To be absolutely fed up of toddler?

Universal credit will cover 85% of nursery fees, top up wages (can early £30k and still receive some as a single parent), give things like reduced council tax, housing benefit etc if a single parent is a low earner. Unless the husband is a high earner many aren't actually that much worse off.

I M puzzled by people who suggest divorce in the uk. Have you spoken with a divorce lawyer in this country? The dad has not duty of care for their kid, they can decide to see them a few hours a month of even zero and this is ok. Unlike many other places in the world where a father is legally obliged to spend a good amount of time with their kids in the uk is not like that. On top of it the CSM in the UK is very very low. It is a small fraction of the father earning. So the OP is a SAHM she will get a pittance in child maintenance. If she is not wealthy, has wealthy parents etc she would need to find a job to pay for rent, plus nursery plus all expenses and she will be poor, like v poor. Why would she divorce him?! Again in many countries this is not the case and if the couple has decided one parent stays home and sacrificies their career the other parent pay child and spouse maintenance and the stay at home parent can keep on staying at home if they want. The uk divorce law do not protect poor stay at home parents, she should not divorce if she is not wealthy as she will struggle double working full time, raising the kid alone and counting every penny. She can forget any holidays!

Do not give up your house no matter what. You have a huge amount of power in this situation, even if you don't feel you do, because you have your own home under your name. You also have supportive parents.

I would proceed with the separation and continue seeking emotional support etc from your parents. If you want to reconcile with your partner that's fine, but do it at a distance. This isn't a good situation for you to be living in.

He’s really not a very nice person (OH). This control will only continue to escalate as time goes by.
Your current set up, and the support offered by your parents sounds lovely, if we take OH out of the equation. You might also find that your DC’s behaviour is toddler + OH influence. If he’s shouting a lot, DC will be learning this as a way to communicate.

It sounds like you really shouldn't give up your home for this man, he sounds horrible. If it's a nice safe place for your child and close to family, I think you'd be better letting the partner go. Take care of yourself and your lovely toddler

You need to leave him, do it before you get pregnant again and you're trapped forever. You technically have your own house so you're in a fortunate position, put DC in nursery for two mornings a week so you can get some sanity and head space back. See if you can talk to a women's refuge type group to help you plan your escape from this abusive man

I think you know the answer to this is to get rid of your abusive twat if a husband

You need to kick him out, He's making your life worse and things won't get better if you move to the city.

DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR HOUSE

your parents know. They want to help you leave him. Bless them, with their help you can ditch him.

he is NOT fussed about nursery safety. If he said that he must have immediately to hand all his research to show they’re not safe. No? Thats because he doesn’t give a shit. He just doesn’t want you to get out and have a life and talk to people and find out he’s abusive.

Definitely go it alone. It seems like your OH enjoyed seeing you struggle and be dependent on him.
Glad your parents are going to help. Get whatever you can from your partner financially though. Don't let him off the hook. And definitely don't move.

With respect, why do you regret and get frustrated with your child and not your partner?

Your toddler is being a toddler. Your partner is being deliberately difficult

You need to get rid of him and get all the support you can from your parents to get on your feet.

Well done you.
Of course he's unhappy at your parents helping, it reduces his power over you! I'm so happy you have supportive parents, it will help you get through this.

@fedupmomm it sounds like he is controlling you by making sure you get no time to yourself. I understand not wanting to send a baby to nursery - but surely a childminder for a toddler would be fine. Just call his bluff. I’m pretty sure your nursery or childminder place would be free of charge nowadays. So it seems strange to not make use of it.

How would he even know if he works 24/7?

It’s important for toddlers to mix otherwise they don’t learn how to share & take their turn.

I’d leave your shit of a partner. I think you’ll be less frustrated if you aren’t also looking at a critical non team member, reminding you of all the sexism in the world. Not ha i h the help is something you can get used to, as long as the unhelpful person isn’t still around.

It can be a weird kind of exhausting caring for a toddler. My husband is at work a LOT, and sometimes we barely see him. If you’re in the house seven days a week it can get kind of suffocating, I take my son out even if just for a walk to the shops and back just for the change of scenery for both of us. We go to NCT baby group sometimes as well to see different faces which helps. I don’t drive so limits us but we manage with buses and walking (and a sturdy toddler carrier).

I’ve had days where nothing pleases him, he won’t nap and is grouchy and just sat with him in his cot while I cried. It’s okay to be overwhelmed, it’s such a transition from the newborn phase where you out them down and they’re safe and nap often and can’t get into mischief.

I would be tempted to go with the previous poster who suggested just upping and going out, so your partner can see it’s not as straightforward as just ‘happy toddler plays and smiles and happily eats dinner without fuss and is very cute’ all day every day. My husband more than helps, he cooks and does housework when he’s not working stupid long hours - but when he had our son so I could work when LO was about 11 months old, he looked so exhausted when he got back. He valued me even more after that, because he realised how full-on it can be at times!

would you want to leave your child with a man like this? I wouldn’t . It would be non-stop TV and Pringles

If possible could you get a job and out DC in nursery? My DD was like this and if I had my time again I would do this. Having had 2 more babies since. I do suspect DD was autistic.

@fedupmomm

If you have HA property in just your name I honestly think you might be better off separating. You would be eligible for some nursery hours & could get a job to top up your money.

I can’t see any benefit to having DH there. I am wondering where he goes. It seems odd he is never home.

So what would you suggest then? OP just carries on and gets lower and lower? That’s hardly fair on the child either.
Oh and how do you know he’d be incompetent? The OP says he plays with him and changes nappies. I’d hazard a guess that he’d know what to do, he just can’t be arsed right now!
How will the useless oaf ever understand what it takes to parent a child if he never has to do that and doesn’t walk in the OP’s shoes?
It would be a couple of days. I’m sure the child would be fine with their father!
He’d have to cope if she went into hospital or something.

Your partner sounds emotionally abusive OP.
No parent can look after a toddler alone 24/7 without getting fed up and needing a break. Toddlers are really hard work.
You need to chuck your partner out and get DS signed up to a nursery with his free childcare hours so you can have a break.
It’s good that your family are supportive, tell them the whole situation so they can help you to get DP to move out.

No I don’t. But I think sending a child off with someone who is barely in their life and blatantly incompetent is unfair on the child, whether or not the person is their father. The child is not a pawn in a disagreement between two parents.

ive seen this argument before with lazy
dads, and sometime I agree. But this is a step too far in this family.

‘He rings up his mates and put there partner on loud speaker and asks them if “do you find it easy looking after a baby?”
Despite their babies being under a year old they reply “yes” which makes me feel like a complete failure.’

i think you’ve said this a few times, but you’ve written it as if you think he’s got a valid point because of this. He hasn’t. What he is doing there is nasty, he’s a horrible nasty man. Trying to belittle you, to make you feel bad. And you seem so downtrodden, by him, that you’re second guessing if he’s right or not.

‘That is nasty, Steve. What a nasty thing to do to me. I’ve just told you I’m struggling, so you thought it would be helpful to detail others are y struggling? I’m very happy for them, but it makes no difference to whether I am struggling or not. I am. I need a break because your parenting is pathetic. Would you like me to phone my friend and ask her if her husband also does nothing for his child?’

he is a cunt. And has made friends with similar.