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Original poster

Nursery mum getting involved in everything

61 replies

Itsaboutbeingawkward · 19/05/2025 14:38

I will start this off by saying I am not the biggest social butterfly in the world, but I would say I am polite and happy to have a friendly chat, i just don’t go out of my way to make proper friends on the nursery run. I also apologise for the length of this!

There is one mum who I am struggling with. She is the kind of person who asks very prying questions and somehow as I am such an awkward turtle I have found in the past I have shared info I probably wouldn’t share with other people I hardly know, things about money and costs of things and finances etc. She seems to ask in a way that I find myself saying it and then wishing I hadn’t.

The main issue I am having is with her daughter and mine. They are friendly, but her LO can be a bit unkind at times and often hurts my wee girls feelings. This used to be a bigger problem but my wee one is starting to distance herself from the friendship which is great. Recently my wee one started a certain type of dancing. It was great as she was making new friends, really enjoying it and it was somewhere away from this little girl. A few weeks ago she won a trophy and brought it into nursery, and when this LO seen it, she demanded to her mum that she also join this dancing. The mum took her out of another club and has now started at the dancing.

It is the kind of class where you wait inside for the dancing to be over. She brings along her smaller child and then it ends up the hour is spent with me entertaining him as she doesn’t seem to be able to keep him chilled while we wait for the girls to come out and he just wants to climb all over me instead.

She has started asking to take my little girl for me as a favour. I have said no each week, as I actually enjoy taking her and it gives me (before she started) an hour to chill and update my business socials.

i have a feeling this is because she will want a favour in return. Dancing competitions will be on weekends and she works weekends. I honestly do not want to end up having to take her little one every weekend, especially when she isnt a very nice little girl.

how do i get the point across politely that i will continue to take my wee girl, and I will not be offering to take hers when it comes to it?

am i being unreasonable for not wanting to get involved in this kind of situation before it is suggested?

OP posts:
MyLittleNest · 19/05/2025 15:12

I have dealt with pushy women like this. I understand how it feels to be caught off guard in the moment and regret things later. With big personalities like this, it's really difficult.

I'd go sit in your car during the dance class. Say that you have some calls to make or emails to do. Continue to say no to the offers to drive, regardless of this woman's motivations. As for sharing too much, now that you are aware of it, it will be easier to not do this going forward. I find that with people like this, it's best to be vague and immediately turn the questions onto them. Let her talk about herself instead of asking about you. And again, distance.

In the end, she might find another dance mum to chat up.

Lottie6712 · 19/05/2025 15:05

CurbsideProphet · 19/05/2025 14:42

"No thanks I'm fine, I don't need you to take my child to dancing".

I would also be saying to her younger child "Ok back to mummy you go" and physically handing them back to her every single time you are climbed on, with a reminder that you're "enjoying some quiet time to do some admin".

This is very sensible advice!

RandomMess · 19/05/2025 15:00

Go sit in your car whilst dance class is on. You could mention how much you enjoy the 1 to 1 time with your DD at the dance shows.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/05/2025 14:57

I have been direct with people before and said “I really value this time as my chance to zone out/ chill out/ have a brain break”. I don’t care if they think it’s odd!

I’d also say “I enjoy bringing my child to this hobby on our own. We like to chat on the way”.

There’s a Mum at my son’s school who annoys me a lot for absolutely no reason- it’s very unfair but she just annoys me even though she’s perfectly nice. I just find her to be across my boundaries - as though she wants us to be close when we aren’t. Crucially - my son is my youngest and her son of the same age is her eldest, and I know what she is looking for is for me to support her and help her out with lifts etc.

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 19/05/2025 14:51

I think you’ve set yourself up for success here but refusing her offers of help now. All you really need to do now is double-down on your reasoning. Make sure you communicate that this is special mummy-daughter time for the two of you and it’s important to you to preserve it. If you get asked for help at the weekends you can just say that you and your DD are going out together before/after the competition and it’s important to you both. I also think it’s ok to say “your daughter doesn’t seem to enjoy spending time with mine and I don’t think it would work to force them together”. It’s good that you can see this coming. Just hold firm.

CynicalSunni · 19/05/2025 14:48

Wear headphones and keep passing her child back to her. Make it clear you are not interested in conversation.

Keep saying no thank you to each request and ' sorry i am watching my daughter righ now ' if you can see them dancing or' sorry i am busy working right now'

And if she keep pestering about the lifts be firm ' we are not interested in that arrangment please stop asking'

Youre being polite just short. Have stock answers for things so she cant worm stuff out of you.

TinyTempest · 19/05/2025 14:46

You seem very down on this woman for simply being different to you?

I agree she sounds mildly annoying but I suspect you're more annoyed at yourself for being the way you are, instead of just accepting you're both different women.

Anyway to the point of your thread, just keep repeating that you enjoy the alone time with your daughter and stick to it.

Moveoverdarlin · 19/05/2025 14:45

I have had this EXACT thing. Another Mum was asking my child over for sleepovers and play dates purely because she was lining something up in return. She was cultivating a relationship with me and my DH because she thought we’re a nice family who she can dump her child on. The child was not very nice at all and the mother was an equal pain in the ass. I’m quite a placid person but in the end I have had to be blunt. I say ‘Can’t make this weekend, but will let you know when we’re free.’ When she offers to take your DD to dancing I would say ‘No thanks, we’re good.’ If it’s awkward, so be it. You need to be clear with people like this.

thismummydrinksgin · 19/05/2025 14:44

You need to be non committal about your plans. I agree with you about not getting into reciprocal arrangements. It will end up turning something nice into a chore x

CurbsideProphet · 19/05/2025 14:42

"No thanks I'm fine, I don't need you to take my child to dancing".

I would also be saying to her younger child "Ok back to mummy you go" and physically handing them back to her every single time you are climbed on, with a reminder that you're "enjoying some quiet time to do some admin".

MattCauthon · 19/05/2025 14:42

This woman sounds annoying. Having said that, I think that you are potentially shooing yourself in the foot by not setting up a friendly recipricol arrangement in place for the longer term - having other families who you can swap favours and lifts with is helpful.

Of course, it doesn't work if you are uncomfortable with her as a person. I'd be making more effort not to engage with her in the first instance and avoiding her questions. At the dance club, take yourself outside or put headphones on with a cheeery, "just taking the hour to get some work done" or whatever. If she offers lifts, a simple, "Aaah, thanks. Right now Penelope feels quite uncomfortable with that and we both like me being here but thanks for the offer and perhaps as the girls get older it might be something we both find helpful."