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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For my husband to want me to get angry on his behalf?

80 replies

AnimalFarm1983 · 19/05/2025 17:19

I'll try to keep this brief..I was in WH Smiths choosing a birthday card for my SIL and called DH to see what type of card he wanted. When he realised where I was he said he had just been in there and had a row with the cashier because she deliberately wouldn't serve him as there were self service tills available. He said he wanted to pay there for a reason i forgot and she was a bit snarky about it (according to him) so he told her to F off and threw the magazine on the counter.

He then wanted me to approach her, get her name and tell her he was reporting her for her attitude. My stomach fell at this, it was quiet in there and I've chatted with this worker before. I said I'd try and get her name at least. I went to the counter and asked for the magazine as i had no idea where it was. She picked one up off the floor and said 'this one? Funny as I've just had a man throw it at me.' I squeaked out, yes that was my husband I think he felt you were rude to him. She then re-told the story the same but acted like she was polite. I ended up apologising for his behaviour. She then said 'men are like that' and shrugged. I didn't get her name.

I now feel really sick and have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. If I don't start kicking off like him about behaviour I didn't even witness he will say I'm not supporting him and not on his side. He has done this before, wanting me to go somewhere and make a fuss on his behalf. It's just so awkward, not my fight and I'm not as angry at the world as he is. I feel really annoyed he has made me feel like this and put me in this position. He is depressed and waiting for therapy but he comes home almost daily with a story about how someone slighted him or upset him etc. Even if the woman WAS rude I would have probably thought, what a cow and shrugged it off and got on with my life whereas he makes these things into a huge massive big deal.
AIBU to not want to do what he said and get involved in this?

OP posts:
ForeverPombear · 19/05/2025 17:24

You sound scared of him OP, you shouldn't be scared of your husband. He sounds like an awful bully.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 19/05/2025 17:24

ooo

you shouldn't have apologised for him BUT

He was very unreasonable to ask you to go and start an argument with the girl on his behalf! 😄

You were on the spot and stressed out by the phone call with him. But the girl sounds attitudey so you should have at least defended dh when she started speaking about him, by saying something like 'I think its crossed wires, as he thought you were being unhelpful. anyway, thanks, have a good day'.

But hindsight is a great thing, who's to say how they'd react under stress, especially if this has happened before, try not to worry yourself xx

I'd definitely avoid that shop though!

Edit, I've just reread it and I don't blame you at all! With his MH issues, he's likely escalating every situation and feels like the world is against him. You should defend your man but if he's exploding all of the time, you can't spend your life fighting for him. HE needs to get himself sorted x

ExtraOnions · 19/05/2025 17:23

He’ll be lucky if he’s not banned … swearing at staff, and throwing things at them.

He’s behaving like a manipulative bully.

Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 19/05/2025 17:22

He sounds like an absolute prick. I hate people that behave like this. Please don't pander to his twattery

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 19/05/2025 17:21

You need to tell him no. He sounds like a bully. You don't feel like you can tell him no. He likes to throw his weight around.