Aibu to not know how to help my immature 15 year old

I think how her behaviour is managed at home and at school (I don’t mean friends but adults) is going to be key to her thriving or suffering a mental health crisis. My AuDHD DD (16) was an absolute handful in early teens and had some very immature behaviour that was frankly exhausting. However, we now know this was largely related to slowly escalating anxiety. She struggled with friends, socially and at school but was academically capable so didn’t stand out to teachers. She was loud, rude, impulsive, never slept, exhausting to be around. Long story short but she went through burnout in year 10 and we had to take her out of school for her own safety. It has taken a very long time to rebuild her confidence and it’s been a massive learning curve for us and we’ve had to learn to parent her differently. It sounds like you’re doing what we did and that is view her behaviour through a NT lens and try and fight against her natural ND behaviour. She needs a safe space where she can be herself because masking is exhausting. Only once she’s got your trust will she listen to your guidance on how to behave in a NT world. This might take time and involves you truly learning about and understanding her. Being in control is a key component of my DDs behaviours and when there was so much conflict and contradiction between her feelings and behaviours and our expectations she just retreated inside herself. Anyway, I guess my simple advice is you don’t need a diagnosis to start learning about and parenting as if she already has that diagnosis. She is going to need a lot of support as will you .

Jesus, are you here to just inflame ?

I'm a Christian (RC) and frankly this is ignorant witch doctor nonsense.

Absolutely this.

The hugging has to be reined in.
I'd be working on appropriateness pr otherwise of physical contact and how to respond to perceived kindness. Her safety is the bottom line here in a world full of unscrupulous men.

There's a condition called Williams Syndrome that was recently described on the BBC website that might be of interest. It comes with certain facial characteristics, though. Elements include an over trusting nature, inability to understand danger or to have more than a surface level perception of other people's behaviour.

Do you think there may be adhd in the mix?
Lack of impulse control around food, constant talking etc

You’d be equally clueless then.

My ND child is 11 and is emotionally and mentally at the age of a 8 year old. There are some behaviours (plate licking) that need reminding aren't acceptable. But as for friendships and regulation, reach out to the Autistic society, and speak to the SEN team about interventions around those issues.

Considering I am a ND parent so, I know what in talking about, you need to get back on your self-righteous horse and take your apathetic self back under your rock.

Have a look at the Autistic Girls Network charity, there are loads of resources on there and info. My autistic 14 year old is very similar and struggled socially so much. She’s home educated now and much better and she attends a youth club for young people with ALN which she finds much easier socially as it is very inclusive and accepting of everyone’s different needs.

Or tell me id be a better parent than you to an ND child because id have higher expectations of their potential than you.

Tell me you know no nothing about being ND, without telling me you know nothing about being ND 🙄

@MyOliveHelper I thought that as well.

@PinkChaires I'm kindly going to suggest you post for advice on the SEN boards. As evidenced on this thread, discussion around autism often descends into a bun fight with people falling into one of two camps:

• All autistic people are the same and therefore all are capable of learning and amending their behaviour/ reactions

• All autistic people are unable to learn or amend their behaviours/ reactions

Your dd may be capable of learning what is/ isn't appropriate, or she may not. In truth, it is harder to correct troubling behaviours as a child grows older. If they're able to learn/ adjust then it's usually better to start when they're younger. I'm not saying it's a lost cause, but just that you'll get a lot incorrect information and assumptions on this thread from people who are projecting. If you post on the SEN boards you're more likely to find someone in a similar situation.

Good luck. Your dd sounds lovely.

Surely she won't learn that her behaviour is inappropriate if nobody says anything though

I never mention that her daughter is broken, I only advised her she will find strength to pull through the situation through the word of God, if you are truly a Christian you shouldn't find anything wrong with what I have posted. Shalom

@Joycefrancis as a fellow christian, I don't think that have fully considered the OP and her family before posting.

The implication of what you posted is that her daughter is broken and needs fixing by being healed from asd. This is not what she has asked for and I don't think it is an appropriate way to offer to help her.

You will have offended a lot of people with your post and turned people against Christianity

If I were you I would apologise and ask for your original post to be taken down.

Huh? 🤦‍♀️🙄

Hi
It's ok to feel overwhelmed about your daughters situation, the only thing that can navigate this is the Word of God the doctors can only prescribe medication which is just temporal but God's word over your daughter will bring a permanent healing. The fact is she has ASD but the truth is she is growing in wisdom and might, call forth what you want your daughter to become through the word of God, speak positive words to her. If you need more guidance let me know and I can guide you through it. Your daughter is healed in the name of Jesus Amen

So sorry to hear that happened to her :( I’m also autistic and experienced similar rejection in high school. I found better friends (other people as strange as me!) at university.

what do you suggest? How do you change 15 year old girls who don't like sitting with someone who licks their plate in public? I'm afraid the OP probably can't do that.

Everyone can be better or worse socialised.

But you carry on thinking that no autistic person can ever learn or be helped to find ways to have better relationships with other people and have a better life as a result.

You can’t expect ND to control all their behaviours. They wouldn’t have a diagnosis if you could and controlling/masking natural behaviours can be hugely damaging.

Well part of getting an autism diagnosis is social difficulties so expecting ND kids to be “well socialised” is ridiculous.