I think I'm potentially a lost cause

Similar to those who only want to talk about their kids then!!

Edited to say sorry quoted wrong post

Finding fellow mothers boring, is a bit like people saying they don't like small talk. The sometimes inane chit chat at the beginning of relationships is all part of the journey.

I completely agree with this.

I also have a very senior corporate job with lots of travel etc. I hate it when people say “how’s work?”. The last thing I want to do is talk about work! It is full on and often quite stressful. I’m dealing with complex matters all day every day. When I meet up with my friends or the class mums, I want to let my hair down and not think about the office for a few hours.

I find your statement regarding finding mums boring reductive. Everyone is more than just mums. The best thing about going out with the class mums is that it is such a wide range of people from all sorts of careers etc. Everyone is so different and interesting.

Where roughly do you live?

I think it can be tricky to make friends in adulthood in UK outside of London.

I get what others have said about people in US being more open to new people. The flip side, of course, is that it doesn’t often translate into deeper friendships.

but it doesn’t sound like you’re interested in people.

and do you honestly want to talk about work? Or are you really saying you only want to socialise with people on your ‘level’?

I love my job- rarely talk about it with friends. Unless it’s some funny story about the characters at work.

Many of my friends are accomplished and successful in their careers, but they aren’t talking about it all the time.

BTW the mother's day brunch was not on mother's day, it was just an excuse to socialise outside the school setting

You barely know them having only had a bit of “chitter chatter”

and you think they’re dull

I imagine they were quite taken aback to receive a message suggesting this, let alone enticed to join.

Well this all make far more sense now! I am an A's fan (so I really shouldn't say go Dodgers - but I LOVE Dodger Stadium so I will!!! Yay Dodger dogs!).Presumably this may mean you are from the LA area? I too am a Californian and OMG it is a big time culture shock moving to back to the UK. So I do understand why you are finding it a bit weird. Frankly given your background etc some women may assume that actually you won't want to hang out with them because you've already got - what they may assume - is a really interesting life and background and lots going on. People tend to assume that americans - Californians especially - are outgoing and have no issue meeting people. Plus you've moved countries and therefore don't have quite the same points of reference to talk about as people who grew up here. It makes sense that there is a bit of a clash here. You're not going to find many people, alas, who love baseball (Bummer!! I long to have a catch and also throw a football around and have someone to talk about college football with, but that's not likely in the middle of a little village here in England lol!)

I'm repeating myself I know, but I think your dog is going to be super useful for you in terms of meeting people. I would also encourage you to invite friends from the US to come and stay, and for you to go back and visit when you can. I find it far more difficult to meet and make friendships in the UK than the US - so I do understand the difficulties. But hey, there is nothing wrong with that - it's quite normal when there are cultural differences. Give yourself some credit and go have a nice walk with your doggo :)

I'm gleaning from this - the mention of being an ex-pat and also your fondness for baseball that you are an ex-pat yourself, likely from north-America? This explains a lot!! Are you indeed American? If you are then I can tell you from experience (I am Anglo-American - grew up in the UK, adult life mostly in the US, moved back to the UK - omg I miss the US!) that it's a culture shock, and that mum-cliques in England can be a bit more standoffish and less open to having big friend groups than - in my experience - is the case in the US. I find it way more easy to meet new people and to find social interactions in the US than the UK. Your mentioning of a brunch would make way more sense in the US than over here.

It's very true that we are separated by a common language - there are huge social differences between American/Canadians and Brits. I miss my buddies in the US hugely, and find that friend groups over there are way more welcoming of newbies and that there are way more opportunities there to meet new people/volunteer etc etc - and that the meeting includes friends of both sexes, not just women, and it being totally normal for that to happen.

Keep on trying - you clearly have hobbies that can lead to mutual friendships (dog-walking, and doing the two sports you compete in for example).

There y'go! You love your dog! No doubt there are other mums who also have dogs and love to go on a dog walk! Figure out who they are, and suggest a dog walk and a coffee afterwards. Dogs are great icebreakers.

I generally don't meet people at concerts. Some people make quick connections. I take longer. I do have a range of friends who were once aquaintances and if something comes up that I want to do, I'll invite someone along if I think they may enjoy it too. I have a good feel for what they each like.

But I've also decided if I'm rarely going to be one of the initiators, I am going to be a join-inner.

I went to a gig of a band I didn't know last year because I was invited and an aquaintance at the time wanted someone to go with. We'd never done anything other than a handful of water cooler conversations but she knew I liked music, so asked. Committing to spend nearly a full weekend with someone I hardly knew was a stretch but was worth it. I love live music so it didn't matter that I wasn't into the band. I enjoyed all the other bits more than the concert to be honest. The trip down, the company, finding something to eat etc.

