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AIBU?

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Original poster

Lend car to husband and walk to work for 2-3 weeks

188 replies

BritAirwaysgirl · 19/05/2025 17:17

Married for 15 years, our children are at uni, both work full-time and always have done. Completely separate finances and always have had. Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc. I pay the mortgage and food/household goods and husband pays the utilities, council tax, etc, which works out about equal. We each have a car individually financed by ourselves. We strictly stick to our individual respective cars. Husband's car is going to be in the garage for 2-3 weeks having major work done. He works 1 hour away so a 2 hour round trip and he uses his car for all his 5-6 appointments each day. I work 2 miles away, approx 40 minute walk each way. Husband is going to hire a car for work as he is contracted and does not get any paid leave. AIBU to not offer him to use my car for 2-3 weeks and I can walk to work each day? Or should he sort his own transport issues out as it is not my problem?

OP posts:
SheridansPortSalut · 19/05/2025 18:11

This sounds more like a business arrangement than a marriage so he should hire his own car. It needs to come from the budget allocation for his department of one. Otherwise it would be too difficult to reconcile at the end of the year.

Cucy · 19/05/2025 18:10

Can he not drop you off and pick you up?
Or just drop you off?

I would have no issues walking home but it would depend on what the walk is like whether I’d want to walk to work in the morning.

40mins is fine on the flat but if it’s steep incline and you could possibly be sweaty and flustered going in to work then I wouldn’t do it.

Has your car never been in the garage? What happened then?

Kumqwhat · 19/05/2025 18:10

One car here, and whoever needs it most uses it. So I’d let your DH use it. But I would mostly be embarrassed at driving a 2-mile journey and get a bike.

viques · 19/05/2025 18:09

nats2010 · 19/05/2025 17:20

I'd let him paddle his own canoe.

That only works if the OPs house backs onto a river that flows past his workplace, but it would make an interesting commute.

CautiousLurker01 · 19/05/2025 18:08

He should hire a car - or ask the garage if they have a courtesy car.

Communitywebbing · 19/05/2025 18:06

It would help him to use your car and the walk would do you good. Why not?

BruFord · 19/05/2025 18:06

Could he drop you off in the morning and then you could walk home at a leisurely pace?

Our cars are jointly owned so we both use them as needed…if DD (20) isn’t home from uni and zooms off in one of them. 😂

CampanulaMila · 19/05/2025 18:04

Seems a bit depressing to have a marriage where you share nothing and it also seems a bit depressing to be driving a two-mile commute. Could you not sell the car and buy a bike or something?!

nutbrownhare15 · 19/05/2025 18:04

I have a 35 minute walk to work and feel it really benefits my general health to do so so I'd see it as an opportunity.

Redpeach · 19/05/2025 18:03

Could you cycle?

TheHouseElf · 19/05/2025 18:02

Aren't you meant to be a team when you are married?

I'd let him have the car and if necessary (like if it was raining) get a taxi there/back when or if I needed.

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 19/05/2025 18:01

GRex · 19/05/2025 17:23

I can't quite understand how your marriage works if you both refuse to share anything. Why did you marry?

I'd say he should drop you off and take the car, then you walk home. Or the reverse. But then I don't quite follow the vibe you have.

I’m in this camp too.

my initial reaction however was to let him have your car (I couldn’t imagine not if it were me and my husband), but then I thought you don’t share anything anyway, so let him sort himself out instead.

nomas · 19/05/2025 18:01

YANBU. He meats separately finances so he’s begging what he asked for.

Sosigsandwich · 19/05/2025 18:00

TicketyBoo11 · 19/05/2025 17:30

What a sad set up. No team work or sharing in sight. Not my sort of situation but if that’s what you like then that’s what you like…I would offer my car to my husband, he’d do the same for me. We’re not perfect but we work with each other not against..

I whole heartedly agree with this. Absolutely nothing about your post shouts a happy marriage or any team work. Being married 15 years and having children doesn't make a successful marriage, having an intertwined life where you support each other in any way possible does.

britnay · 19/05/2025 17:59

If its only 2 miles, why do you drive anyway? Its much healthier, cheaper, and better for the environment to walk.
I used to walk further than that when I was pregnant, in all weather, and carried shopping home on the way back.

5foot5 · 19/05/2025 17:59

Completely separate finances and always have had. Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc.

This is what leapt out of the page for me. Does he earn significantly more than you? Do you have similar amounts of spending money? When childcare was an issue how was the cost of that split?

FrodoTheBlueWhippet · 19/05/2025 17:58

Sounds like a weird marriage. You don't seem to like your DH

Veganpug · 19/05/2025 17:57

Would he do the same For you if roles were reversed..
It doesn't sound like he would from what you wrote
So no I wouldn't in your shoes

thetrumanshow · 19/05/2025 17:56

Do people really live like this?

Or should he sort his own transport issues out as it is not my problem?

why are you even married? I have seen more warmth and help between roommates who are pretty much strangers.

I work 2 miles away, approx 40 minute walk each way.
YABU for not walking to work anyway.

S0j0urn4r · 19/05/2025 17:55

Could he drop you off/ pick up? Or would it be so bad to walk if the weather's nice?

Middleagedstriker · 19/05/2025 17:54

What a horrible way to live. Are there upsides to your marriage?

Todaysworldandbiscuits · 19/05/2025 17:53

Why do you need to walk the 40 minutes? Is there not a train/bus service? Can he not drop you off?

I don't understand marriages like this, where everything is separate. It reminds me of being young and having a new boyfriend. Dh, and I share all fiances. It is a collective household income, and he would never nitpick over who earns what. I couldn't be with somebody who did that.

NotOnThsAsosChristmasCardList · 19/05/2025 17:52

Could you agree he funds an Uber/taxi each day for you?
We do have fairly separate finances but would help each other like this in an heartbeat.

OhHellolittleone · 19/05/2025 17:52

Do you care for each other? Do you trust him? Would he go out of this way for you? If so absolutely. Lend him the car, get extra fresh air and tell him he can treat you to a night away with the money he saves!? Win win. If the answer is no, then you’d probably be happier on your own.

In this situation my husband is not the only person I’d do this for. I’d most likely do this for my sister, my parents, my cousin…

CountingToThree · 19/05/2025 17:52

Could he cover the cost of a taxi for you for a few weeks - got to be cheaper than hiring a car!