To ask my brother to visit us from abroad and refuse to meet in London

They do that drive every other time they come back. So yes we don’t understand why it’s different this time. And so we are changing our plans to meet him because that’s easier for them.

Yeah, it seems to me that DB has anxiety (about driving, being around kids, etc.) and this is the way to preserve his mental health.

That said, I understand why OP is upset. if I hadn't seen my family in 3 years and my sibling only wanted to meet for lunch on the way out the door (after previously agreeing to a different plan), I'd be hurt too.

Yes they do that drive every time, but as you've previously said it's actually SIL that does the driving, and she will be at work so it will be DB who would need to do all the driving.

Perhaps he'd rather see you when he's feeling calm and can enjoy the short time you have together, rather than seeing you when he's reeling from a stressful 4 hour drive and hugely distracted by the prospect of another one to come.

They do that drive every other time they come back. So yes we don’t understand why it’s different this time. And so we are changing our plans to meet him because that’s easier for them.

Putting myself in sil’s and db’s shoes this actually sounds like the family vacation from hell.

They are not into children hence their choice not to have any, staying with someone else’s toddlers is really NOT fun for anyone, even those of us that actually like children. In op’s words her gps are very trying and cantankerous given their age and health issues.

Then you have op whom herself is no shrinking violet, and has plenty of shouty expectations. Jet lag. A poorly grandparent. It’s a recipe for disaster, and db is doing the right thing. I hope he doesn’t buckle.

In conclusion, I agree with db’s decision, it is wise and thoughtful, and it’s very likely the Heathrow plan will be more successful.

We won’t be at Heathrow until the day we are flying back out again. It’s been years since I’ve been at Heathrow but it’s always been really busy and is there anywhere to eat before you go through security? I’ve never really spent time in Heathrow other than checking in and going right to security. I thought the restaurants etc were all past security?
They travel all over to see his wife’s family each time they fly back and to see my family too so I don’t understand why seeing us is different, I’m hoping my brother may tell me what’s really going on.

I agree with you 100%. I don’t know how else to explain that they really chose not to have children, but do still like them and of course love their nieces and nephews. They just didn’t want to have children of their own. I have 4 SILS and 3 are childfree by choice! I’m sure I will get told again as earlier on the thread I’m not close enough to actually know what’s going on, despite us all actually getting on well, but the conversation came up a lot as I did fertility treatment to have one of my children. Again that did not seem relevant to say before. My brother and his wife have been very open about their choice and took measures to prevent having children. My brother wants to meet my children also.

There is so much name calling and nastiness on this thread because I got frustrated with a poster repeatedly digging at me.

We are also traveling when my oldest is in school. I will probably get flamed for that, but those were the dates that also worked for my family and so 2 weeks is as much as we can take this time as a compromise. Before anyone asks why the price difference is truly staggering and around 4x cheaper to go in term time which is significant as this is a very expensive trip for us all.

Again thank you to anyone that has read the thread, been kind and understands some of the complexities going on here. As someone else pointed out they are trying to fly in, his wife go to the London office for work and my brother see us for a quick lunch. I speak to him weekly and he calls my eldest child weekly. We don’t dislike each other. Him changing plans and what feels like trying to fit us in to their day as it’s most convenient for them has hurt my feelings. Of course I have travelled to see people that have moved abroad when they come back. But he doesn’t want to come to our hometown even in his own accommodation (again despite doing this multiple times a year and already agreeing the dates work) and so a quick meal at Heathrow it will be. I’m going to look in to the heath option nearby also and ask can he get a taxi to meet us there. It does feel like tons of bending on our part and I’m still being called names and told how rude and inflexible I am.

I had said YANBU but reading what others said, it looks like you can be a bit more flexible too. Also, it would be lovely memories for your kids to go to London, even if maybe for pics with the Big Ben and in the Natural History museum, if they're into Paddington bear.
I get that all the stress is coming from this being such a short stay in what is such a long journey. Did you not consider for your OH to fly back early but you flying back later with the kids?

You have 2 young children, which they haven't met yet, they haven't so is it a possibility that his Wife might feel some resentment/jealously because they don't have any children yet?

I live in Australia and haven’t been home since 2022.

I’m planning a trip back to the UK next year and my children will be 6 and 2 by then. My youngest was born out here and so it will be his first time meeting most of my family (including my brother). My eldest was a toddler when we moved and so it will basically be his first time meeting anyone too.

My family live rurally and so my children and I will be flying Australia-London and then driving another 3-4 hours to my hometown. We have an 8hr drive to the Airport on the Aus side too, so it is a lot of travel and jet lag is going to be an issue also.

We are coming for 10 days which sounds bonkers as it’s such a long way to come, but my partner is able to come for 10 days or I fly alone with both children. My grandad has had strokes and it’s likely this will sadly be one of the last times we see him (hopefully not the last but I am bracing myself it may be).

As this trip is such a big deal and costing so much £££ already, we are actually going to be staying in a holiday cottage with my parents and grandparents, so they can really spend as much time with my children as possible and to limit the driving to see different people. Anyone that has lived away from your hometown and gone back to visit will know that everyone usually ends up saying oh come meet me here, come over to ours etc and we are trying to keep that to a minimum.

