To not expect to be derided for startling easily

I think it's ok to be startled, I'm a bit jumpy like that myself if I don't hear someone coming in which can't be helped, but it's rude to actually scream, so I can see the son's point if he only came into the house normally, he must have felt a bit unwelcome.

Why you feel bad for the son is a mystery to me! But you do you and I'll do me.

We will have to agree to disagree. I feel bad for OP''s son, this is probably the last straw for him. I explained in the post you quoted about the difference between people who start involuntarily and don't make a drama out of it, and those who milk it for all it's worth. Something tells me that OP is in category 2.

Well you obviously don't understand that for people such as myself being startled isn't actually something that can be controlled. It is an inbuilt natural reaction. Believe me, if I could do something about it I would.

I don't make a fuss , I realise it's my problem. But don't think I've ever experienced being startled by somebody and that person has failed to apologise. It's just the natural and courteous thing to do if you realise you have startled someone to say "oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you" , or words to that effect. I think a person has to be exceptionally ill mannered or unpleasant not to apologise!

I don't know how your acquaintance behaves that makes you say its " attention seeking" behaviour. It certainly isn't for me: it's a blooming nuisance and I wish I wasn't so easily startled.

And I think OP's son is the one who comes out of this badly. Unpleasant and lacking normal basic manners.

Presumably he is fed up with his mother's dramatic reaction to what is basically her own problem. There are a couple of easily startled people in my life. One is my mother, but she recognizes that it is a her problem and doesn't try to guilt others and turn on the dramatics. The other is an acquaintance who makes a huge deal of it. It is annoying, attention seeking behaviour.

Oh, and if you tell someone to “bore off” and they do, maybe don’t “@“ them in another post.

have you had your hearing tested?

You’re really just being nasty now, aren’t you? No, I’m an atheist not a scientologist. I don’t believe in silent births, but then I don’t really care how other people give birth.

What I do care about is behaviour - which can be modified (as the idea of exercising some self control is so offensive to you, apparently) - that negatively impacts not only those around you, but the person behaving that way too. So many people on this thread saying how the drama (not the “reaction”; the reaction part you can’t control) accompanying the physical startle reflex is irritating, results in fall outs etc.

I have a quick temper, always have. Doesn’t make it ok for me to go around screaming at people - so as much as I can I control my natural inclination. Is there any reason why you, and others who are naturally inclined to scream and cry when startled shouldn’t try to do the same? Because whether you like it or not, the screaming and crying is every bit as damaging as fits of temper.

I get startled easily and I've been like this all my life.
At times I've genuinely thought I was going to have a heart attack because my physical reaction can be really severe.

I don't understand your DS 's nasty reaction. Both of you know he had no intention of deliberately scaring you but it's the easiest thing in the world just to say something along the lines of Sorry Mum, I didn't mean to scare you.
The fact he won't would worry me because it displays such a lack of empathy and caring .
It actually comes over that he has a level of contempt and lack of respect for you.

Why should he apologise for walking in? I don’t even think his response was rude. What’s he going to apologise for ‘I’m sorry I exist’?

Ah this is a very interesting subject to me! I've almost started a thread about it a few times!

So it's bizarre but you'd be amazed at the frequency in which I seem to startle people in public!
I walk into a public toilet, a woman screamed.
I stood behind someone at a cash machine in a queue, when the person at the front turned around they screamed. I walk into a room at work someone screamed 🤣
I've got a gothic ish look and I'm very quiet on my feet but come on...

I can say that it can be a little annoying and insulting for the person you scream at.
It's an extreme reaction surely? They are only walking into a room....in a world with 7 billion people you are never far away from someone else.

I don't think either of you are unreasonable in this scenario.
Your son should know you by now, he shouldn't have a go at you but he's done nothing wrong by walking into the house he lives in.

Do you have any tips for how I can not startle people?!

I am now wondering if @HornungTheHelpful also believes in silent births? Possibly might be a scientologist? I mean, we should all just 'control ourselves', surely??!
No emotions, no spontaneous, knee-jerk reactions, just......nothing.
Silence, and absolute composure.....🤐

But what if she really, really feels it....?

Please don't visit Rome...

Sorry, but I'm with your son. You need to control yourself, people who 'startle easily' are highly annoying and he's probably at the end of his rope with it.

Oh do bore off!

@PorgyandBess @MagpiePi it's funny I don't ever remember seeing the sketch and I saw someone posted the YouTube link upthread. I must have seen it years ago and filed it away. I genuinely thought it was my own original thought yesterday 😅

Catherine Tate!

It has already been done - The Fast Show, maybe?

If I was a young adult and it was my mum, I’m pretty sure I’d find it either funny or annoying.

My husband startles easily (he doesn’t scream but definitely yelps 😆) and frightening him is our sons’ favourite thing to do. Luckily, everyone thinks it’s funny.

What?! @HornungTheHelpful is being likened to a serial killer for not pandering to drama llamas?! There's overthinking then there's THAT!! 😱

also it definitely is not me seeking attention. I hate it and I hate that it makes me seem neurotic. I just scream and jump out my skin when something unexpected happens.

my friend twisted her ankle walking next to me and I screamed. It makes me seem demented. I am not!

I startle easily. My ex used to hate it. Twice in the theatre I can recall screaming when a character burst on the stage. Mortifying.

but you’ve got to laugh, right? After. Not mid- theatre.

There is a startle reflex, I recall an article more than a decade ago.

It made sobering reading - physicians observed that those worse affected have been known to die in some cases when woken suddenly by something as simple as an alarm clock and it’s sudden startle impact on heart rhythm….

I have the reflex, as do my family. I wish I didn’t.

It really isn't, you know.

People who make a fuss when someone makes them jump are irritating. They are irritating because it is making something commonplace and unimportant into a whole drama.

I wouldn't still be going on about it if various posters weren't simply refusing to accept that this is not something that they are totally unable to control or work on. Because it patently is - as many others have pointed out too.

I don't know why you consider me expressing my opinion to be smug, nor why that opinion or the way I express it means that I should be condemned to lonely old-age. However, should I find in my twilight years that I am alone and forsaken by my children, I am sure that I will remember that you predicted it. Do you want to swap phone numbers so that I can call you and let you know you were right? 🙄