DH told me not to make plans so I didn’t then he did and wondered why I was annoyed

Op great on you for having boundaries! I call this moving the goalposts. Having quiet day at home changes into friends popping by 4 pm changes to 530. Jesus I would expect a pop by guest to be gone by 530 not arriving. And the friends are rude too to keep changing the time unless DH the worlds most laidback host and bestest friend ever is leading them on with….come anytime OP and I will be here all day. There are some really harsh comments on here and this seems to be happening on every single thread I read. Pop over to the “ bank worker” thread and witness the beat down she got. I had a similar conversation with my DH on Sunday about hosting next sunday I said no and it wasn’t met with mutually shared respect and appreciation but rather a “ I may host anyways” response. Well my very DDH can’t host shit by himself. He has never hosted by himself and he isn’t doing it next week either. And I as a MN I don’t buy UPFs so I want to know what nibbles and drinks people have on standby and I’m surely not paying for a take away. You were reasonable to say no and maybe DH and his friends need a good think about making plans without asking and then changing the time x 3 as if op hasn’t a care in the world and is always available and willing to be uber flexible

God I totally agree, it's utterly tiresome isn't it?
I find that the more considerate, thoughtful and sensible answers start to come through on the second page. But you very often have to wade through a load of spiteful nonsense first

Ah who cares, you got what you wanted so be happy for that and I suggest you enjoy the days ahead. If the alternative happened and they came at 6pm and stayed until midnight, you have the right to be fuming.
in this case, just forget about it :)

are you just picking up a random sentence and ignoring the rest of the paragraph/ thread to reply,

Or are you on wind-up? I honestly can't figure it out.

Sounds like you've done household jobs like walking the dogs and he hasn't. Was he going to get stuff ready to welcome them or was that your job too? Doesn't have to be a full deep clean and home cooked meal but it sounds like some work was expected

Yes, most normal people are happy to have friends popping by when they happen to be at home doing nothing.

@thetrumanshow are you sure about that? Don't most normal people prefer that visitors phone first?

Some people don’t enjoy hosting and it’s completely ok if you’re one of those people. Having them go home first and then plan to come back all evening when you’ve been planning to just relax and presumably weren’t expecting or ready for guests would stress me out too. Does your husband actually do any of the hosting or expect you to do it all? Easy for him to be chill if he doesn’t do much.

Why on earth have you bothered to put a post on here asking for people’s opinions and then argue with every single one that doesn’t agree with you? If you believe you are in the right, which you obviously do, then why post??? So you can prove to DH you are right? That more people agree with you? Remove guilt for telling friends they aren’t welcome? Ridiculous and both sound rather childish.

Be ok with them ‘popping in’ and do nothing. No putting the kettle on, no snacks etc. look after yourself and as the evening drags on suggest they order a takeaway and only pay for your dishes, let your other half deal with it. Good luck, I’d be fuming! 😡

If anything, the OP was more in this position to start with than her husband was, since she was told that she didn't have permission to make any plans.
In practice it would be very difficult to live with someone who didn't think you had a right to have input when inviting someone into the home you share.
Would you really be OK with sitting in your living room having planned a quiet evening in your pyjamas (or other leisurewear of choice that you perhaps don't leave the house in) and your spouse suddenly walking in with two friends to stay all evening since he doesn't have to ask your permission or inform you?

If you arrange to visit someone in advance, you realise you are not an "unexpected" guest, don't you? Turning up unannounced is very rude, but this is not the case here is it.

Yes, most normal people are happy to have friends popping by when they happen to be at home doing nothing.

How much hosting does serving a few drink and a few nibbles is actually involved? Don't you eat yourself anyway?

Friends come to pick up their kids and end up staying for diner, it's quite a common scenario too.

With you OP. YANBU. When DH has stopped sulking you need to come to an agreement that going forward he needs to check with you before committing you to visits from others.

The day is completely different to the evening, can DH not tell the difference.
I’d return silent treatment for the rest of the week… 😊

I'd def be happy with friends popping round - the only thing I'd be concerned with is will they want food? But then you can get a takeaway or do some easy pasta, so yes you are BU.

Isn't your DH such a lucky man 😂

At least you are consistent, clearly still sulking about a non-event the following day!

I wouldn't be able to chill out all day, knowing I had an unwanted social occasion that evening.

I'm with you OP it would have annoyed me too. And sulking isn't acceptable behviour from a grown up, especially on top of thoughtlessness.

OP, its your Sunday too, I'm firmly in your corner. YANBU.

What an odd thing to say. I can't imagine it's an addiction to tv, but more a requirement for self care and down-time. OPs preffered way of doing that is to chill in front of the tv. How is that different to any other way of relaxing?

And tiredness is an issue, tiredness means someone does not have the capacity to 'put it on' and perform for guests (any introvert will know exactly what I mean). Does not necessarily mean they're ready to go to bed 🙄

Would you have felt differently if it was 'reading a book'? Some people watch TV to unwind. It feels a bit off to call it out.

Their lateness would be irritating.

I can see both sides here. I would hate not being able to accept a casual, can we pop round without clearing it first as I'm very sociable and understand how difficult it is for busy people to find time to fit you in. But I also hate lateness and it really does fuck up your day. But also it's difficult for your husband because he's probably annoyed by them changing times too but can't do anything about it except he now has to deal with his stress, your stress and their stress. You totally need to apologise to him and them but also find a better way of seeing these awful people. Just go to theirs next time.

It’s so bizarre!

This is the most consistently misogynistic site.

Women expecting any decent behaviour or treatment consistently attacked.

Really ugly, and getting worse unfortunately.

I wouldn’t want guests that late on a Sunday unless it was a specific reason like a birthday party etc.

I would also want them to agree a time and stick to it. Especially if they have form for being late. 2 hours late to a BBQ is ridiculous.

And I would want my partner to ask me if I was ok to have guests rather than telling me. You should be able to say “no I don’t feel like it this week, can’t you meet them in the pub?”

And the silent treatment is abusive actually.