Lend car to husband and walk to work for 2-3 weeks

how did it work when the kids were snall did he share money then

no i wouldnt probably give him my car but then we dont have seprate finances

Exactly this! He sounds awful, not sure I would be minded to help him out at all.

But definitely check the way your finances are worked out is actually fair.

Well since he has benefited from a 50/50 marriage, and seemingly insisted on not sharing his finances with you, his wife and mother of his children, he should also be insistant on sorting out his car situation himself 🥰

I presume as you pay equally, albeit in a strange way, that you earn equally too? Otherwise one of you is getting deeply mugged off. I’d guess it would be you as you said your H would ‘never share finances’.

Is he open with you about what he has and how much he earns?

Anyway back to your query, he wants his own separate finances, that’s fine, but he can sort his own car. Do not inconvenience yourself to sort him out. It’s his problem.

Yes even when our mortgage was at its cheapest, that plus food would have been far higher than council tax plus utilities.

Hmmm, are you absolutely sure your spends "work out equal"?
Your end of that deal with mortgage and food sounds quite high?

one of my great joys in life is that I can walk to work. Also 2miles each way. As you don’t do it, you clearly don’t feel the same way though!

do you actually like your husband? Your op didn’t read as if either of you like each other, so my answer would depend on that.

Married 23 years age (43) we share everything joint account no I in team. I would honestly speak to him about combining if that is the case I would offer car to him/ either 50% depending on his reaction to just share and a 100% if he is wanting to just be a team and share.

He needs a courtesy car or hire car.

In a normal marriage I would offer but not in one like yours.
Absolutely not.
Horrible way to live, but he insisted upon it so follow his lead.

I would in a heartbeat but I quite often walk the 25/30 minutes to and from work anyway and there's a bus that is almost door to door if I don't fancy that, but we don't have such separation of finances etc. We only have one car now because we both work close to home and DH cycles everywhere, but when we had two we both drove mine but I didn't drive DHs , he's not fussy about who drives his car but it was a manual and I only drive auto and my car was nicer

Nope if he wants things separate then that’s the consequence. He can hire himself a car or ask for a courtesy car. If the shoe were on the other foot you would not be getting a lend of his car. 40 minutes is a long way if it’s pissing rain at the start of the day.

In your circumstances I'd say you can have the car but pay me half the hiring fee.

I hope neither of you fall ill and need support from one another. Your post reads so cold.

That doesn't sound like a marriage to me and he can fuck off for your car.

Bloody hell, why an earth do you need validation from a public forum, to know whether you should lend your own car to your own husband for a couple of weeks??? Sorry I find it strange.

Well in my marriage where we share all fiances in one pot and work together as as a team, I would offer my car if I could walk so we didn't have the expense of a hire car BUT obviously your marriage is very very different dynamic. It almost feels like your house mates rather than a team. So I guess it would be easier you told him to sort out his own hire car, because it doesn't seem like you want to do him a favour.

Fucking hell. My DD28 had lent her brother her car for weeks on end as his need was greater.
But then we actually like each other. Unlike many on here clearly.

This is not the point of your thread, but in what world does paying the mortgage and all the food and household costs equal utility bills and council tax? Have you actually checked how much it costs you both because I’d have thought you’re paying quite a bit more.

Exactly.
Our finances are very similarly set up to OP.
It is the being willing to leave one person in the shit with a bill for a hire car/Ubers etc, when there is a perfectly good solution sitting there. But no, husband can't use it, because it's miiiiine.
There is something much bigger wrong in this marriage.

Again, it has nothing to do with finances!

You can have finances as separate as you like, if your laptop or PC breaks down, would your husband just say "your PC, your problem, I am not letting you use mine".

that's not what people are mentioning

It's the "his bill, his car, his problem, not mine".

That is not a marriage. My neighbours would be more helpful than that!

If I only needed a car to get to and from work, I'd probably offer my car for at least part of the time the other car is unavailable. Then I'd get a taxi/uber if it was pouring rain, or I was in a hurry somewhere.

I agree. This is so far removed from how my marriage is.

What are you actually questioning here OP? Reading between the lines I doubt it is about a car.

I know every relationship is different, but is there actually any love between the two of you? Seperate finances, seperate cars, asking on Mumsnet if you should let you husband of 15 years borrow your car, its sounds completely insufferable!

Yes let him use your car for a couple of weeks, good grief!