DH told me not to make plans so I didn’t then he did and wondered why I was annoyed

I actually offered to drive both DH and his friend to the pub and collect them after so he didn’t miss out but that wasn’t good enough either

YANBU

Reads like you tried to be accommodating despite your DH choosing not to be clear about what the plans exactly were. He could have been clearer since they were the plans he made without your input and told you afterwards.

I think he wasn’t going to accept anything but things being his way and there was nothing stopping him from staying with his friend where he was.

It's his house too. I can't imagine my husband telling me I am not allowed to have friends popping in one evening! He wouldn't be so controlling anyway.

I can’t imagine not discussing it in the first place, doing it anyway and THEN telling spouse.

Id be annoyed that he made plans without checking with me first. But, once you agreed to their visit, you cant be annoyed at your DH for their tardiness. Sorry but YABU for blaming him for the times keep changing. As a one off id have just accepted it and moved on, not keep throwing a tantrum. Surely you could've still sat chilling watching tv, whilst waiting for them to arrive. And even when they arrive was there really that much you had to do?

A lot of MN is made up of non events and non issues.

Giving your spouse the silent treatment is an issue in my book.

That's a lot of non-events to start a thread on it!

I think some people might be missing the point a bit. Why is any of this a big deal?

In a normal, healthy relationship one partner can go ‘actually, if they’re going to be coming at half 5, I don’t really fancy it, my social battery is a bit low and I just want to relax tonight’ (or words to that effect) and it’s just…not a big deal.

OP, do you find that small disagreements often become much bigger issues than they ought to be in your relationship? Or is this unusual?

We have friends that we have ‘pop in’ arrangements with, but it only works if you and your friends are considerate and willing to set your boundaries: ‘I’m going out at 3’ or ‘I’m knackered so I’m going to flop in front of the telly soon’. If you can’t do this then ‘popping in’ is not for you.

Exactly what I was thinking. Most of the time they're hiding behind the sofa refusing to answer the door

I would just say you don’t always have to socialise together. Your DH could have said to his friends that you’re tired and will be reading in bed (or whatever) but they’re welcome to pop round to hang out with him. Does he need you to hold his hand? Of course given that you agreed to keep the day free it would be reasonable to ask you first.

Ahhh, selfish/inconsiderate/uncommunicative men. The backbone of MN… (nods sagely)

Some bizarre responses here.

Firstly, the OP finds watching TV relaxing. It's not a crime, just different to some people here who have clutched their pearls at the thought of doing that instead of hosting friends at a massively shifting time and for an uncertain duration.

Yes, walking a dog might be relaxing but it can also be a chore if you're tired and not up for it. It used up the last bit of energy the OP had.

The only ' BU' here is the DH inviting friends over without checking if you were up for it. That's basic manners and being a partner.

I know "choosing TV" and reconsidering friendship, very self-important. I love how dramatic people are on MN.

It was Sunday evening, last min, as a pp said get in the actual bin with that 😂

Well you should only 'pop in' if you live nearby and then you accept that you may have to leave because the person is busy. If you have to travel, obviously make firmer plans.

I think wanting a day free can sometimes mean - making no effort.

So no effort = if a friend calls and wants to pop by, that's minimal effort.

So not unconceivable how that could be a change of mind.

However if you are the person who makes the effort I.e. providing drinks and snacks then that's unappreciative and out of order.

If they have a habit of staying later than intended, then surely 5.30pm us better, then you had an extra 1.5hrs before they arrived. If its a Sunday would you not agree a 'they need to leave by x pm' time?

I can see why it's annoying if you are sat waiting but why would you not say they need to be gone by 8pm when he first said they were going to be late?

'Choosing television over friends'; how melodramatic. The OP wanted an early drop-in and then the friends away by early evening so they could have a quiet one at home. That's all.
And do you not understand it's possible to feel tired and just want to flop, in a way that's different from feeing tired and ready for bed? I often need an hour in front of the telly in the evenings to unwind and switch my brain out of work mode. But this is 7.30–9pm sort of time, so not bedtime.

I would have been annoyed too, especially by the 'just passing' porkie, but don't want to vote that you're right and he's wrong because this is once incident, and these marital scraps are usually part of a bigger pattern. You need to talk to each in a calmer moment about what matters to each of you and look for ways to compromise before getting into a row. Personally I think that friends shouldn't be invited to spend a big chunk of time in your home without both agreeing to it. Popping in for a cup of 4pm is OK to arrange unilaterally, but as soon as they started to delay the start time, you needed to be asked properly if it was convenient and an alternative agreed - like going to the pub. But I wonder if there is irritation between you about other things, for it to escalate so much.

Yes it was an evening deliberately sabotaged.

Because the OP wanted a quiet evening (so sabotaged by having friends around, having to feed and entertainment them etc…)

Because her DP never asked her if she was ok. He organised it and then told her that’s what was happening. He didn’t even give her the whole picture (staying over furvtye evening) but a sanitised version (a couple of hours at 4.00pm) so she was less likely to kick up a fuss.
So yes deliberately misleading her.

So overall, I’d call that deliberately sabotaging the evening. There was no accident there.

but the DH was sabotaging her relaxing evening.

Glad my DH wouldn't do that because it drives me bonkers if i'm all geared up for a nice relaxing Sunday evening doing absolutely nothing and BAM! visitors. Who keep pushing back the arrival time.

I'd be ok on a Saturday, or a Friday, but any other day of the week? get away with that.

Fair enough. But to be so angry about it seems a bit OTT. It wasn't like anyone was deliberately trying to sabotage your night.

I disagree @thetrumanshow

The OP tried to be flexible and kind. Is that an offence on MN nowadays? She said Yes FOR HIM. She offered to drive them to the pub. She offered flexibility and kindness to someone who decided WITHOUT HER that friends would be coming for the whole evening.
The fa t her DP rejected all flexibility, like the pub, shows it was never about her saying Yes or No. Itvwas about her just accepting his decision Regardkess. He’d have kicked off just as much if she has No the first time round, because HE HAD ALREADY ORGANISED IT ALL. And didn’t want that to change.
Result: Drama

Then add his response to the whole thing: silent treatment and rejecting the apology. This guy simply doesn’t like to not get his iwn way agd us now punishing the OP. Not the answer of someone who isn’t going to create a fuss over a NO.

If you think someone who is happy to manipulate their DP the way this guy did will accept someone saying NO to them wo drama, you’re just naive.

No that's why I said he should have asked her first and she should've said no. But as I said, it wouldn't bother me.

But OP didn’t tell him he wasn’t allowed to have friends popping in. He was the one who wanted the day kept free. He was the one who invited the friends without telling OP, and she was OK with it - a done deal, they were popping in for a visit as they were passing anyway. But that wasn’t the case was it ? They actually went home first and changed, coming much later in the evening. That would suggest they were expecting to be fed too. I’d be furious if my partner dropped that on me and lied to string me along into agreeing.

I'm assuming that by keeping the day free the intention was to veg out and relax after being particularly busy recently.

But i would have nipped the friends in the bud as soon as it was first mentioned - expressly saying "nope, i am doing nothing and seeing nobody today"