Maybe challenge yourself to be interested in other people

I think this will be key to you making friendships.

So this sounds amazing. Could the expats you mentor not turn into friendships?

Bi-athlete. I thought I know what it was but googled it to double check. Ski-ing and shooting! Are you not part of a club through that?
Does that not involve finding other people to spend time with keeping your fitness up?

And information. Lots of women love information and would want to know what interests you. They would be happy to attend interesting talks, author events etc.... with you

I'm not great if I don't feel part of some kind of 'team'. I learned this when I had some counselling a few years ago and was asked about times in my life that I felt happy and they were very much when I played a team sport.

When my children were young, I volunteered as a scout leader; brilliant for feeling part of a group and I made some great friends there.

I now work in a very small team of 3 at work which is perfect for me. As my children have got older, I love chatting to them and their partners and friends.

I think it's very normal to feel this way. Humans just aren't made for living in isolation, most of us need interaction and to feel that we are achieving something positive with other people.

Maybe challenge yourself to be interested in other people and in other things than work.

We women are all more than our careers or lack of. We're a range of life experiences, interests, hobbies and challenges.
I would put money on it that you're underestimating other women massively.

I feel for you being so lonely and I can understand how you would get your value from your career when you lack real life friendships and connections. Maybe find other things to add to your life that you can also find value in. But also I wonder if you write other women off quite quickly because it hurts less then, that you haven't made a connection?

Do you have any hobbies? Is there anything you would like to try?
Do you ever see someone doing something and catch yourself thinking "I wish I could do that but.....". That is a good place to start.

I tend to find if I go out and do stuff I tend to get 'adopted' by other more outgoing and less socially risk averse women who are willing to take a risk in inviting me for a coffee etc.

I have friends who have different interests. One likes comedy and being outdoorsy, another likes to really talk through things she's finding challenging - I find I can chew over my own things well with her. Another likes the odd walk and a breakfast. Another likes going to gigs. Another sometimes invites me to the gym. Some of these I have more depth with and others are more activity based. It really doesn't matter. You find out surprising things about each other along the way and the friendship slowly deepens.

Sticky with your dog then OP
and crack on with job hunting if your family are dependent on your income

I'm a fairly detached and mostly career driven (and that's what I mostly like to talk about!)

I'm afraid this is the problem. People are more than their jobs and however fascinating they find them, it is unlikely others will, certainly as a main and longterm subject of discussion (unless you do something that provides a constant stream of Hollywood gossip or are actually a rock star. Corporate, no.)

What other than work are you interested in/enjoy doing?

I agree with this - one of my friends just talks about work but it is so boring. I don’t work there or know the people so it means nothing to me!

I wfh full time too - I have friends from the school pick ups as well as other friends. The mum group is made up of different types - SAHM, full and part time workers etc. They aren’t a homogeneous group - so I don’t know how you could find them ‘boring’.

I hate to say it but it does sound like a ‘you’ problem- you say you are intense and only want to talk about work. I would struggle to deal with someone like you.

Exactly this!!! I totally agree with you. Similar professional career here - absolutely love my job (alas can't do it at the mo - but that's beside the point for the purpose of this conversation) but I've got very little interest in conversing about it on the occasions where I'm not doing it (unless there's been an amusing incident - like for example the time when a fellow lawyer split his trousers getting out of a cab before going into court). Nor would I expect anyone else to be particularly interested in what I do for a living.

And, just like you, some of my best buds I've met are people who have totally different jobs, life goals, interests, and educational histories etc etc. One lady cleans boats, another works in a coffee shop, another is a SAHM etc etc etc. Two of them haven't been to uni. I enjoy their company - they have lovely warm personalities, they are caring, and we have a laugh. You sound like a fab person to be buddies with! I'm just sad now that you don't live closer to me - always happy to meet a new person with a joyous and open outlook on life! If you're ever in the New Forest area give us a shout lol!

But back to the general topic/general suggested guidance for people who find it tricky to make friends: Hi OP: I tend to find the easiest way to have a conversation is to go on a walk: the act of walking is an inherently positive "moving forward" thing to do, and there are always observational things going on that you can both chat about - plus it's an entirely non-confrontational space - you're both/all looking forward. You mentioned trying to throw a mother's day brunch: That's maybe way too full on for just getting to meet people - presumably they'd have to pay their own way, and also take time out to attend - which for some is difficult. Plus if they don't know you terribly well it might be just a bit too much to expect them to dedicate that kind of time. Start with something less involved - a cup of tea, a dog walk, or offering to babysit or whatever rather than starting out with something really "big".

are you currently in work Op? Or job hunting?