Lend car to husband and walk to work for 2-3 weeks

@BritAirwaysgirl
It sounds from your post that the financial set up in your marriage has come from your husband as you say he’d never share finances, accounts etc.
Like nearly everyone else, I think it’s a real shame to be in such a transactional relationship but looks like you are where you are after 15 years.

If that’s the case, then I wouldn’t lend him my car. Choices have consequences.
I might be kind and remind him to check that the hire insurance covers him for business use for the visits he does. Might.

Yes, barring disability or serious time pressure driving two miles seems unreasonable but you have your reasons..

He wants everything to be separate, then he makes his own way to work.

I was thinking the same. This relationship sounds exhausting.

Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc.

If DH is the one who would never share, then keep it at that arrangement.

Shocking IMO, I wouldn’t hesitate to give DH my car, probably because we have shared finances and I’d balk at spending family money on a hire car.

however based on his insistence to have separate finances I’d let him waste his money, he reaps what he sows.

Not sure he would be the man for me.

Completely separate finances and always have had. Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc.

Separate family somewhere too perhaps? Ugh. I wouldn’t share my car or my bed with a roommate husband like this. What’s in all this for you OP? Sounds like separate lives so yeah, separate cars. 😏

AIBU to not offer him to use my car for 2-3 weeks and I can walk to work each day?

Who cares when you have such a shit marriage setup? I presume he wouldn’t notice or care either way.

I’d give my car as would DH, your situation is very different however and not something I’d see as a relationship.

In your situation probably not.

Do you even like each other?

What a weird set-up!

I mean, I would never have been driving a distance that short in the first place. Traffic sucks and getting used to driving short distances is a huge waste of an opportunity to actually benefit form your commute. I cycle further than that to work, every day. And our marriage is based on teamwork and financial resources are shared, and DH would do it for me in a heartbeat.

So your choices are: 1) don't, because your marriage is every man and woman for themselves and that works for you, or because you don't anticipate being in it together anyway, or 2) do, because it would benefit the family overall. Up to you to decide which is more important.

What’s the point of being married if you don’t support each other?

I would walk to work for a few weeks personally. It wouldn’t bother me if I didn’t need the car for anything else

Has he actually asked to borrow your car? I assume it's not possible for him to drop you off and collect you each day? I appreciate you have seperate finances but you are a couple and you haven't hinted at either a good or bad general relationship that would influence your decision. Assuming you have a good partnership I'd offer the car and ask if he can pay for a taxi/uber for you if that works out cheaper than a hire car. If you have an unequal/bad partnership then let him solve his own transport issues

Sorry, is he your husband or a lodger/ some bloke you happen to know? If it’s the former, or course you walk 2 miles for a couple of weeks whilst he needs a 2 hour round trip that can’t be walked!

ffs, I bet you take turns at paying when you go out to eat too.

Hand on heart Op, if the situation was reversed would he lend you his car for that long? If he hasn't asked I'd just go on as normal.

this was my thinking

To be honest he sounds like a shitty partner. You’ve had kids and marriage etc and never shared money! What the hell. Even legally the state assumes you do. He’s a bit of a dick imo based on that alone. It’s irrelevant that the amounts you pay for are roughly equal, it’s the principle.

On that basis alone I absolutely would not lend him the car no. He can pay for it out of his ‘own money’!!!

@BritAirwaysgirl

"Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc"

He can't have his cake and eat it too. If he wants things separate, then separate it all shall be. His choice.

Do it only if you want to from the goodness of your heart and expecting nothing back. But if you're feeling pressured or being 'guilted', or if you expect it to engender a feeling of wanting to 'share' in him then no, don't do it. You'll only be disappointed.

In my marriage, we would
share the remaining care as needed. Sometimes I might walk, sometimes he would drive me, sometimes we would hire a 2nd car.

in yours, if he wants to borrow your car, he should pay you. An hours away plus 5-6 appointments a day is a lot of wear and tear. Then add on your inconvenience which is also worth something.

I’m curious is he just like this about money or about everything. Say you were unwell would he provide care for you, or is that your issue to solve? Does he do a fair share of household tasks? If it is just with money what about if one or other of you lost your jobs, would the other person step up to share what they had or would there be a tab running til the person was back at work? What about treats / holidays do you only get to go if you can pay your full share? Meals out does one person sit and eat steak with all the trimmings and the other person has a salad because you have different budgets?

If you put the finances to one side (as you say you pay an even split each) ………. Is he a kind and thoughtful man who does nice favours for you? I would use this to decide, rather than your financial set up. If he regularly is kind and thoughtful towards you, then return the favour. However if he is selfish and wouldn’t do a favour for you, then obviously don’t (and think about if you want to be married to him!)

I'd expect DH to hire his own car but then I wouldn't expect he'd even ask to borrow mine.

P.S I have a 'housemate' marriage too. 🙄😂

Our finances are set up in a broadly similar way.
I would let my husband borrow my car in a heartbeat.
I would also not drive a 2 mile commute. I would run, walk or cycle it.

I agree with this. The minimal impact to the overall family outgoings would be an Uber for you and your car going with him.

So would I. I’d make it work as we have 2 cars without having more expense hiring one