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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lend car to husband and walk to work for 2-3 weeks

188 replies

BritAirwaysgirl · 19/05/2025 17:17

Married for 15 years, our children are at uni, both work full-time and always have done. Completely separate finances and always have had. Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc. I pay the mortgage and food/household goods and husband pays the utilities, council tax, etc, which works out about equal. We each have a car individually financed by ourselves. We strictly stick to our individual respective cars. Husband's car is going to be in the garage for 2-3 weeks having major work done. He works 1 hour away so a 2 hour round trip and he uses his car for all his 5-6 appointments each day. I work 2 miles away, approx 40 minute walk each way. Husband is going to hire a car for work as he is contracted and does not get any paid leave. AIBU to not offer him to use my car for 2-3 weeks and I can walk to work each day? Or should he sort his own transport issues out as it is not my problem?

OP posts:
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hedgerunner · 02/06/2025 09:41

I can’t imagine not ‘lending’ my car to my dh. We have separate finances too.

deeahgwitch · 02/06/2025 09:27

You are bold (naughty) @TooGoodToGoto 😂

TooGoodToGoto · 02/06/2025 09:18

MintChocCat · 02/06/2025 07:35

Is the OP even ever coming back to this thread?

I think she’s walking to work 🚶….

MintChocCat · 02/06/2025 07:35

Is the OP even ever coming back to this thread?

Icanttakethisanymore · 19/05/2025 22:34

I’d walk every day if I were you (except in terrible weather) but then I like walking. I guess you wouldn’t enjoy the walk (otherwise you’d be doing it anyway) so given you seem to both be looking out for yourselves, I’d leave him to it.

Blondebrownorred · 19/05/2025 22:11

Blondebrownorred · 19/05/2025 22:10

Of course you should offer your car. I wouldn't hesitate to offer for DH. Its only a 40 minute walk. What's your reasoning? Its very mean spirited of you not to offer.

And we have separate finances - I'd still offer.

Blondebrownorred · 19/05/2025 22:10

Of course you should offer your car. I wouldn't hesitate to offer for DH. Its only a 40 minute walk. What's your reasoning? Its very mean spirited of you not to offer.

Blushingm · 19/05/2025 21:45

Can’t the garage give him a courtesy car?

Shatteredallthetimelately · 19/05/2025 21:42

I'll stick to answering your question.

I'd offer the use of my car.

cestlavielife · 19/05/2025 21:28

Why doesn't he ask garage for courtesy car?
You both need cars .
He sorts his out

Zanzara · 19/05/2025 21:25

Why on earth will his car be in the garage for 2-3 weeks? What work takes that long?

I'd be moving heaven and earth to get that timescale changed. Is it a classic car? Is it a vanity project? If so, he could absolutely whistle for it.

mixedcereal · 19/05/2025 21:24

i would absolutely offer my husband the car in this situation, but we largely have shared finances and there is absolutely no tit for tat in
our marriage

ChompandaGrazia · 19/05/2025 21:19

I don’t get all these people who think the only way to show you love someone is to put all your money in one pot. We keep our money separate after bills etc have been paid. That way if I want to spend money on getting my nails done or DH wants to spend money on his hobby then we don’t have to ask permission or feel bad.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 19/05/2025 21:18

We have semi separate finances, bills are shared but cars are our own responsibility. DH lent me his car last year after I had an accident and the garage didn't have a courtesy car and I would do the same for him although he'd have go give me a lift as I couldn't walk for 40 minutes, which I know he would do. I'm not sure I'd feel the same if DH was like OP's husband though.

Thisisittheapocalypse · 19/05/2025 21:12

He can hire a car. Do not inconvenience yourself for someone who wouldn't do the same for you.

iontheprize · 19/05/2025 21:10

FWIW, I do know folks who have separate finances who are very loving and are high-functioning 2 person teams.

That doesn't seem to be the case here, based on "Husband would never share finances, accounts, etc." and the use of "strictly" to define their separate car use. And the fact that this is even a question being asked.

Moonlightexpress · 19/05/2025 21:07

minnienono · 19/05/2025 17:32

Seems so sad to me that you don’t cooperate. Can he drop you one way, is there public transport option.

it will shock you but we’ve decided to get rid of one car, and share

Did you read the op. This is how they are
They don't pay for each others anything and as another poster said. Why start now so the husband can be sorted whilst the op walks . They should have both thought of this if they wanted support from one another. Now, hubby has to take it on the chin and pay for a hire car.

FullOfLemons · 19/05/2025 21:06

RumAndDietCoke · 19/05/2025 17:47

You and your housemate sound like you have a very transactional relationship so probably best you don’t lend him the car 🙄

I sort of agree with this.

However, I think OP might want to consider renting her car to the DH with a view to profiting from his bad luck.

User27563 · 19/05/2025 20:50

Do you actually love each other?

Can't he drop you off on his way?

Dinosweetpea · 19/05/2025 20:48

God, this is all so miserable.
Where's the teamwork?

ManchesterLu · 19/05/2025 20:46

Sorry but you don't seem like much of a team. What's the point in even being married if this is how you live?

Miyagi99 · 19/05/2025 20:46

I’d walk but I enjoy exercise before work and it’s an easy way to get my step count up, can’t he get a car from the garage or insurance company?

qaz1qaz · 19/05/2025 20:45

Weird!

beAsensible1 · 19/05/2025 20:42

If you wanted to let him use and don’t mind the walk.But he would have to pay a daily hire fee

SouthLondonMum22 · 19/05/2025 20:38

thetrumanshow · 19/05/2025 20:28

but again, that's different.

Normal, in my views, marriage: I would offer to lend you my car, but I do need it, you need another solution.

OP: he's not my problem.

Not quite the same, is it.

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Well, OP hasn't been back yet. If she doesn't agree with the fact that they have separate finances then maybe resentment has grown over the years.

It's hard to tell from just the OP though.

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