To think SAHD is totally unfair ?

He sounds lazy and inept.

I've got nothing against stay at home dads, my own father was one and he was great. This guy sounds like a pisstaker.

Your expectations aren't too high, they aren't high enough.

What’s wrong with walking the dog or doing laundry when wfh?

You that when people are in the office they take breaks? If I take a 5 min break in the office or take 5 min break at home to put laundry on what’s the difference?

And if I take 30 mins at lunch to have a walk in the office why is that ok but 30 mins to walk the dog when wfh is not?

This. ^ How and WHY are people doing laundry, ironing, hoovering, dusting, walking the dog, childcare etc etc when they work from home? (I hear quite a number of people on MN saying they do this!) I know a few people who work from home (4 actually,) including one of my DD (well, 1 day in the office, 3 days WFH condensed hours,) and none of them do anything else when working/during work hours.

Occasionally my DD will have an extra 15 minutes lunch when I pop around to see her for a lunchtime coffee, but she works 15 minutes extra later on that afternoon to make up or it. (And she okays it with her manager first and lets them know she will be a bit later logging back on...)

My neighbour who works from home takes her toddler to a nursery in town at 8am and starts work at 8.30am then goes to get the child at 5.30pm. She does not have the child at home when she is working. Only thing she does in the day is walk her dog, and she does that in her lunch hour.

When you work from home, you are working, literally 'at work.' You couldn't/wouldn't do all these chores and childcare if you were in the office, so why are people doing it when they're being paid by an employer to work? I expect some people will say 'oh I have flexible hours and so I can do stuff during the day.' But I don't buy it. You're working/at work, why the heck are you doing household chores and childcare when you're meant to be working?

As you say, no wonder so many employers want their employees back in the office!

@greyA As for you OP, you really need to find somewhere else to work, or get back to the office. Your DH is taking the piss. No WAY would any man who works from home be 'helping' his wife around the house, and 'helping' to look after the children. Wouldn't happen!

I can't see the point in staying married to the man.

@greyA think you need to do this for a while. Or tell him you are in the office and sit down the road in Costa for a couple of weeks. Otherwise, you need to be unavailable when wfh other than the odd break you have. Not when it suits him!

Nah he needs to take toddler with him to run errands!!! What a piss take. The only exception would be if your DH had to go to the dentist and could only get that day or something and was going to be half an hour or so, so you could plan it in. Otherwise he should treat it like you’re not there. Maybe he needs to get a job now and your toddler gets some childcare…

He said to me this evening- like he frequently does what a luxury it is that I get to sit on my bum all day working whilst he’s juggling our toddle

Tell him to trade places.

Tell him to go out there and get a job that matches your current salary. Then you quit your job and be a SAHM.

Him being a SAHP means that you should not do ANY childcare during your work hours.

Same here. People have been sacked for lying about it.

what age is this prince among men? Has he ever fulfilled any responsibility for a sustained period of time?

In my line of work this isn't allowed. You can't be caring for a child whilst working.

If there is a company office you can go and work at then do that. If he’s a sahd then yes he should be doing all the childcare while you work and as much taking care of the house/washing etc as possible whilst looking after your baby. That’s literally the job of a sahp.
You should certainly not be interrupted during your working day. Sounds like he’s realised how hard it is to look after a baby all day, and that a traditional desk job is in many ways easier. You really need to lay down boundaries about you not being able to do anything during your working day (eg he should not be leaving the house while baby naps, unless it’s only 5/10 minutes). Alternatively discuss the fact that this situation isn’t working for you so he may need to get a job and the child goes to some kind of childcare (or you become the sahp if thats what you want/financially viable).

Go in to the office. Job done.

Why on earth are you popping downstairs frequently to see them both?! You are in work, he is on charge of the house and toddler, stay in work mode and stop blurring the lines. He is taking the piss because he s allowed too. No SAHM pops out for errands at nap time leaving WFH dad in charge of the toddler, errands have to be done with toddler in tow.
Even if you go back to the office now I can't see him getting any better now that he has it in his head how little he to do

I'm a sahm. From 9am-5.30pm I am in charge of childcare, housework, life admin and gardening.

