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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I give my honest to God opinion or just keep quiet?

432 replies

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:07

So my sister and I are very close. It’s the kind of relationship where I could say “you can’t out in that you look hideous”. There would be no fallout as it’s recognised it’s coming from a good place.

Anyway, she’s getting married and we are just very different. I’m more detail oriented and type A. Where is a little slap dash and low effort.

I would say I have good taste and friends often ask me to go furniture or clothes shopping with them.

Sister showed me her wedding invites and they were truly awful. I shared alternatives. Said they were a little dated. Offered my services re ribbon tying and wax seal applying. But sister was like “who gives a shit”. I can tell she is getting annoyed.

No word of a lie she had used a border not too dissimilar to the one I had attached. Her wedding is very much not cheap either!

Do I change the habit of a lifetime and allow her to make shit choices??

Im very aware it’s her wedding so will for say “and the end of the day it’s up to you, it’s your wedding”.

Should I give my honest to God opinion or just keep quiet?
OP posts:
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Angrymum22 · 20/05/2025 00:36

I hate fussy wedding invites. The fussy wax and bits you suggested would have been stripped and the fancy bits binned so I could stick the invite on our notice board.
My sister is getting married this year. She sent her save the date by email and the actual invite is a single card with a floral design in a simple envelope. Maybe you are not as up to date as you think.
Better not to fall out over what is essentially her big day.

JemimaPiddlepot · 20/05/2025 00:36

Anyway, she’s getting married and we are just very different. I’m more detail oriented and type A. Where is a little slap dash and low effort.

Ironic…

thetrumanshow · 20/05/2025 00:35

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:29

Sister isn’t having a tropical theme. She just googled floral border I bet.

I would love to have recent examples of her telling you "you have a shit taste"

thetrumanshow · 20/05/2025 00:33

You don't set up the standard of what is "good taste" and what isn't.

She likes her design, you made it clear you didn't, move on. They are not offensive, and you liking them or not is irrelevant.

You could open your mouth for constructive criticism - the address is not very clear, they are forgetting something, they are the same invit than someone she hates used.... Anything else is not helpful.

You can organise your own wedding in what you think is a tasteful way - which some people won't like, that's life.

seven201 · 20/05/2025 00:32

It’s just different tastes. I quite like the bright floral, it’s more relaxed. I don’t like the wax seal ones you posted - looks too try hard and over designed to me, but some would love it.

I think if she asks you directly you can say they’re not your taste but that doesn’t mean they’re not nice. Just find something nice to say about them too eg liking the colours or something.

pizzaHeart · 20/05/2025 00:30

My sister thinks she has good taste and in a way she is but it’s absolutely not my cup of tea.
The border is nice by the way, I wouldn’t choose it myself but it’s pretty and uplifting. I hope it’s cheap - weddings are so annoyingly expensive.
In a year people won’t remember the date of the wedding let alone the border on invites.

TheOtherAgentJohnson · 20/05/2025 00:30

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:26

Hilarious.

A lot of people use it as a way to attach names in place of place settings 🤷

This is naff. Your sister is right, no-one gives a shit about this kind of thing.

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:29

HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 00:28

But that's a VERY different tone to the tropical/bright vibes the border suggests...

Sister isn’t having a tropical theme. She just googled floral border I bet.

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PeapodMcgee · 20/05/2025 00:29

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:26

Hilarious.

A lot of people use it as a way to attach names in place of place settings 🤷

Hehe. Reminds me of Taskmaster.

I would see it as pretentious on an invite, but we all have different tastes don't we. You think hers is shit, but luckily it's not your choice. Leave her be.

Hyperbowl · 20/05/2025 00:28

Do I change the habit of a lifetime and allow her to make shit choices??

I hope this is meant tongue in cheek because you’re definitely coming across badly. Her life choices aren’t about what you think are shit and you don’t “let” people make choices in life, they don’t need permission. In my experience people saying they’re being brutally honest usually just means being unnecessarily rude and giving unsolicited advice then dressing it up like a favour because you’re “so honest”. This whole thread is weird.

HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 00:28

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:26

Hilarious.

A lot of people use it as a way to attach names in place of place settings 🤷

But that's a VERY different tone to the tropical/bright vibes the border suggests...

Delphiniumandlupins · 20/05/2025 00:27

Ribbon tying and wax seals sounds like a very different style of invitation, and a lot of work. If wedding planning is stressing your sister then suggesting additional tasks probably isn't helpful.
Does your sister have colours chosen for bridesmaids' dresses/flowers/groom's tie/chair bows because that might give inspiration for her invitations? Although, nobody is going to remember or care what they looked like, just that the font is legible and they contain all necessary information.

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:26

PeapodMcgee · 20/05/2025 00:20

Wax seal 😂

Hilarious.

A lot of people use it as a way to attach names in place of place settings 🤷

Should I give my honest to God opinion or just keep quiet?
Should I give my honest to God opinion or just keep quiet?
OP posts:
Catofthesouth · 20/05/2025 00:26

Oh my days I have seen some wedding horrors, this is not the worst. Let her do her thing. Not your circus and not your problem.

I had to endure a vile plastic ring and a dreadful poem inserted into it once. The bride chose them and swiftly had several affairs, all too sordid for words. I hope your sister has a much, much happier marriage x

Leafy3 · 20/05/2025 00:25

They're invitations - no one remembers them. Some people just send email invasions these days, definitely not worth it, just let it go

MiloMinderbinder925 · 20/05/2025 00:24

It really doesn't matter OP. In five years no one will remember the flower borders, the centre pieces or the colour of the cake.

PeapodMcgee · 20/05/2025 00:20

Wax seal 😂

HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 00:20

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:18

I have dropped it

That wasn't what this thread suggested

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:18

HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 00:16

And yet...

You called them dated, offered to help with something that would be wildly different to she wants (going from something kind of tropical to classic wax seals...) and won't drop it because YOU don't feel it's appropriate even though SHE is ok with it?

Doesn't sound tactful and does sound controlling

I have dropped it

OP posts:
Payets · 20/05/2025 00:18

Avatartar · 20/05/2025 00:15

Is her fiancée nice to her, they appear to love her? I thought you were worried she was marrying a terrible mistake.
let her plan her own wedding and only chip in if asked

????

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 20/05/2025 00:17

Her wedding, she does as she wants. Just support her

HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 00:16

And yet...

You called them dated, offered to help with something that would be wildly different to she wants (going from something kind of tropical to classic wax seals...) and won't drop it because YOU don't feel it's appropriate even though SHE is ok with it?

Doesn't sound tactful and does sound controlling

Avatartar · 20/05/2025 00:15

Is her fiancée nice to her, they appear to love her? I thought you were worried she was marrying a terrible mistake.
let her plan her own wedding and only chip in if asked

Eenameenadeeka · 20/05/2025 00:15

You said she is getting annoyed, so stop. It's her wedding and she obviously likes them. You don't need to like them, it's not your wedding.

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:13

I only give my input when directly asked. So far I have been honest. But in a tactful, proactive manner. We are sisters and best friends and have always been brutally honest with one another.

It’s not coming from a place of me wanting to take control

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