WIBU if I complain about this teacher?

Are you fucking serious! How dare you thug of a son put the teacher in that position, be a bloody parent although suspect it’ll be too late, I hope you like prison visits because that’s where he is heading if he and you don’t wind your necks in and behave like decent human beings.

As a late 20s teacher (in 1988), I once had to wade into a fight between 2 Y10 boys, both of whom were bigger than me. I managed to separate them but was physically injured in doing so (not seriously - but it hurt and I incurred bruises).

The next day, the fathers of both boys came into school and - they were both of Bangladeshi origin - apologised. One of them cried.

You'd be doing your son ZERO favours by complaining. If you want to save him from permanent exclusion AND arrest and probable prosecution (both of which I - a former headteacher - would be going for in this case), you need to get him to apologise and YOU need to apologise on his behalf for this APPALLING behaviour.

A female teacher had to deal ALONE with a group of thugs - and YOUR take is to want to complain about HER?

You said he was coming back to go at the boy again...

Now the story has changed

Hmm

Wonder why your son is the way he is...

You really need to work on your empathy, OP.
I have been the Teacher in this scenario more times than I care to remember. Some 14 year old boys are already taller than me, and the level of rage they display when intent on assaulting someone can be really quite extreme. Most people don't have to deal with this shit during their working day, so they have no concept of what it's like to feel duty-bound to put your body between two (or more!) adolescent males who are full of anger and hormones and have lost all control. In this situation, as far as i'm concerned, it is my job to protect the child who is the target (and any other children in the vicinity) and I know that the law, and the schools behaviour policy covers me so I can use reasonable force to do so. But it's still fucking scary.

You say your DS started to walk away and then turned back. Well, the teacher (not unreasonably) will have assumed that your DS was going to attempt to attack the other child again...because this happens a lot. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a child appear to calm down after going for another child, and you think it's over, only for them to suddenly turn around and go for them again.

Your DS behaved appallingly, as you acknowledge. But you're still minimising his behaviour. You say he was in a fight but what you decribe isn't a fight at all, its a co-ordinated attack. He assembled a mob basically, in order to carry out a pre-meditated assault on a younger child. In that scenario the last thing I want to do is put hands on a child, apart from anything else it incurrs additional paperwork and leaves me vulnerable to complaints from parents like yourself who are desperate to deflect attention from their own childs behaviour. But rightly or wrongly I will not stand by and allow a child to come to harm on my watch, even if it means putting myself in harms way. This Teacher clearly felt similarly and she did what she had to do in the moment. If you have any sense at all you will drop this, work with the school to support your DS and stop focusing on the wrong things.

I wonder if OP has read all these reply’s and is taking them on board 🤔

I remember a teacher physically dragging a boy off another boy who he was punching and restraining him to stop the fight. This teacher was a big tall.man..no one complained!

You are a terrible mother. You really are.

I’d assume your son is lying as he sounds horrible. Focus on that not the poor teacher

I couldn’t agree more, @F1LandoFan - the teacher was in a dangerous and scary situation, and @Throwawaymama‘s son had turned back to say something else to the other boy - he wasn’t just walking away.

His behaviour was absolutely unacceptable, and the teacher’s actions were entirely proportionate.

Wtf OP, your son is a bully and you're wanting to complain to the school about the teacher that protected another pupil from being beaten up by your son. What is wrong with you?

You said in your original post that it was when he turned back around to say something to the victim.

If you complain, the staff will know why your son thinks he can get away with behaviour like that.

Imagine for a moment that the younger boy is your son, and 4 pathetic older boys come in to attack him. What would you have done? Would you have wanted the teacher to let them seriously hurt your son, or would you have pushed them away from him in an attempt to protect him. She put herself at risk to protect a younger child, she deserves a bloody medal. Your son needs to write her a letter of sincere apology, you also need to do the same, as parents we have responsibility for your child's actions.

Also, on whose account was your DS just turning round to say something to the other boy? You say there isn’t CCTV. Have you read the witness statements? Let me guess, it’s your DS who told you he was only turning round to “say something”. I can assure you this is very unlikely to have been the case!!! Be careful believing the crap children say to try and worm their way out of trouble. If you think your boy wouldn’t lie to you, you are wholly mistaken.