My brother also lives abroad (a 2hr flight away) and has no children. He flies back to the UK and then drives to our hometown 2-3 times a year. He will often drive all the way to our hometown and then all the way to see some of his wife’s family who are 2 hours away from there in a single weekend, which is of course a lot of travelling.

Here is my AIBU. We told my brother of the plan for the big family accommodation and that as we are paying he won’t have to pay anything, the place has enough space for him and his wife (a bedroom if they would like to stay) and he said to me why can’t I just fly to London and meet you there? Why can’t I just see you and the kids in central London? (He was suggesting meeting on a weekend before we fly back)

My husband has said it’s my family and up to me but he would prefer to not take them in to Central London on tubes etc at the ages they are and they are so young they aren’t interested in seeing Central London, they really just want to see the grandparents. I agree.

My brother has said he has no interest in coming to the holiday let. I sent him a message to let him know that as we are paying for the holiday let to minimize extra travel as my children would already have done so much and likely be jet lagged and due to their ages we won’t be doing central London. He has now asked if we can meet at Heathrow, but I can’t think of what we would do there? He made it clear he does want to see us and our children but ‘I don’t want to travel all the way back home again.’ I think he’s being rigid and I can’t understand why he’s willing to do it at other times and to see his wife’s family which is way more traveling then we are asking him to do. I mentioned he doesn’t have children as I don’t think he’s quite grasping that taking my children for several hours on the train to central London for basically a lunch is far from appealing. We get on well so I don’t understand why it feels like he’s holding this boundary with us over London or nothing when they travel to our hometown at other times?! It’s like they have agreed to stop doing it all the time but I don’t understand why they can’t make an exception for us. They are doing their same trip home twice before we even fly there next year!

You haven’t seen the multiple times I’ve said we are changing plans for him? If people don’t read the thread I don’t know why you comment. Some of the comments on here aren’t very nice either. THEY DIDNT WANT CHILDREN. I’m not going to keep saying it.

If his wife's not bothered about coming to the holiday let and he would have to drive there and back on his own, it probably is that. That what he means by "easier".

Not gonna lie, I have about 10 minutes worth of conversation in me with my SIL because we are chalk and cheese and I see her about twice a year. No animosity, she just might as well be my husband's distant cousin rather than sister due to big age gap.

I live in Australia and haven’t been home since 2022.

I’m planning a trip back to the UK next year and my children will be 6 and 2 by then. My youngest was born out here and so it will be his first time meeting most of my family (including my brother). My eldest was a toddler when we moved and so it will basically be his first time meeting anyone too.

My family live rurally and so my children and I will be flying Australia-London and then driving another 3-4 hours to my hometown. We have an 8hr drive to the Airport on the Aus side too, so it is a lot of travel and jet lag is going to be an issue also.

We are coming for 10 days which sounds bonkers as it’s such a long way to come, but my partner is able to come for 10 days or I fly alone with both children. My grandad has had strokes and it’s likely this will sadly be one of the last times we see him (hopefully not the last but I am bracing myself it may be).

As this trip is such a big deal and costing so much £££ already, we are actually going to be staying in a holiday cottage with my parents and grandparents, so they can really spend as much time with my children as possible and to limit the driving to see different people. Anyone that has lived away from your hometown and gone back to visit will know that everyone usually ends up saying oh come meet me here, come over to ours etc and we are trying to keep that to a minimum.

My brother also lives abroad (a 2hr flight away) and has no children. He flies back to the UK and then drives to our hometown 2-3 times a year. He will often drive all the way to our hometown and then all the way to see some of his wife’s family who are 2 hours away from there in a single weekend, which is of course a lot of travelling.

Here is my AIBU. We told my brother of the plan for the big family accommodation and that as we are paying he won’t have to pay anything, the place has enough space for him and his wife (a bedroom if they would like to stay) and he said to me why can’t I just fly to London and meet you there? Why can’t I just see you and the kids in central London? (He was suggesting meeting on a weekend before we fly back)

My husband has said it’s my family and up to me but he would prefer to not take them in to Central London on tubes etc at the ages they are and they are so young they aren’t interested in seeing Central London, they really just want to see the grandparents. I agree.

My brother has said he has no interest in coming to the holiday let. I sent him a message to let him know that as we are paying for the holiday let to minimize extra travel as my children would already have done so much and likely be jet lagged and due to their ages we won’t be doing central London. He has now asked if we can meet at Heathrow, but I can’t think of what we would do there? He made it clear he does want to see us and our children but ‘I don’t want to travel all the way back home again.’ I think he’s being rigid and I can’t understand why he’s willing to do it at other times and to see his wife’s family which is way more traveling then we are asking him to do. I mentioned he doesn’t have children as I don’t think he’s quite grasping that taking my children for several hours on the train to central London for basically a lunch is far from appealing. We get on well so I don’t understand why it feels like he’s holding this boundary with us over London or nothing when they travel to our hometown at other times?! It’s like they have agreed to stop doing it all the time but I don’t understand why they can’t make an exception for us. They are doing their same trip home twice before we even fly there next year!

But my children will be in bed the night before. We can’t check in till 4pm as I said on an earlier post. And he is trying to fly in/out the same day. We have hire car to drop back off too. So it’s going to be a lot of working around him and his flight times if he can even get flights that work with us not getting there till 3 or 4pm