Outside of those times DH and I share tasks as much as possible. I cook, he washes up, he does bath, I do bedtime. If there's stuff that urgently needs doing it will be mostly me who notices and I'll ask him to help, which he does. Sometimes he offers to do a job he knows I hate (ie hoovering).

If our roles were reversed I'd expect the same. It's not OK for him to allow the kids to disrupt you during working hours. I'd start working from the office more tbh if it didn't stop. Or expect him to get a job.

If he can't understand boundaries, you need to get out of the house, at least for a few weeks. Just to clarify that working means WORKING. And you are not to be disturbed unless absolute emergency.

d hoovered, all whilst entertaining toddler and juggling teams messages.
You are BU. You shouldn't be doing your hoovering during working hours.
Laundry I get, it's a 30 seconds job to put in and out, but WFH is not to arrange your housekeeping.

So he takes thr piss out of you and you take the piss out of your employer 🤔.
Send him back to work and organise proper childcare.

You’re blurring the boundaries here and it’s one of the reasons employers want people back in the office. You’re supposed to be working - not minding the toddler, putting in a laundry, popping down to see them every five minutes. Your DP thinks that’s what home working means now - extra support on tap. You need to work away from the home. If you can’t go into your office rent some space, go and sit in a library (if you live near a university they’ll have lots of library space available in a few weeks and you can register as an external reader), or borrow a room in a friends house. You are enabling this and he is letting you because it’s making his life a lot easier. If he’s still not happy he needs to go back to work.

He said to me this evening- like he frequently does what a luxury it is that I get to sit on my bum all day working whilst he’s juggling our toddler

A luxury easily available to him if he wants to sit on his bum all day working and pay for his share of childcare.

You need a list of chores so it’s Crystal clear who does what. He’s a but useless!

By way of comparison, in a SAHM with a DH who works mainly from home. I do all school runs (he maybe dues 3 a year), all cleaning, shopping, housework, cooking (inc at weekends but that’s another thread!), all after school activities, all weekends activities, gardening, bins, cars to the garage nonsense, tip runs, child appointments, keeping them occupied during school holidays. He does looks after financial admin, books holidays, his own washing and that’s it. If he’s at home I make sure the DC don’t disturb him to the extent if they’re playing outside and get too noisy they’ll be told to wheesht or come in. I don’t expect him to be free for chats whenever I want and always check he’s free if I pop up to the office.

There is NO WAY you should have a child to look after while you’re working. Toddler goes on the school run and sleeps in the pushchair. If they nap at the wrong time, one of SAHD’s jobs is to reschedule it or find a way to make things work. You don’t do any housework unless it’s the weekends or if not doing it would be arsey eg making a point of walking past something as you’ve”finished” for the day. If he’s got 1 toddler at home he should be able to get everything done. You may not live in a show home, but it should be clean and you can find a seat at the end of the day.

He’s a bit shit. Sorry.

Yes. This.

Dud is the word.

This. Is he competent at ANYTHING??

Furthermore it's cheating your employer to be doing so much housework and childcare during business hours.

YANBU

However he isn’t going to fix this

So start working somewhere else ideally, or at least have office hours and a sign on the door to indicate that.

He does not get to go and run errands without the toddler or anything else during a normal working day. Apart from the fact it’s literally his job to have the toddler, if you continue to fall behind at work you put your family finances at risk

Divvy up the household tasks so you’re each doing a fair share

If he doesn’t like this he can go back to work and your toddler to nursery

Even if he does pull his socks up, make sure he’s heading back PT when nursery hours kick in - he is the type of person who will never go back to work given half a chance - which is OK if you can afford that long term, but I am not getting that vibe from you

my other half works from home and 2 days a week that I’m at home with the toddler. Do I occasionally ask him to watch the little one for 5 minutes yeah but I’m really under the mindset that he’s not available. You should maybe have a chat and remind him that from the hours of whatever your not available.

like others have said probs best to work from a cafe or library for a bit