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Should I give my honest to God opinion or just keep quiet?

432 replies

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:07

So my sister and I are very close. It’s the kind of relationship where I could say “you can’t out in that you look hideous”. There would be no fallout as it’s recognised it’s coming from a good place.

Anyway, she’s getting married and we are just very different. I’m more detail oriented and type A. Where is a little slap dash and low effort.

I would say I have good taste and friends often ask me to go furniture or clothes shopping with them.

Sister showed me her wedding invites and they were truly awful. I shared alternatives. Said they were a little dated. Offered my services re ribbon tying and wax seal applying. But sister was like “who gives a shit”. I can tell she is getting annoyed.

No word of a lie she had used a border not too dissimilar to the one I had attached. Her wedding is very much not cheap either!

Do I change the habit of a lifetime and allow her to make shit choices??

Im very aware it’s her wedding so will for say “and the end of the day it’s up to you, it’s your wedding”.

Should I give my honest to God opinion or just keep quiet?
OP posts:
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Payets · 20/05/2025 00:56

thetrumanshow · 20/05/2025 00:55

I do actually, 2. We tease, we possibly insult each other, but neither of them believe they are the superior being of the family.

I don’t think I am superior. Sister is equally honest with me. And I appreciate that.

OP posts:
thetrumanshow · 20/05/2025 00:55

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:52

Very forced….

do none of you have sisters you are close to?

I do actually, 2. We tease, we possibly insult each other, but neither of them believe they are the superior being of the family.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 20/05/2025 00:54

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:50

Wow people are really going to go on and on about the fact a woman dare say something positive about herself. Among my circle of friends people value my input re style and taste. That is just a fact.

Missed the point there, didn't you? Your lack of taste is the judgemental post about your sister's choice.

Oh and it should be "just she and I"

thetrumanshow · 20/05/2025 00:53

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:50

Wow people are really going to go on and on about the fact a woman dare say something positive about herself. Among my circle of friends people value my input re style and taste. That is just a fact.

we are more commenting about you saying nasty things to your sister!

A couple of your friends having the same taste as yours doesn't mean anything.

(not that it's remotely your style, that's not my point) but we have all seen photos of "ladies days" at the race for example - all the "ladies" and their friends believe they have exquisite taste. It's debatable.

paranoiaofpufflings · 20/05/2025 00:53

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:13

I only give my input when directly asked. So far I have been honest. But in a tactful, proactive manner. We are sisters and best friends and have always been brutally honest with one another.

It’s not coming from a place of me wanting to take control

But in this case you weren’t asked. You say above she showed you her choice, and you suggested alternatives - you weren’t asked. I wonder how often you share your opinion when you think it’s been asked for but hasn’t.

You sound snobby and controlling towards your sister. Take a step back and let her have the wedding of her choice without your sniping input.

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:52

HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 00:49

Does she ask or do you force your opinion?

Please don't tell her the dress is low effort and suggest something wildly different

Very forced….

do none of you have sisters you are close to?

Should I give my honest to God opinion or just keep quiet?
OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 20/05/2025 00:51

The wax seals idea is so ridiculous. Like plastic faux-beams on a modern house and horse-brasses in a chain pub: pseudo olde-worlde nonsense.

You have different tastes. Doesn’t mean yours is better.

thetrumanshow · 20/05/2025 00:51

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:47

But she does. She asks for my opinion on almost everything. We are going to pick dresses this weekend. Just her and I

then for the love of god don't tell her she has a shit taste when you see her in a dress she likes!

Tell her that something is more flattering on her, but don't be nasty because you deluded yourself in thinking you are the only one with taste, when she has none.

Everybody has taste and a sense of humour (they think), but it's like the word classy. If you use it about yourself, you have none

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:50

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 20/05/2025 00:48

Since you have uploaded her stuff to be judged, it’s only fair you upload a picture of what you consider good taste.

OP if you really had the good taste you claim to have you wouldn't have started this thread.

If you have any taste you should ask for it to be deleted.

Wow people are really going to go on and on about the fact a woman dare say something positive about herself. Among my circle of friends people value my input re style and taste. That is just a fact.

OP posts:
HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 00:49

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:47

But she does. She asks for my opinion on almost everything. We are going to pick dresses this weekend. Just her and I

Does she ask or do you force your opinion?

