DH told me not to make plans so I didn’t then he did and wondered why I was annoyed

I'd have been in my PJs doing the ironing, then catching up on The Handmaids Tale.

No way would I have "hosted" - he invited them, let him put his pinny on and serve them.

MN is full of people who will, allegedly, happily welcome unexpected guests at all hours of the day/night, particularly if they're faaaaaaaamily, and are allegedly cool about the extra hosting this brings. Quite how this works out in real life, may be a little different me thinks ......

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. There’s a huge difference between 4pm and 5.30pm and we all know that ‘popping in’ is never just that plus you’d have to play host. But what would annoy me more is if my husband didn’t warn me in advance!
You’ve apologised for losing your temper so leave it as that.

Some bonkers replies on here like the ones focusing on the tv angle- would reading, knitting or hobby been more acceptable ?

I think that you’re both wrong.

Your h is wrong to impose plans on you. He’s wrong for sulking and minimising the trip- pop by vs hanging out. Does he think you’re stupid and wouldn’t work out that the plan was to hang out in the first place ? I’m not sure how late they normally stay but assuming that you have work today then I can see why you’d prefer that they went to the pub while you got your wish of chilling.

You are wrong to not make a fuss. He does this because he keeps on getting away with it. These friends have a history of staying for hours so you should have been clear about your expectations that they are gone by 6pm or whatever. What was he doing while you were doing stuff like walking the dogs? He should be doing most of the work so that you have a good night even though you’re not in the mood. It’s not fair to initially say yes then later say no. You should have just said no in the first place or told your h to tell them that if they can’t come by 5 then for him to meet them elsewhere. These people have a history of being late and deep down you probably knew that it would be later than they said

Its the dinner assumption that comes with a 5.30pm visit that would annoy me.

do you have young children? Sorry if it’s mentioned and I missed it up thread.

id totally get why you’d not want guests at that time in that case… if you are child free or have older children surely you’ve had all day to chill and watch tv?

This wouldn’t preference but I’d suck it up as a one off

It would really irritate me to have to ask if I could have friends round in my own home as an adult. I think there is probably a reason he tried to underplay what he was planning.

I think you are not very compatible on this and you need to work out a way to compromise.

It's his house too. I can't imagine my husband telling me I am not allowed to have friends popping in one evening! He wouldn't be so controlling anyway.

nah. If my DH wants people over, no issue. If he wants them over when he knows i have planned to veg out in front of the TV? he can get to fuck. I would do as OP did and offer to drive/pick up from elsewhere. And because my DH isn't an arse, he would probably have agreed.

I think perhaps you are like me in that you need to know you have a bit of down time, and to suddenly have someone ‘popping in’ will irritate you.
Perhaps you find it difficult when plans change last minute like this. Other people don’t mind at all. Neither or right or wrong.
You maybe need to try communicating this to your DH, as he may not appreciate this. If you set it as a general rule that you need some notice, and you need to have the option of saying no if it does your head in, and then you won’t get irritated and can reduce conflict.

Ive spent years pretending that im ok with this sort of thing, but im really not. I need a bit of notice, and if ive had a busy few days with no down time, then i might say no. Otherwise I feel suffocated and pushed into situations I find stressful, and I’m too old for that crap now.

Agree.

The amount of posters dwelling on if they themselves would be happy with friends over on a Sunday evening is missing the point.

It wasn't a 'done deal' though was it, because they didn't come in the end after he called them back and told them not to, after an afternoon's worth of arguing.

You should have made it clear in the first place that you weren't having them there.

You both need to communicate better.

I would have let the. come round and gone to bed as and when I planned to...

Sounds to me partner new it was going to be an evening thing, and said pop in to get you to agree, knowing once people where there you'd go with it.

He knew you'd not want a full social thing Sunday evening, who does?

And now is sulking because you didn't just blindly comply.

Not ok!

I also think, the fact you offered to change venue and do the running around and he refused is telling! He wanted a house gathering and wanted to force you in to it.

Sorry OP. He's the unreasonable one.

I think it's into Sundays going forward unless it's a brunch, lunch, thing x

Do you think when he told you to keep the day free he already knew they were coming but wanted to spring it on you last minute, thinking you'd not feel able to say you're not up for it?

Absolutely.

And the house doesn't have to be cleaned in advance or food & drink prepared - just open the wine and get a takeaway ordered.

since when does "feminist" mean women can't do any wrong? We don't have the same definition.

But then if you think MN is a "feminist" website 😂

You are the one miffed about the whole thing, I am only here for the distraction 😂

"Crack of twat" is an absolute belter 😂😂😂😂

I really hope I remember that so I can repeat it when appropriate 🙏

Edited - oooh just remembered I'm up very early on Friday to go to a meeting with a colleague. Perfect opportunity.

I’m finding mumsnet so hard to read lately. Whatever op complains about people just come out claws out attacking her as if she’s the world’s biggest villain. So many of the posters who get attacked raise reasonable human dilemmas even if they are in the wrong and don’t need to be told “I feel sorry for your husband” or other such things on a feminist site ffs.

Yeah quite, and their coming at 5.30pm means they might expect dinner to be laid on. 4pm is totally different. Fuck that.

I like my friends but when I'm tired and they have a habit of hanging around until the crack of twat is rather not.

So he's a liar who misled you about the visit.
He doesn't respect you enough to double check if it suits you.
He then name calls you because you challenge this.

I would be very pissed off but you sould bullied by him.

I don't want to see anyone after 4pm on a sunday, certainly not for the evening.

He's selfish and a liar to boot about them coming.

You need to have a look at how he treats you.