Yes. Exactly this.

Your thinking about this is exactly the reason your son behaves the way he does. You’d rather blame someone else than look at the real problem- your son’s violence. You’ve brought him up no consequences and an excuse for any behaviour. Shame on you

Parents like you are the reason I left teaching after 15 years! I really feel for this poor teacher. Do you realise that she may need therapy for PTSD after such an incident? I bet she didn't enter the profession so that she could break up fights! But that's ok because you can only selfishly think about your lout of a son!

Unless he tries his thuggish bullying on someone a lot stronger than a small woman , in which case she could well be the parent standing outside a courtroom as a grieving mother complaining that his killer didn’t get a long enough sentence.

Classic case of deflection. You are entirely correct when you say “I know what my DS did was far from ok” and that should be all you say. Adding in “…but, the teacher’s behaviour was worthy of complaint” is ridiculous.

I will say this:

1. i have worked in education for more than 20 years, specifically with children where challenging behaviour is present. I am trained in how to diffuse situations and positively handle children if the need arises and I can assure you although pushing a child away when they are about to attack another child isn’t one of the technical manoeuvres we learn, it would be considered as reasonable and proportionate. In other words you don’t have a leg to stand on and will make yourself look very silly.
2. by complaining about this teacher you are drawing attention away from your DS’s behaviour. This is a terrible lesson to teach your DS! (“Son, if you’ve behaved really badly try and find a way to deflect attention rather than facing the true consequences of what you’ve done!”) It reminds me of someone who’s been caught red handed cheating when a partner reads an incriminating message on their phone and the cheating partner flies into a rage about their privacy being invaded. It’s all deflection away from the real issue. This is what you’re teaching him to do.
3. he may be incensed about what the teacher has done. This is a normal teenage reaction to knowing they have done something bad. It’s an emotionally immature response. It’s what they do. It’s your job to guide him to the appropriate response. In other words “you were about to attack that child. The teacher was preventing this from happening and you should be grateful they stepped in because you could have caused lasting damage to that child if you had continued with your attack. Be thankful you were stopped! You put that teacher in an awful position. Don’t you dare blame them. You were entirely in the wrong and you will certainly not be complaining about anyone else’s conduct!!” This is the only appropriate response.

To be honest, even if she do it as he was walking away (probably in a confused panic) I still wouldn’t be complaining if it were my son. I’d be so ashamed and devastated that my child could behave that way.

I’m glad you are getting help for your son, it sounds like he desperately needs it. I also hope the other child and teacher get justice and your son is expelled. I’m sorry if that’s harsh, but I have 3 boys with SEN and my oldest in particular has anger issues (so we’ve had some issues in the past) but what I’d just read is on another level.i would be very frightened that my son was capable of this.

no wonder this generation is growing up entytled with these sort of arsehole parents

sometimes wish it was like tghe old days when kids had respect and someone could give them a slap

She’s not big or tall

I wonder if this boy would have done the same if the supervising teacher had been a 6ft 3in man built like a brick shithouse, rather than a small woman?

(And if the 6ft 3in man had laid hands on the boy to remove him from the situation, and then stood over him and given him the bollocking he deserved, it still wouldn't be cause for complaint.)

Totally totally agree @Throwawaymama - I hope you’re reading all these comments and thinking how to parent better and apologise to this teacher who I’m sure will be upset this evening.

Idiot. Both your son and you.

Honestly, I despair. Teacher of 30 + years here & I've stopped 3 fights in total. Those have been very extreme cases. I work in an inner-city school with lots of social issues, so no leafy, private school here. A fight like you describe is extreme & worrying. Focus on that, not someone trying to protect herself & another child.

You don’t have to read far into this document to see that what the teacher did is completely reasonable: https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5a819959ed915d74e6233224/Use_of_reasonable_force_advice_Reviewed_July_2015.pdf

Place your energy somewhere else. Your son, maybe?