To think unless you are ugly you’ve no idea what it’s like

I strongly believe that very few people are truly ugly. Most just don't know how to look nice. It's not about spending hours doing hair and makeup, a lot of it is down to how you present yourself.

It exists!

Tell me about this amazing cosmetic surgery that will alter bone structure ...

I used to get it as a teenager. I remember particularly being in a shop that was selling cheap sunglasses with about five 'friends' - everyone was trying the sunglasses on and making comments that were either admiring or constructively critical ('the brown ones suited you better" etc.). I dared to take off my normal glasses and try on a pair of sunglasses - they just fell about laughing, didn't take me seriously at all. There were other occasions with clothes and make-up but that's the one that particularly hurt.

In defence of them, we were 13/14 years old. Adult friends have never done this, though I've had plenty of abuse and derision from strangers, usually men - thankfully this tapered off as I advanced into middle age and became just another invisible woman.

My adult version of this is going to, say, a work event where everyone is dressed up and hearing the women say to each other 'You look lovely!' and variations on the theme, whereas no one says anything like that to me, because I don't. The best I've had is a compliment on my perfume.

However, I can well believe it has happened to the OP.

Barbara Streisand had a big nose but she was very sexy and beautiful in an unconventional way.

Oh how charming. I can concur. A guy I said no thank to called me a fat nosed dog 😂. I have a pronounced hooter and it suits me so not harm done. And yes T&S bullying but there's also something to be said to r playing to ones strengths and enhancing the nice bits.

Being ugly is a choice this day and age, tbh. There are so many options out there from dressing better to suit your shape/style and then there’s extremes like surgery. I’m in no way, shape or form saying you need cosmetic surgery but if you genuinely, deep down think you are ugly and you think it’s hampering your life then you should look into how to rectify that.

I’ve had friends openly laugh at the idea of me wearing a certain thing or going to a certain event

are you able to elaborate on this at all OP? Because I simply cannot get my head round friends doing this, in fact any decent people or strangers doing this.🤯

5 pages of replies and no response from the OP

This post made me sad OP. I'm sure you aren't ugly at all. Play to your strengths. No one is perfect.

Those old Trinny and Susannah style makeover shows were terribly bullying, but they did demonstrate the huge difference made by a good haircut and colour, decent make-up and well-fitting stylish clothes in the right colour palette.

But also - shame on your friends for making you feel like this. I'm not conventionally pretty - my nose is too big, my hair too curly and my tummy too wobbly! And I had nasty comments from some people over the years e.g. from a boy at school years ago, or a bloke at a party who called me a big nosed Jew when I told him I wasn't interested. But my friends and family only ever say lovely things about how I look. I think my confidence in myself probably grew with my children thinking I was pretty - ds used to love pinging my curls when he was tiny. And that really helps!

It’s grim getting perved and leered at though.

Hope no one’s done that bloody Roald Dahl
quote.

It’s massively cruel and harder for women. I’ve been on the other side of it I’ve had significant advantages being conventionally attractive and anyone that denies that is being naive.

You have every right to wear whatever you want and go/do whatever you want in life. It makes no sense for friends to laugh at you.
I have always loved swimming and stopped going as a teenager because of my acne, wish I had just gone because I had every right. But I wouldn't go anywhere without makeup sadly.

OP I think the biggest problem here is not that your ugly is your self confidence and self esteem and thats not being helped by some of your so called friends.

Reading some of the other comments in the thread I'm really appalled that men have made comments on people's looks which is really disgusting.i remember one thing my late mum told me growing up if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all.

OP I’ve been both ‘ugly’ and ‘attractive’

In school several boys used to pick on me, laugh at me. I was the joke at the school disco. One boy threw a coin at my head one lunchtime and said “that’s towards plastic surgery” and his little gang all laughed.

Then in my 20s and up to my 30s I grew into myself. Men suddenly saw me and I had so much attention. Random women would scowl at me, give me dirty looks or not smile back. I knew it was because I’d become attractive.

Both hurt, in different ways.

I think as women we are always judged and always will be. Too attractive, must be a bitch, too ugly, must be xyz etc.

Now I’m in my 40s I’m invisible and that suits me fine.

All that matters is your personality honestly. I was the same person but treated differently because of my outward appearance. Don’t let anyone change who you are inside though, they’re the issue not you.

And if you are a conventionally attractive female you get aggresively leered at and struggle to be taken seriously at work it's lose lose

Sorry but what on earth is wrong with broad shoulders? Most models have broad shoulders because clothes hang better on them. And bigger noses age better than tiny button ones. Flat hair? That's easy to fix. I'd guess you are far more attractive than you think!

I’ve always been unattractive and been overlooked. But it wasn’t until I saw the preferential treatment my dd gets (she is beautiful) that I realised what ‘pretty privilege’ is. She hates it too. She wants to be valued for her innate character not what she looks like on the outside.

but nowadays, "older" women have proven that there are very few clothes that are "too young" for them. Thank god for that!

Actually mutton dressed as lamb means an older woman dressing in clothes that are too young for her so that comment wasn’t about being ugly!

No matter what you look like, you’re always going to be better off than someone going out of their way to tell you that you’re ugly.

it’s hurtful and unnecessary and says more about the person making such remarks than the recipient

It’s hard when you feel this way. I agree there’s a real beauty privilege aspect, I was very aware of this when I worked in an office. I’m not conventionally attractive, mainly cause I’ve got a very obvious divergent squint (three failed operations)as ugly as sun in photos. I also don’t tan and am quite pear shaped with only one nipple (had breast cancer), despite being reasonably slim. However, this isn’t an ugliness competition. When I was approaching 40 I found my style, I dye my hair bright colours, do my makeup nicely, wear nice clothes etc. My hero is the late Iris Appel. This quote really resonated with me

I have a friend who is ugly and it's not been easy for her and she has heard really mean things from a random people, but none of her friends would laugh at her suggestion of wearing something or going somewhere.

You’re not wrong. I’m ugly too. I’m glad to be 40 now though since I’m treated with less mocking and hostility and I’m more invisible.

I have also been both very slim and borderline obese, there’s no difference, ugliness is the deciding factor.

Studies confirm all of this so at the end of the day it doesn’t matter if people deny it on here - you’re not being unreasonable since it’s established fact.

But I will say, personality goes a long way in dating. Regardless of my ugly face and being told I’m ugly by total strangers in the street and online - I have never struggled to find a partner, I’ve always had an easy time punching well above my weight in attractiveness too.