Please don't tell her the dress is low effort and suggest something wildly different

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 20/05/2025 00:48

Since you have uploaded her stuff to be judged, it’s only fair you upload a picture of what you consider good taste.

OP if you really had the good taste you claim to have you wouldn't have started this thread.

If you have any taste you should ask for it to be deleted.

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:47

PeapodMcgee · 20/05/2025 00:42

But she doesn't want your input, so you keep it cute (mute).

But she does. She asks for my opinion on almost everything. We are going to pick dresses this weekend. Just her and I

OP posts:
bramblefoot · 20/05/2025 00:46

That's what she's chosen and the choice is hers so there was never going to be any benefit to chiming in to suggest she can do better or going around the houses trying to disparage the choice.

I don't think your suggestion is really any better, just fussier. The calligraphy/wax seal thing is a bit naff but really what does it matter. You don't need to say "at the end of the day it's your wedding" - you didn't and don't need to say anything at all. She knows its her wedding. All of it's going in the bin anyway - I literally couldn't care less what someone's wedding invite looks like when it comes in the post. I RSVP, stick it in the diary and bin it.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 20/05/2025 00:45

Since you have uploaded her stuff to be judged, it’s only fair you upload a picture of what you consider good taste.

Her boarder says laid back wildflower hippy. It’s bright and cheerful and who is going to remember her invitations?

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 20/05/2025 00:45

I think it's pretty. And a wee bit different, which is nice.

RawBloomers · 20/05/2025 00:45

If she's getting annoyed but still keeps asking you, I think you need to say something along the lines of "[Sister], It's clear we have very different taste in these things. What sort of advice do you really want?"

She obviously has a different aesthetic to you, but also clearly values your opinion. Which is really flattering and not something to bruise. So whatever you do, don't drop the tact.

HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 00:42

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:29

Sister isn’t having a tropical theme. She just googled floral border I bet.

"I bet". Mhm

And she would have seen a huge variety of floral borders if she did, plenty more "classic" and "pastle" than these

She chose these for a reason. Wax seals and ribbons aren't that vibe

PeapodMcgee · 20/05/2025 00:42

But she doesn't want your input, so you keep it cute (mute).

Leafy3 · 20/05/2025 00:42

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:40

I’m not saying I’m an expert. But people like how i dress and decorate my home. So I often get asked to help friends decorate or shop for clothes. Certainly no taste maker.

I personally don’t like what I shared re wax seals. I was giving an example. I would go for something way more stripped back.

This is all irrelevant.

She's happy with what she's chosen. It's her wedding and she's chosing what to worry about and what not to, I'd say she has her priorities right.

What are are shit choices to you, aren't to others.

TeenLifeMum · 20/05/2025 00:41

Anyone else looking at wax seals and thinking “postage would cost a bomb”. Far too pretentious for me. Let your sister have the wedding she wants with stuff that makes her happy while you learn to overcome your superiority complex.

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:41

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 20/05/2025 00:38

That's far more naff than your sister's pretty floral border.

[To be clear your sister's choice isn't naff at all.]

Edited

And it’s not anything I would go for. Just giving an example of how wax seals are used to combine menu and place cards

OP posts:
fisherlong · 20/05/2025 00:41

From a peasant point of view I personally would not notice how the invitation is presented. Surely the invitation itself is the most important priority.

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:40

I’m not saying I’m an expert. But people like how i dress and decorate my home. So I often get asked to help friends decorate or shop for clothes. Certainly no taste maker.

I personally don’t like what I shared re wax seals. I was giving an example. I would go for something way more stripped back.

OP posts:
EmeraldRoulette · 20/05/2025 00:39

@Payets you specifically said "do I allow her to make shit choices?" That is really controlling language.

Her choices are shit, in your opinion.

There's no element of "allowing" unless she specifically asked your permission. Did she do that?

Maybe going forward, she won't ask your opinion. And I wouldn't blame her.

You may have had that kind of relationship for a long time. But I wonder if she actually likes having that kind of relationship.

Now might be a very good time for her to break away from that pattern.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 20/05/2025 00:38

Payets · 20/05/2025 00:26

Hilarious.

A lot of people use it as a way to attach names in place of place settings 🤷

That's far more naff than your sister's pretty floral border.

[To be clear your sister's choice isn't naff at all.]

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