To be sad over this or am I overreacting?

Your dh is treating you the way you allow him to.
Stop pretending it’s ok.

You are WORTH a thoughtful birthday present.

You keep telling him not to bother and don't worry.

Tell him you would like a card and some flowers!

Don’t get him anything for Father’s Day … mention money and savings!

(1) Stop saying don't get me anything when you want him to get you something. Don't respond to all the bluster, he has literally all year to save up a few quid for a present for you.
(2) When he asks about his birthday, tell him as he's got you nothing for the past X years, he will not be getting anything.

It’s not good enough you deserve better - next time remind him into submission about what will make you happy

FFS, stop martyring yourself and get him nothing for Father's Day next month. THen tell him you're treating him the way he treats you.

Happy birthday OP! I had mine yesterday (one with a 0 at the end), my HD got me a few canned cocktails that I liked a month ago "for my birthday", didn't wrap them, hide them and make me wait till my actual birthday. Children got excited about a card so they gave it to me the day before. On my actual birthday, he mumbled happy birthday at me in the morning, and that was it. Nothing at all after. No presents, no texts at work to ask how my birthday was. The thoughtlessness and the example it sets for our children has me livid. I understand that he is generally sh*te at getting gifts, but the complete lack of effort, not even flowers has me completely floored, and we're now not talking, though I'm not sure he understands why. I'm not sure the give no presents back really works in their little pea sized brains (yes i'm angry). A friend I spoke to last night said they all need to go to remedial DH school once every 90 days to be reminded of how they should behave, and at this point I fully support it. Anyway, happy birthday, I hope it's turned around for you x

Lol the poor guy can't win. You tell him not to get you anything then you come on here complaining about being sad that he hasn't got you anything! Classic

Communicate! Tell him how you feel. Point out how much he enjoys getting presents from you and the chidlren. Just tell him!

You could tell him how upset and rubbish he has made you feel. However be prepared that it may not change anything. My birthday has been largely ignored for my 25 year marriage, despite kicking up a fuss about it. He simply doesn’t “get it” but it IS incredibly hurtful, every year.

I now sort myself out. An expensive gift from out of his account, a day at a spa. It almost makes up for it. Almost.

This is awful despite you saying not to bother he still should have obviously.

My DP doesn't make much effort for birthdays, so now I match the effort he makes on his, which is minimal!

On mothers day, I went to marks and spencers, bought myself a candle, a nightress and some champagne glasses. Came home and gave them to DH to give to me from him and the kids, aling with a gift bag
I was actually delighted with my gifts, just what I wanted.
I have now decided this is how I am getting my gifts for all occassions.
It really is a game changer.

He doesn’t value you enough to do things for you that he thinks are important that you do for him. He’s rating his own value much higher than yours. By talking about money and saving when your birthday approaches, but asking what you’re getting him for his shows this really clearly.

I would point it out to him, or do as pp have suggested and show the same sort of concern and attention to detail for him that he shows for you- but explain to him when he asks, that as money is such a concern you’re respecting that by getting him the same for his birthday as you got for yours. See if he works it out.

You shouldn't have to say it

Use your words, OP : 'I'd still like something for my birthday, even if it's just a small present or something the kids have chosen'. If you say you're not bothered or not to get anything he'll think you're not bothered and not get anything. Jesus's wept.

Really good wording, this.

Have that conversation with him tonight.

You’re part of the problem - do t get me anything g. But he’s a shit for not bothering at all. But you’re an idiot for buying him birthday and Father’s Day gifts. Change the story. Don’t bother with him and see how he likes it.

Now if DH said to me over breakfast 'I didn't know what to get you. I'll get you something' my reply would be 'good. I'll enjoy getting that something this evening'.

Then as soon as he got in it'd be 'where's my something then? Oh and whilst you're getting it from wherever you've hidden it, you can order a takeaway to make up for the fact that I didn't get the something this morning. Thanks darling'.

Do NOT belittle yourself. Don't shrug it off. Expect something on your birthday.

My parents were often extremely hard up but dad always managed a bunch of flowers and bar of mum's favourite chocolate even when he didn't have a penny in his pocket. He gave up something for a few weeks and spent the money on her. It wouldn't have occurred to him not to get her something. One year, when he was out of work, he wrote her a poem. That was it - couldn't afford anything else but it meant the world to her because of the thought behind it. And he did it, one because he wanted her to be happy and two because she could show her displeasure without saying a word!

Save your money on his next birthday - money's too tight for yours, it's too tight for his.

Tell him then!

'I would really like a card from the kids and a gift on my birthday. I've fallen into saying 'oh it doesn't matter' because you're always mentioning how little money we have and I feel guilty but actually, it does matter, I do care and it's upsetting me that you make no effort'.

Not hard. If you can't say that to your partner, why are you together?

You're not being a brat and you do deserve gifts for your birthday. But as PPs have said stop sending mixed messages and just tell him. You cant expect him to know you're upset when you're constantly saying its ok, dont worry about it. He's taking you for your word, taking the easy route and doing nothing because you're literally telling him to do nothing. Just stop. Tell him now that you're upset and in future would like him to make more effort like you do for him. You're supposed to be honest with your spouse and be able to talk to them about these things. If you cant then obviously thats a separate issue.

Maybe you should 'forget' Father's day which is coming up soon. Or give some nice handmade cards from the children. Stop pandering to him and show him how it feels.

'so I just say don’t get me anything'

and that sums up why you don't get anything.

You are not being a brat by expecting your spouse of ten years to do more than verbally wish you a happy birthday. That's breadcrumbs at best.

Now, you shouldn't have told him that it was okay and not to worry. He got a pass and he will remember this next year. He made absolutely no effort and now he thinks that is just fine and when it absolutely isn't.

I'd stop buying him anything for his birthday or Father's Day until he starts reciprocating. If he complains, tell him you were following his lead.

Next year, if he asks, tell him what you want, but I wouldn't do all the work for him. I'm not inclined to give him a pass simply because he's a man. We should expect more from husbands. It's not asking too much for them to put a little effort into their spouses one or two days a year.

No you’re definitely not over reacting. He’s an AH. Thoughtless selfish little man. I couldn’t bare to live this life. Get out and enjoy yourself while you’re still young enough to make a life. Marriage is highly over rated, most women are happier on their own living life