For my husband to want me to get angry on his behalf?

Depression is no excuse for being rude, aggressive and controlling. That is bullshit. Why didn’t he buy his own card and behaving like that with the shop assistant and with you is unacceptable.

I think along these lines.

It doesn't excuse shitty behaviour but mental health illness is just that.
An illness that needs treatment like other illnesses.
OP I hope he does get better after the therapy and you can live happily again

Im Not making excuses- his behaviour is absolutely not ok. However, it IS because of his mental heath. He needs to see how important it is to get help because he is acting unreasonably. I’ve seen it countless times in family and friends - they come off their meds, or don’t believe in meds, and meanwhie everyone around them suffers

I’ve voted YABU as I wouldn’t even have spoken to this woman about him, much less admitted he was my husband. You need to shut him down, there’s no way you should be getting anxious about how he has behaved and how he is involving you. There is no way you should be expected to ‘defend’ him and take his side over something so petty. Also, why would you need his input on what sort of card he wants? If he’s so particular and he’s just been in there why didn’t he choose one himself - my DH wouldn’t have any opinion on what sort of card to send, although he wouldn’t even know it was someone’s Birthday so….. it sounds like he is horrible and controlling - to the point where you won’t even buy a card without checking with him? You need to toughen up and stop enabling his ridiculous behaviour. Imagine all this fuss because he felt a cashier in a shop was rude to him? I’m sorry you are in this situation, you need to make a change for your own good. Don’t let him make you feel guilty just because he has MH issues. Your happiness is of equal importance. He’s acting like a prick.

Just so I underhand this correctly:
Your husband went into the shop for a magazine. (I’m presuming for himself)
You went into the same shop to buy SIL’s card.

Again, I’m presuming it’s his sister as you phoned him to check it was what he wanted.

Without the whole issue of how the interaction between him and the sales assistant went, why didn’t he buy the card?
He won’t buy the card but you have to check it’s the right one.

There are alarm bells ringing here.

how does he think it’s ok to shout and swear at staff 😭
don’t spend your life walking on egg shells OP

I can't remember the last time someone was rude to me, can't remember the last time my DH said someone was rude to him either. I don't recall him ever expecting me to defend him. You sound scared of your DH. All that makes me think he is the problem, he sounds like a nasty, aggressive bully.

’I am not your Rottweiler,’ is what I tell mine when he wants me to pick a fight for him. Seems to settle him down

As a rule people should always be on their spouse's side. That goes for both genders. But only as far as supporting their spouse. Nobody has to actively continue a feud on the other's behalf.

Imagine a GROWN ADULT MAN shouting, swearing, and then throwing something at a retail assistant, even if she was a little bit sassy (which tbh, I wouldn't even be sure of). He sounds like an absolute bully and controlling. If that happened to me, I'd probably roll my eyes internally and crack on with my day. If I was the assistant, I would be tempted to report him - many retail assistants now wear body cameras for this exact reason. I don't know how you don't have the ick to be honest.

A bully and a coward. YABU for defending him. You weren’t there so you don’t know who did what BUT you do know he has track record.🤔

Tell him you didn't see her, she must have gone for lunch/break.

He sounds like he has a lot of issues but you shouldn't have to deal with it. My sister was with a guy like this and EVENTUALLY she left him. Took her over 20 years though.

Never make a fuss on somebody else's behalf unless they are genuinely unable to do it themselves - ie they are very old or otherwise vulnerable. Why can't he make a complaint himself?
At a guess because he knows throwing the magazine at the cashier is not a reasonable way to resolve a disagreement, but he still wants to punish her even though he was unreasonable. I would be very wary of a man who wants other people to fight his battles for him.
You may be right and it is part of his depression, but l think it is likely to be part of his personality - some people are more resilient than others and can take the knocks of every day life without getting angry and taking it out on people, clearly your husband gets angry then bullying, first to the assistant, then to you-You need couples counselling as well as his own counselling, otherwise l think your life together will never be happy.

Twattery, love it! I'm taking that lol.

I don't approve of self service tills and refuse to use them. If the cashier refused to serve me, I would leave without making a purchase and would boycott that shop. I understand your DH frustration but that doesn't justify his behaviour.

I dunno, shop assistants these days are rude tbh, and I worked in retail through my youth

Still, he had no business behaving like that, getting so worked up that he threw something, not acceptable

I don't think that people are 'terrified' to disagree, from what I recall at the time I posted that - just that, people don't want to respond to every little irritation like he does

What makes you stay married to this fine specimen of a man?

A quiet life is no bad thing. If you have never lived with a bully it may be difficult to understand.

Id be "attitudey" if some bellend shouted at me for no reason and threw something at me when I just doing my job FFS.

And his mental health is absolutely not an excuse. Yes, he may be irritable because he's depressed. That does not mean everyone else just has to agree with him and tell him he's right all the time. And he does not get to make his partner (or anyone else) terrified to disagree with him.

I'm guessing he's not been to the GP about his mental health issues or tried any medication.

I don't think I would have told the assistant it was your husband she was referring to or have got into any conversation at all.

However, I'd always assume my own partner/relative was in the right never a shop assistant I barely knew.

Why wouldn't they serve someone at the counter? It's like talking themselves of a job.

This is terrible. Why should OP lie and hope for the best? Why are women so conditioned to appease men?

This is not normal behaviour.

This will escalate into him telling you to kick
off with your family and his friends because of him.

I foresee a lot of emotional abuse for you if you stay with him.

This is a reasonable thing to say. Just cross yur fingers behind your back. Good luck.o

If he has a problem with everyone. The problem isn't everyone...

Your husband is a POS. Who does he think he is throwing a magazine at someone.