AIBU to feel weird about my exDH and my best friend?

I think the fact you said she and he have always been " overly friendly" says it all.

It sounds almost as though she maintained her supposed close friendship with you to enable her and him to develop their friendship.
The fact you think her marriage isn't in a good place feeds into this feeling she is looking for something more than friendship from him.

What you do know for certain is she hasn't been there for you in your marriage breakup.

I definitely think you should no longer regard her as a friend.
And I honestly think you should do her DH the favour of letting him know just how friendly she is with your stbxh.

You got two foxes in your henhouse.
wise up and ship em both out pronto.

I wouldn t trust her.
I would make an excuse and cancell the meeting

Be interesting to see what transpires in the near future.
She s making more effort for you ex husband than you...red flag!!!!
Not your best friend at all

It is weird, she isn't much of a friend by the sound of it.

I feel for you

You left him and don't want to persue the relationship any further, so you have zero rights to control who he sees

Your friend however is acting pretty low. This would upset me. There's enough people in the world that you don't have to go with your friends ex partners.

It’s not a handful, it’s the overwhelming majority. I think if I had the complete opposite opinion to every single other poster on a thread I’d reflect on my opinion. Either way, I’m glad I’m not your friend if you think that’s the way a friend behaves.

Having a different opinion from a handful of MN posters at this time of the day means absolutely nothing 😂

So she hasn t been able to find time to meet up with you( herBF) but can find time message/ chat/ arrange a car ride/ drink with your ex husband.???
Sounds like they may be plotting something.
If not fancying each other...are the trying to get you to change your mind and persuade/ manipulate you to return home to ex husband.
Her and her husband may be missing company of their pals( you and ex h)
You're split could be impacting as they ve lost their pals ???

You left him a few months ago
He didn't want you to go, according to you
And now you want to have some say in his personal life?
YABU

Does he not have his own friends that could support him? I wouldn’t be happy about this either and I’d be thinking she’s a pretty crap friend.

Op has clearly stated she has heard very little from her friend since the end of her marriage - a time when you need a good friend the most. On the other hand, she has been in very regular contact with op’s husband.

Honestly it’s wild you’re defending this behaviour. The fact that you’re a lone voice in this must tell you something.

It's funny. When a man breaks up his marriage to go into a relationship with the OW, it's always the woman's fault.

When it's the woman who breaks up the marriage, it somehow still ends up becoming another woman's fault!

I am not 12 years old, so I don't believe you abandon your friend because you speak with their ex. I don't believe it's necessary to completely block a friend out of your life to support your other friend, their ex partner.

99% chance they have already been having an affair, sorry op 💐

If your husband wants to leave you, wouldn't you be tempted to speak with his friend, or a common friend, rather than just your own? They'll know him, and you might hope they will influence him in staying

In that scenario if my STBXH is uncomfortable with the arrangement, as tempting as it may seem it’s hardly going to endear me to him so no I’d steer clear of his friends and not want to drive a wedge between them.

The only exception is maybe if I had developed a separate friendship with them over the years. and have always hung out individually without spouse but it doesn’t seem like this here.

FWIW I actually don’t think they are having sex but regardless I think it’s inappropriate and unwise if he is doing this as a ploy to get back with his wife. It will only upset/annoy her by the sounds of it and put her best friend in a bad position.

I could maybe understand more from OPs best friends POV if they were both her close friends, but it sounds as if only OP is her close friend and she’s at best just “friendly” with the STBXH, therefore she shouldn’t be entertaining this if it makes her best friend uncomfortable.

He should speak to his own friends or family for support rather than potentially contributing towards the demise of his ex’s best friendships at a time where she does need support from her.

She is not your friend, friends don't behave like this.

You are right, it is normal. But you cant control someone else's happiness.

And she's obv not a good friend, so good riddance! Probs had her eye on him for a while, which is yuck.

Blooming good job you dont want him anymore!!

Ouch! I don’t know the circumstances of your divorce but regardless having a best friendship breakup as part of that - even if it was later down the road must’ve been awful .

I had a friend like that in my 20s, she had known me since age 11 but wanted to play both sides when I was treated poorly by a guy she barely knew but seemed to really want a friendship with. I saw her do the same with others too, because of that and other reasons I ditched her.

I could definitely see her doing what your ex-bestie did.

Nobody knows whether op’s husband and her best friend are shagging. What we do know is that she’s abandoned her best friend of 20 years at an incredibly difficult time of her life (despite your assertions that the party to chooses to leave doesn’t need support) in favour of supporting her stb ex.

Shit behaviour in everyone’s eyes - except yours apparently.

not as much as the lengths people will go to attack and make everything a woman's fault.

If the OP is worried that something has been going on all along, it's not ironic at all. His behaviour is odd.

The lengths people will go to to defend shit behaviour from a woman.

IMO it's the husband who is shady AF. He's the one who made marriage vows.

in this situation, oh the irony 😂

I have no idea if they are shagging or just friends.

but he can get support from whoever he wants. Someone who knows the situation, and who has been friends with him for years is a choice that make sense. If you want your wife back, it does make more sense to speak with a common friend who knows her than a friend of his who doesn't, or not much?

If your husband wants to leave you, wouldn't you be tempted to speak with his friend, or a common friend, rather than just your own? They'll know him, and you might hope they will influence him in staying

That's the problem with these situations, her priorities are her friends, it's unfair to expect people to choose but it ends up being that way.

It's pathetic that people can't even meet for a drink because one wants to cry on other shoulder without being insulted and accused of being a snake and all the other charming comments on this thread above.

💯great advice
She’s no friend @GooglePenguinBollardsIDareYou

Your poor Mum, that’s awful. How did she cope, @Thepossibility
What age were you, stuck in the middle ?