To think SAHD is totally unfair ?

I think you both need to sit down and talk about wha5 you both really want

You aren’t happy because you’re doing a bit of both
I doubt he will be happy doing all the kiddy and house stuff

Perhaps he needs to go back to work and you both need to not wfh so much. You can then separate home life from work life and enjoy your kids when you’re not working and work when you are at work

I don’t know why people are suggesting the OP go elsewhere to work, or the OP do this or that. Why is this mans failing up to her to put right.

Just tell him it’s not working, he either needs to step up and start doing the SAH role properly, or he goes back to work and you use his wage to pay for nursery and a cleaner.

Lazy fucker.

This

How many days is this happening , whereby you are looking after a toddler and working . Is it once a day or once a week?

Your husband sounds work shy and lazy. Never a good idea to let a mum/dad who struggles with paid work , can’t cope with life stress become a sahp. The other parent will end up picking up the slack whilst the sahp does the bare minimum.

Start saying no.
His job is raising the children and keeping the home for the most part.
Say no and stop doing the housework and childcare when you're meant to be working. If he needs to go out he can take the kids like sahms do.
If he doesn't like it and wants to even the playing field, he can get a paid job.

Why are you tolerating this? I genuinely don’t understand these sorts of threads.

He has a choice he either does what it says in the tin and be a SAHD (alongside the bulk of the housework) or he gets a job and you muddle through it together

doing nothing isn’t an option.

This is a really important point. Do you sometimes volunteer to look after the toddler? I'm on maternity leave so our 2 are my responsibility when my husband is WFH. He is definitely guilty of sometimes starting to help with things and then getting stressed because he's got work things to do. We're both much happier when I've made it clear to him that I don't expect any help and if he chooses to, that's on him.

So what is the point of him? If you’re doing everything, you don’t need him! Much better to be a happy, single parent! I’d also focus on not losing your job. You’re going to need it and he’s trying to sabotage it.

So even though you’re his sugar mummy providing for him and helping him escape a job he hates he’s horrible to you!?

If he complains again tell him to get a job and you’ll put your child in nursery.

Ltb x

Yes, this is also true. When I had a small baby and a toddler at home and DH would come popping down for a 6 minute chat before drifting off again, usually just as the toddler had got interested in him, it drove me absolutely mad. Much easier for everyone if lines are clear.

Wow he is massively taking the piss! If he’s not the type to change, he needs to get back out into paid employment pdq. If your marriage broke down right now, he would expect you to pay him child support…consider that!!

You're taking the piss with your employer. How much time a day do you actually prioritise work? The paid work that keeps a roof over your head and food on the table. SAHD should be doing all childcare and some housework while you are working. Outside this time you share DC and chores.

If DH feels his life is so hard he should go back to paid employment. Hopefully he can earn enough to pay for childcare and a cleaner to cover the jobs he used to manage. The rest will need to be split

Start writing a list of your day and his day side by side including the things you’ve just said. You putting on a load of washing, hoovering, having your child for 45 mins whilst he goes out and working a full day. Show him the comparison of your duties both with work and household and he will be able to see it’s not even.

Either get yourself out of the house and back into the office or tell him it’s time he starts doing his load of the work or he goes out and get a job.

You sit him down and you say to him that yes you are home, but you are working to provide for the family, not do jobs he should be doing

as a SAHP he should be looking after the children and doing the bulk of the house work, as any mother would be expected to do, not assume you will jump in

so clear guidelines between 9 and 5 you are unavailable, unless it’s an actual emergency. If he needs to go out he takes the child

otherwise find somewhere local to work and actually leave the house

He needs to get a job and your children need outside childcare.

He is doing the least he can get away with.
Him being primary carer is not working.
He is making you vulnerable.

Is this marriage going to work with such an unfair split?

Organise childcare.
Tell him get a bloody paid job and share the load.

He's a lazy dud who thought being SAHD would be a synch.
Its not.

What is the point of him is the question?

Exactly. If this continues they might both be SAHP soon.

All of the above.

I’m a SAHM and I do not expect my husband to do anything with the kids during the working day, even if he’s WFH. I expect him to help out in the evening and to do his share of housework on the weekends, but even then I’m the default carer. It sounds like your husband is stuck in the very male mindset of thinking that he’s ‘helping out’ or ‘babysitting’ and that the children are really your job (even though you have a financial job). He has to get past that.

It definitely can. Defined work space away from family space, clear boundaries about when the WFH parent is available - such as lunch - and mutual respect that both parents are giving through role and responsibility their all.

He’s a lazy twat, isn’t he? Can’t manage working, can’t manage being a SAHD, yet he thinks you have it easy? When you are earning all the family money?? 🙄🙄

Time for a talk. He either steps up and has the dc properly all day and does all the housework, cooking, life admin etc or he looks for a job.

WFH and SAHP doesn't work.

He needs to get back to work if he doesn’t enjoy being a SAHD

Exactly. My husband does this when he’s not busy. When he’s not busy I use him as my sub so I get some time off (oh you’re not busy? Great, I need to pop to the shop, here have our child!)

I agree with this too.

My husband used to work from home sometimes when I was on maternity leave and it drove me crazy when he would pop up and down whenever he fancied. You are not available to “help” so at that point just keep out of the way and let them have their day. Clear boundaries, you both need to start living as if your office is 20 miles away.