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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH told me not to make plans so I didn’t then he did and wondered why I was annoyed

162 replies

VMB12 · 19/05/2025 10:13

DH and I have had a busy weekend, he explicitly said that he wanted Sunday free then announced that our friends were “passing” so would be “popping” in at 4pm, I wasn’t too happy but thought they’d be gone by 6pm and we could then settle down and chill watching TV for the evening. He then says “oh they say it’ll be 5pm” which got my back up a little and we exchanged words, then suddenly it was going to be 5.30pm and I confess I lost my temper a little, we argued and in the end he messaged them telling them not to come round and then proceeded to tell me what an awful person I am for not wanting to see our “friends”.
I disagree, I took it on the chin when they were coming at 4pm, I even accepted 5pm even though I thought it was rude to be a hour late but 5.30pm was the straw that broke the camels back. HE was the one who said he wanted the day kept free, HE said they could come without consulting me and HE then put them off coming. I apologised for losing my temper and he refused to accept it and is now giving me the silent treatment. So AIBU?

OP posts:
Sauvin · 19/05/2025 10:38

Well, I like my friends so I’m generally happy to see them. Plenty of other evenings to sit in front of the tv and chill. Which sounds boring.

Easipeelerie · 19/05/2025 10:37

I think he told you to keep the day free so that you’d be there to host when his friends came over.

Bourbonversuscustardcream · 19/05/2025 10:37

The silent treatment a day later is unreasonable regardless of the argument.

I think he should have checked with you rather than announced they were coming. Once they were coming though I can see how it’s awkward for him with you not wanting them and annoyed they’re late and I imagine he felt rude telling them not to come.

He’s unreasonable, they sound like a pain in the backside, you could probably have directed your annoyance more at them than him. Assuming this is normally a good relationship I’d just let it blow over.

Original poster
VMB12 · 19/05/2025 10:37

I did but I accepted that he wanted them too so I didn’t make too much of a fuss, I like them and would have been happy to see them but they have a habit of staying later then intended and honestly I was tired and would rather they didn’t come on this occasion

OP posts:
MereNoelle · 19/05/2025 10:37

If your day was free, I don’t see why it made a huge difference whether they’d be there at 4 or at 5.30?

EilishMcCandlish · 19/05/2025 10:36

You had all day free up until then? All day to chill as a couple.
Having friends over for a bit should be part of a chilled weekend unless you think they need hosting. In which case, stop making a rod for your own back. Sounds like it was a casual and hoc arrangement and you made a song and dance.

sweetpickle2 · 19/05/2025 10:36

I wouldn't consider friends who are passing popping in to be 'plans' as such, especially if the rest of the day had been free. Feels quite casual to me.

However if you do consider it plans and you didn't want to do it, you should have just told him that from the off.

Shuttered · 19/05/2025 10:34

I think you sound insanely fussy and irritable. Having friends drop over at 4 or 5.30 surely doesn’t make much difference in a day that has otherwise been kept entirely free?

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 19/05/2025 10:33

Did you tell him you didn't want them coming when he first told you about it?

Original poster
VMB12 · 19/05/2025 10:32

As I said we’d been really busy, and honestly I was tired and they’re the sort of friends who sometimes outstay their welcome, normally not a problem, I like them very much but they make a habit of doing this, they once turned up two hours late to a bbq when we were waiting to eat. Also tbh I don’t call an hour and a half “slightly” later, anything imo over a half hour is very late

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 19/05/2025 10:22

Not remotely unreasonable to be irritated so I'd leave him to stew.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 19/05/2025 10:21

What was the issue with them coming slightly later?

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