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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I give my honest to God opinion or just keep quiet?

432 replies

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:07

So my sister and I are very close. It’s the kind of relationship where I could say “you can’t out in that you look hideous”. There would be no fallout as it’s recognised it’s coming from a good place.

Anyway, she’s getting married and we are just very different. I’m more detail oriented and type A. Where is a little slap dash and low effort.

I would say I have good taste and friends often ask me to go furniture or clothes shopping with them.

Sister showed me her wedding invites and they were truly awful. I shared alternatives. Said they were a little dated. Offered my services re ribbon tying and wax seal applying. But sister was like “who gives a shit”. I can tell she is getting annoyed.

No word of a lie she had used a border not too dissimilar to the one I had attached. Her wedding is very much not cheap either!

Do I change the habit of a lifetime and allow her to make shit choices??

Im very aware it’s her wedding so will for say “and the end of the day it’s up to you, it’s your wedding”.

Should I give my honest to God opinion or just keep quiet?
OP posts:
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CloudywMeatballs · 20/05/2025 15:08

She asked your opinion. You gave your opinion (which I happen to agree with, by the way). Now it's her choice and you shouldn't give it a second thought. It isn't a reflection on you, and nobody is going to think "I though Payets was classy, but if this is what her sister has chosen she obviously has very poor taste".

Veganpug · 20/05/2025 15:01

Why are you so arrogant,that you think your choice of design is better than hers

MyTwinklyPanda · 20/05/2025 14:56

You just need to keep quiet, take a step back and let her come to you. Sometimes, too much can be stifling and annoying. I know you're only trying to help, but by the sounds of it you're doing more harm than good. Sometimes strong words and comments like you've mentioned can actually be hurtful. What you may think is classy could actually be tacky and crass. She's an adult, let her do her own thing.

godmum56 · 20/05/2025 14:45

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:26

Hilarious.

A lot of people use it as a way to attach names in place of place settings 🤷

thats very dated. I hand make stuff and seals amd ribbons went out around 10 years ago

BountifulPantry · 20/05/2025 14:40

Do people properly look at wedding invites? I only really note the details…

Blanknotebook · 20/05/2025 14:35

The border is eye catching and pretty. If it makes your sister happy then just let her have her choice. It just shows that she is an individual, and likes pretty colourful things. I think they are rather nice.

BlossomMoon · 20/05/2025 14:31

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:18

I have dropped it

So you've changed "a habit of a lifetime" ...Just like that?

OP you really haven't. 🙄

Wax seals are very "fussy"
It's your Sisters' wedding, and her and her future husband are planning things their way.
You need to step back a bit.
She got annoyed, so she's not so keen to follow your directive any more. That may happen a lot more now too.

AllTheChaos · 20/05/2025 14:29

Just thinking, I love a very bohemian, blue stocking, arts and craft style. One friend of mine is all hippy and floral, another very minimalist and deco if anything. We couldn’t possibly advise each other as our tastes are too different! Is that the case with your sister?

StardusttheMimikyu · 20/05/2025 14:28

I would say you're not being unreasonable, but then again, you should try to respect your sister's taste. However, that's no reason for your sister to say who gives a shit.
In my opinion, when people give advice, you should at least listen to the advice first and then give your feedback.
But yeah, you should try to respect your sis's taste.

AllTheChaos · 20/05/2025 14:27

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:40

I’m not saying I’m an expert. But people like how i dress and decorate my home. So I often get asked to help friends decorate or shop for clothes. Certainly no taste maker.

I personally don’t like what I shared re wax seals. I was giving an example. I would go for something way more stripped back.

Does your sister have very different tastes to you? There’s a chance your friends have similar tastes to you, but your sister doesn’t?

WeAreNotOutnumbered · 20/05/2025 14:20

God we had stiffie wedding invitations. I am from abroad and DH told me they were traditional (and they were among his circle at the time).

Our niece recently sent her invitation electronically which had the added advantage that you could RSVP and input dietary requirements in 2 easy clicks.

Anyway- I still think the OP is BU and controlling to boot. I hope her sister agrees with the mutual 'brutal honesty' claim but I have my doubts.

Goditsmemargaret · 20/05/2025 14:15

Listen.

She said "who gives a shit?"

Which translates to "I don't give a shit (about invitations)" She wants to progress to other wedding details. Forget about the invitation design. She doesn't care if they are naff or not, she just wants them to be functional.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 20/05/2025 14:09

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:13

I only give my input when directly asked. So far I have been honest. But in a tactful, proactive manner. We are sisters and best friends and have always been brutally honest with one another.

It’s not coming from a place of me wanting to take control

But actually it is... You believe the invites are low class... She doesn't think they are /doesn't care...
Thus you're trying to take control whether you believe it or not!

phoenixrosehere · 20/05/2025 14:01

YABU

You both have different tastes. It’s simple as that. There’s nothing wrong with it. Keep your opinions to yourself. It’s the wedding invitation, no one is that bothered by what it looks like. Doubt most would remember what it looked like a month after the wedding.

Ski4130 · 20/05/2025 13:51

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:26

Hilarious.

A lot of people use it as a way to attach names in place of place settings 🤷

Honestly, I hate the wax seal examples you've added, and I love the bright colours of the one similar to what your sister has chosen.

It's her wedding, her choice, stay out of it. You sound a bit unhinged, let it go.

AmadeustheAlpaca · 20/05/2025 13:50

I like the colourful border on the wedding invitations. Much nicer than the fashion for white fonts on a black background which seems to be fashionable at the moment.

GreenFriedTomato · 20/05/2025 13:46

@graceinspace999
If she’s wearing 70s orange hot pants with a Madonna bra and a veil made from an antique table cloth tie dyed in lemon and lilac while carrying a bouquet made from camping utensils

Have you ever considered becoming a wedding stylist? You may be onto something there 😀

BestDIL · 20/05/2025 13:46

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:26

Hilarious.

A lot of people use it as a way to attach names in place of place settings 🤷

Personally, I think they are boring. Stupid wax seals which will probably break off. I love what your sister is using!

It's all down to individual taste and you have to accept hers and shut up!

rosemarble · 20/05/2025 13:33

beAsensible1 · 20/05/2025 13:12

cannot believe how many of you are say that border is nice 😅

You must know that people have different tastes and likes.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/05/2025 13:24

Is it such a surprise that different people like different things, @beAsensible1 - even things you don’t like?

beAsensible1 · 20/05/2025 13:12

cannot believe how many of you are say that border is nice 😅

wordywitch · 20/05/2025 12:52

I would bet money that you’re a member of the Sad Beige Brigade.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/05/2025 12:48

Payets · 20/05/2025 01:20

Yeah don’t project your weird dynamics onto me. Sister and I are best friends and can be brutally honest without the psychological damage you speak of. Yikes

To be honest, @Payets, I've never much liked the sound of 'brutal' honesty - I think that, in vast majority of cases, it is possible to be absolutely honest without being brutal. It is good that you have a relationship with your sister where you can both be absolutely honest, but where you can see when there's been enough honesty and it's time to back off and let your sister make her choices for her wedding.

Calliopespa · 20/05/2025 12:39

Anonycat · 20/05/2025 12:29

And we all like different things and think "good taste" or "shit choices" apply to different things.

Agree.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 20/05/2025 12:37

RosesAndHellebores · 20/05/2025 11:18

Posting a link to debretts isn't making the point you think you're making.

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