Nursery mum getting involved in everything

When I was younger and my children were younger I was so confident and full of chat and looking to make friendships for myself and my kids and I will admit I probably came across overpowering to some.

I do remember one mother in a waiting room standing up and saying that she couldn't deal with me and my ways and that she would be spending her time going forward waiting in the car 😳 I was so embarrassed but the message got through to me and I toned things down and kept to myself. Maybe something like this but a bit less abrupt?

Now I'm older I want people to leave me alone but they won't 🤣

Life is full of annoying people.

You're an adult. Just say no thanks. Practice in the mirror if you need to.

You’ll meet more pushy people in future so here’s a chance to grow your confidence by speaking up for yourself and your child.

You’re being too wet! FGS, going for a walk! Just bloody say no, I’m working.

I can’t imagine being this passive. Just ignore her and her younger child. If child tries to engage you shoo them away / ask her to grab her child. And say no to her offer. I suspect you’re being way too nice leading her to believe you want this. I also suspect you’re correct re your suspicions of her long term game. Again just no, we can’t help, sorry. No lies or justification. You really don’t owe this woman anything. It’s not rude.

If you're not actually watching the dancing, be busy. Go to the car to 'make a call', carry on doing your business socials and don't entertain her little one. Sit in a way that makes it hard for him to climb on you. Don't let her take your daughter and say that your daughter likes you to take her. Just maintain a distance and she'll get the message.

I just can't understand why you let her sit there whilst you deal with her other child for an hour. Learn to speak up.

Yeah, this

I feel sorry for her as she's probably having a hard time making friends. But that shouldn't be to your detriment.

Polite distance i think x

Yeah if you are feeling too awkward about setting boundaries you just need to have a list of things to say in your head and rotate through them. Personally I’m always up for some carpooling but I have two children with very irritatingly timed hobbies so it needs a collective effort! But if you aren’t up for it (and remember this wee girl might be quite different away from her parents, many children are and she’s still really young) then just avoid her altogether. Sit somewhere slightly further out with a laptop. Bring a book. Be on the phone or texting furiously. Walk away if the tiny one starts bothering you. There might be years and years of this ahead so best to be firm now!

She has started asking to take my little girl for me as a favour.

I agree that the OP should say no, but CF? Really?

The mother is a cf and needs telling no.

When you say a nursery age child demanded that her mum take her to dancing, how do you know that?

TBH, if she did, she’s got more ability to get stuff done than you! You just say, no, I don’t want you to take my daughter. No I’m not more able to keep your son chilled. Why are you even doing that?

Also at 14 my child still needs a lot of input for comps. It’s fast paced& busy AF most the time.

As a fellow “dance mum” to a teen who’s been in the circuit for years I wouldn’t expect anyone to take my child to comps. And I wouldn’t take others until they are mid teens and do not need parental input for anything - numbers, hair, costume changes, timings of categories, snack/loo breaks in time etc. it’s hardwork at comps & it’s the parents responsibility.

At dance class put headphones on state your online working & distance yourself.

Christ woman, boundaries. Just say no. If she tries to talk to you or get her child to use you as a climbing frame, say sorry I’m working right now (which you said you are). If you don’t physically need to be there, go sit in the car or something if you really can’t speak up. Say no thanks, I like to bring her myself because it gives me a quiet hour to get some work done. And repeat.

All of these suggestions to avoid this and avoid that (go sit in your car?!) when really you just need to tell her the truth. You owe her anything she knows where she stands then.

The lady may be annoying, but a nursery age child is still very young and regulating their behaviours. So to say she’s not a very nice little girl is harsh

Do not take her child and never allow her become involved in your arrangements.
Start doing work or calls.
Avoid her as much as possible.

She will eventually be driven to ask you directly so you need to say no that getting involved with her childcare does not suit you.

Stop being nice, she will use that.

The alternative is that she will use you and plague.
Unfortunately for this type they really don't care, they are single minded in their quest to suit themselves.

You keep saying "Thanks, but I really like bringing DD myself" every time she offers. If and when she asks you to take her DD on the weekend, you cross that bridge when you come to it. "Sorry, we will be going to grandma's/Lanzorotte/to boil our socks straight after on Saturdays so I won't be able to" would do it.

Yes. No one is forcing you to entertain the younger child, just as you weren’t tortured into revealing whatever it was you’re sorry you told the mother. It’s perfectly possible to be civil and not e gage any further than you want.

She sounds rude asking such personal questions but if you keep answering them she won't know you're not comfortable with it.

Obviously if it doesn't work for you keep saying no but sometimes these arrangements can be very useful so it's not rude for her to suggest it.

Definitely say you need to work and sho away her little one, that's not your responsibility.

when she offers just say “thanks but I actually really value this time me and DD have to ourselves”.

Can you take an iPad or laptop with you so it’s crystal clear you’re working?
also agree with the “no, we are going to get fish n chips after… it’s our only time alone all week. Thanks for offering though, very thoughtful of you. How are you planning to manage dance competitions as you work the weekends? Me and DH are going to have to alternate but then it’s straight to the inlaws after for our weekly visit”

it ends up the hour is spent with me entertaining him
It's your choice, I wouldn't. If you ignore him, his mum will have to deal with him, and if she doesn't, it's not your problem anyway.

She has started asking to take my little girl for me as a favour
She's not actually doing anything wrong here, is she? Just say no thank you. No need to feel unpleasant, or awkward, smile and "thank you but no", that's more than enough.

If she is trying to arrange swaps for giving lifts, she's not being a CF. But again, juste say no.

You are definitively not BU to want to stay as you are and not be involved with hers at the weekend
but you are BU to make a big deal about it.

You have years of Primary School Gates politics ahead, just learn to say no pleasantly and not give it a thought.

I think you will benefit from being proactive. Things like -

Avoiding eye contact.
Keep a side eye out for her approach, then gather your bag and go to the ladies.
Sit outside if she gets hold of you, say that you have a call to make and then leave and wait elsewhere.
Be super busy on your phone, head down, no eye contact, watch your daughter etc.
Less and later in response to things.

Anything you can think of. I have the same problem where I socialise at times. I don't always want to be close to people who want to be close to me. I had to learn skills to deflect and scape.