To think unless you are ugly you’ve no idea what it’s like

Pretty privilige is unfortunately a thing.

I've just googled him to have a really close look at his face. He's not ugly. I can't say I find him especially attractive either, but I don't think you could call him ugly. He's average looking at best. Just ordinary.

I love this attitude. One of my DSs has this attitude. He is not conventionally good looking, with a visible physical disability, and is very short for a man which can also lead to easy weight gain. He decided he could either spend his whole life fretting that he was so short no woman would ever love him and he'd die a virgin, or he could stop caring, wear what he liked, have real attitude, be as sexy and confident and funny and fun to be with as possible and see what happened. He has zero problem attracting women.

How do they know you are larger when you are in a car? I think by the time they see you they will already be in whatever manoeuvre you think they are doing due to your size. What I mean is I think people decide their driving manoeuvres before they see the person in the car

But what people call you reflects more on them than you. I've been called every adjective by various different people and at different times in my life, ugly, fat, beautiful, sexy, pretty, cute, ....they can't all be right or wrong. I choose not to give a shit either way

I have often thought of myself as ugly but when I reflect on it I really have no idea what it means*. I can’t recall ever meeting an ugly person myself (met plenty with ugly behaviour). And what about people with so-called deformities? Are they all ugly.

*it was a word used by others to describe me and I just took their word for it.

I think this is mixing up a number of things. Firstly, gaining a bit of weight in middle age does not mean that someone is no longer beautiful. Beautiful with a little extra weight is still better looking than plain with a little extra weight. Also, how one feels about their weight gain / fading looks has no bearing on how objectively good looking they are. A plain person who has made peace with gaining weight isn’t more attractive objectively than a beautiful person who is devastated by their weight gain.

And btw not everyone just accepts weight gain in middle age. At my pilates studio there are plenty of very slim, toned older women.

I am surprised you think he is ugly. I don’t. far from it. His actions may make him seem ugly but I always thought he was quite good looking.

The other thing about all this looks talk is that beauty standards are cultural. White European standards of beauty seem to have taken over the world.

We place far too much value in attractiveness

I think most people do it subconsciously too

In what way are they not very nice?

Sorry you are going through this OP. It's hard. Firstly I would ditch the friends. They sound awful.

As for what else you have said...
I'm ugly, I'm genuinely believe I am. I have a huge nose and I'm not talking Amy Winehouse or even Cleopatra it's more a very big witchy nose you might see in children's books.
I had nice eyes and skin when younger but now I'm 40 my skin is wrinkled and one side of my face seems to have fallen.
I have a weird hair line and huge forehead..I'm grey and have put a few pounds on.

I don't have any advice apart from why not cultivate your interests and hobbies as a distraction?
When I was young I realised I wasn't going to get anywhere on my looks.
Whether subconsciously or not I made myself a music geek and people have always known me as that girl who likes weird bands 😅
I don't have much time for that nowadays but I like running and climbing ...I have some muscley arms and my bum is ok from running. I guess I'm going for 'nice body shame about the face' 🤣

I'm in no way minimising how you feel.
But there are other ways we can be worthwhile other than looks.
You may have noticed at 40 that your better looking friends may have started to age.
It happens to everyone and we can't do anything about it, whether pretty or less so.
Do what you enjoy, get rid of negativity, come off social media if you need to and focus what makes you feel good inside.

I want to comment on the crooked nose part.

I have a long thin straight pointy nose which I hate and my friend has a slight hump on hers. Interestingly, we both got called the same name at school for our noses even though they are different. I feel like a witch with mine and yet she likes my nose!

Out of the 2 of us, she is by far the better looking. She is beautiful and that doesn't change for me when she turns to the side and see her nose shape. If anything I agree it adds to her looks and she would be so generic like all the other people who have nose jobs. It's none of my business if she decides to or not but I think there is character in nose shapes and a lot of them suit our face types even though I feel the same way about myself which is hypocrisy I know.

I don't judge others by the way I judge myself which is sad.

I don’t agree with you. It’s not appearance that makes a good impression. It’s mood and attitude. People can instinctively sense when someone is in a bad mood, as it shows on their face, and they tend to avoid negativity and gloominess. A positive tone of voice can also create a good impression.

Most importantly, people don’t spend time thinking about or judging someone who isn’t important to them. Other people’s opinions aren’t what matter. What matters is how I see themselves. To be honest I don't know who can define ugliness.

Interesting thread and comments, I’ve had a new woman start at my work who is stunningly beautiful. The reaction to her from some of the other women has been disgusting, lots of.. “She needs to get over herself” and “She’s probably really boring” None of these women had been ugly to me before but they are now, silly bullying just because they’re insecure.
I brought it up with the new woman on a lunch break yesterday and she said she’s used to it, it’s been happening to her since school and she just blocks it out now.

Oh come on. Men can fancy an attractive woman with no interest of their actual brain and personality, of course, it doesn't mean they will have any interest in building an actual relationship.

Women are just the same! How many have had a "hot boyfriend" at one point or another, while firmly believing this would go nowhere.

Also calling a man "a prawn" is a thing. It's not pleasant, but it's out there - amazing body, sorry face.

Yep, being pretty means that you can get away with being not very nice in relationships and also “crazy” as in possessive, verbally abusive, even violent because it’s all okay if you are hot.

Definitely not Mardy enough to pick fights on here anyway.

Men can still fancy an attractive woman even if she’s brainless or bitchy, because the surface interest is there. Whereas women tend to be disappointed if a good looking guy doesn’t have a personality to match.

I see this time and time again. The women I know who are not very nice people do far better with finding relationships (and staying in them) than the lovely women I know who are unfortunate looking.

I'd guessed Mardy Bum.

I thought aloof and mardy would be a winning combination.

Just me then.

No just listened to the similar sounding song and has to pick a username.

Jeez, Ive a face only a mother could love - not that she ever did, but hey ho

OP - ditch the so called "friends"

Being the ugly one used to crush me as a younger woman, always at the back of the queue , the last girl to be asked onto the dance floor and all that

Being the "ugly one" meant I had to get noticed in other ways - I became the wit - and the brains

Surrounding myself with like minded people has really helped with my confidence. My friends are supportive of me , not making bitchy comments

Im a lot older now and Ive settled into my looks, it is what it is, not all the money in the world will make me pretty but who the hell cares ? I dont and those that do arent on my radar

Ditch the so called friends and find people who like you

Apparently this is known as uglyhot.

A person who is in no way, shape or form conventionally attractive but everything they do, how they talk, how they walk and the way they move is so incredibly hot that it makes them somehow better looking. Is still centered on physicality, but is more about how they use their body/body language than their ugly faces. Coined for my former high school Chemistry teacher; are often tall, gangly and interesting men like Chris Martin from Coldplay.
Urban Dictionary.

Someone with a great body but ugly face is referred to (by incels) as a butterface.

A girl with a body off of baywatch and face off of crimewatch.
Urban Dictionary.

You ignored everyone who said you need better friends. You may be ugly, but there are ugly people with confidence, with charm, with good friends. You don't sound like you're ready for any of that.
Unfortunately there's nothing a bunch of strangers in the Internet can do to help you with that if you don't help yourself. Google "self compassion".

They did, but my god, all the boob grabbing would get them cancelled now.