Nursery mum getting involved in everything

Ok this will sound harsh but you are an adult. This other mum is an annoying nosey know it all. Just tell her "hey I actually enjoy my time with my child and don't need assistance to get her to class. I would also appreciate your other child not climbing on me as I'm actually working whilst I wait...thanks though"

Yes and no.

First, my kids are 9, 5, and 1. Kids that are in that 3-5 age range are generally nuts. They're arguing one minute, best friends the next. My 9-year-old used to come home at that age saying that this friend did that, that friend did this, never talking to them again, then they were best buddies the next morning, and that's what happens now with my 5-year-old. You shouldn't hold a grudge against a child that age for hurting your daughter's feelings, it will only make you look like a nut job and isolate your daughter as she gets older because parents won't want their kids around you.

Second, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to carpool, but in an emergency you might very well find yourself alone. I've had to go to the hospital half a dozen times for life and death medical emergencies over the past year and a half and without that village of parents, my kids would have ended up in foster care temporarily while I fought for my life.

You are right, she's annoying, not your type of person and totally fine not to take her daughter. However, honestly, nursery is such a short period, they're so young, they'll change hobbies constantly because most 7 yr olds don't enjoy what they enjoyed at 3 or 4, and once they're all at different schools you'll literally never remember her name or think about her again so why are you so scared of setting firm boundaries, dont worry about offending her or being rude, it wont matter long term. Just politely say no thanks no reason needed and avoid her son by reading a book, playing on your phone or taking a laptop and saying you've work to do. Or hide in the car park. It's fine to be civil and almost totally ignore her and within 2 years you'll never see or think about her again, you will encounter similar issues at primary school and you'll need to practice being OK saying no!

i never thought id have to say no to the same question every week and run out of excuses why!

Do not give excuses! Own your actions and your wants/desires more. Be happy in who you are and don't pretend to be someone else, someone who would do what they are asking but... You are someone who does not want to do what they are asking so just say "No, I don't really want to do that. But thank you."/"No. I like the current set up. But thank you."/"No, that doesn't work for us. But thank you."

Have you tried just not replying to her messages?

So this mum just seems like she’s trying to make a friend. I understand the hour is your time so tell her that.

I had this before. Our kids were in the same class (I knew them) she said to me sometimes ‘I’m not being rude but I have some work to do or I am on a teams call etc’ ok….perfect cos I get some time catching up too 😂

Just be honest and up front.

I am not sure you were very clear, suggesting you might comply some time in the future. Why do that?

My dc are grown but I did find at dance and sports and even during school lunch when I visited there was always a clinger who despite having their parent right there or other classmates right there clung to me to the point I couldn’t focus on my child. Is she ignoring her child? Is he a child who talks non stop? He’s seeking attention from you becuse you have been nice to him. This will be hard but definetly extricate yourself physically from him and send him back to his mum. I don’t like other children touching me or hanging on me unless I explicitly reach for them. Lots of good advice re; the lifts and I think your gut and brain are correct she may be attempting to create favors that need returned. And 12 yrs of dance there is no way I’m helping with anyone’s hair costume changes or makeup and I was quite good at it but one dc was enough

Be firm. Dump her small child back on her and say you are watching your daughter.
Shut her down before she can even speak to you. Be rude if you have to (as in, no smile, no eye contact)

That’s what I was going to suggest too. It kills two birds with one stone:
“ Thank you for the offer but in fact I find this a useful time to answer emails that require attention. It’s good to be somewhere with no distractions so I can focus on getting it done.”

Thus: no I’m not storing up favours with you AND please keep your Dc from distracting me.

I mean, your instinct is probably right re the lifts but I often offer to take or collect other people's children without expecting anything in return.

Time to do a Phoebe.

Headphones in while you’re working? Laptop on your lap, so the baby can’t approach you?

Just FYI, I’ve heard the same phrase referring to a difficult bowel motion, so probably best not to steal it 😂

OP, I think you need to cool things down gradually. It’s very possible that this woman saw you answering all her questions as the two of you building a friendship. She might not have realised you don’t want her in your face like this. So, block her questions politely; take a book or whatever to the dance class and tell her you want/need to read or work. I’d spend 5 minutes being polite to her, then say you need to do X. That’s a gentler way to signal you’re not interested.

Focus your energy on your own child and her dance lessons. Take a book or magazine to the class and engross yourself in that rather than engaging in conversation and being a playmate for the other woman’s child. She obviously has a hidden agenda and I guess she is banking on you stepping in and taking her child to weekend competitions which may ultimately morph into yet further favours.

Omg so you actually gave her the info?!

Why are you “having” to watch the younger child as well?

You really need better boundaries.

You need to firm up. You shouldn't have to go for a walk when you want to be there to watch your child. Engage less with the younger child and if it's not working say "go ask your mummy" very pointedly when he's asking you questions or trying to engage you. Get on your phone more and be busy.

If she asks again about giving your child a lift just say "no thank you, I like bringing her". If she asks you again, say "no, I told you..." and sound/look confused about why she's asking again.

If she ever asks you to take her child just say "no, I don't feel comfortable taking responsibility for other people's children" before she's even finished asking the question.

You sound so much like me! I completely understand what you're saying about lifts etc. and me and my partner always get stuck entertaining other people's kids aswell. I really urge you to put a stop to it the best you can now otherwise you will be really annoyed with yourself. Definitely do not enter into any kind of lift arrangement and just try and distance yourself for as long as it takes for her to get the message. Good luck!

I'm stealing awkward turtle

I have come across this type before.... They don't take no for an answer.. and offering a favour is often the way they con you into doing a favour that becomes one , two, three.... if you can take their child to something one week, then you can take them every week.

Your gut is telling you it's uncomfortable.. the intrusive questioning... that's usually when they press on through polite attempts to divert them until you run out of evasive answers and end up saying something that they then question again and so it goes...

As the others have said... steer clear as much as possible.
It may seem blunt to the point of rudeness to say "No I'd rather not." and they will press you for reasons why and then try to solve or belittle the reason so that you have no excuse not to..
The only way to cut it off when you get to the why not? stage is
Because I just don't want to.

It feels terribly rude, but its only at that stage when they see you won't cave that they give up... And they will be offended.. But that's better than being constantly badgered.

You've already sussed that she works weekends when the competitions are on.. that's a big clue... but you seem to have her measure.

I would just keep saying that you don't need her to take your child to the class/you like taking her etc. It's a bit of a leap to assume she's only offering because she wants you to take her daughter to competitions in the future. Just wait and see if she asks you directly. Don't overthink it.

I also think saying she's not a very nice girl is unfair, she's nursery aged so she's still learning and developing.

"hi annoying mum, I am going to sit down here on my own as I need to catch up with business socials." Earphones in and off you go.

This is what I don't miss about having school age children.
Luckily I know that she will find another victim soon , they always do.
Just wait until she gets bored , she will.

Your idea of walking off with your phone is perfect. Exactly right - You have other things to do and no time to be brow-beaten by this woman or having to babysit her son.

I recall when I was in training I was very lucky and my parents gave me the deposit for a flat. It irked my bosses no end anx I would get very intrusive questions: was I renting? Did I own? Did I share? I would answer each question differently but with sincerity: “my cousin died and left it to me” “My father bet big on a horse in the Grand National” etc. Eventually they gossiped, compared notes, and shut up. No more questions!