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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sporting Mum

31 replies

FedNanders · 19/05/2025 04:06

In the last few months DS has started doing a niche sport. Yesterday was a national (kids) tournament in that sport for the older kids (12-16 year olds) and it was a very strong field with many of the kids looking to go further in the sport.

The event organisers also ran an unofficial event for younger children (10-12 year olds) DS's club encouraged everyone in either of the age groups to sign up and give it a go. It was explained to the newer kids that they weren't going to win (some kids have trained for years for these events) but that it's a fun day and just to go along, try your best and if (when!) you lose, you lose - its all good experience.

They were absolutely right. It was a really good fun day - the weather was beautiful which helped - and some of the older kids from the club (who have been training for years) did really well. The newer kids - as predicted - finished last, but they all had a great time and learned a lot. All the coaches and parents were really supportive and I think we were all very proud of the kids. Except for one..

There was one parent of a very new kid who kept repeatedly telling her DS (maybe aged about 10) that coming last was not good enough. Her DS is a really nice, quite quiet kid who seems quite anxious. Mum sat slightly apart from the group (but not far - we could still here every word). She seemed to spend most of the day (loudly!) on her phone.

In between being on her phone she was constantly telling her DS that he wasn't good enough and that finishing last was absolutely not OK.

The club coaches and officials kept repeating to all the kids that they were doing well and as long as they tried their best, it was fine if they finished last. This one Mum kept saying that no that wasn't OK.

She kept saying this really loudly in front of other kids both from our club and other clubs and it was really noticeable and was beginning to impact some of the other children.

Some parents mentioned it to the club staff and some parents from another club mentioned it to them as well. The club staff seemed to try to talk to her and get her to stop but she just kept saying no. At one point she said it was because of her son's ADHD.

On the phone she was (loudly) critical of the club staff.

It all just left a very nasty taste in what was otherwise a lovely day, and I think several of us are quite worried about how she speaks to her DS.

So I guess that brings me to my AIBU. Am I being unreasonable to think the club/event organisers should have done more to get her to stop and maybe asked her to leave? And AIBU to think that saying your child has ADHD is no excuse for talking to them like that?

OP posts:
ThejoyofNC · 19/05/2025 07:46

If you had such a big problem then why didn't you say something to her?

Original poster
FedNanders · 19/05/2025 07:43

Springadorable · 19/05/2025 05:01

You are being unreasonable to say that, having spoken to her already, they should have done more. Most of these events are run by a large proportion of volunteers. They don't have security. How do you suggest they get her to leave or stop if she can't see that it is blindingly obviously wrong to say things like that to her child?

That's a good point. I hadn't really thought about how they could get her to leave. I know the club officials spoke with her.

I was just so shocked by it. As a bunch of other parents none of us challenged her about it and I wonder if maybe we should have? We just kept saying well done to her son even though he kept coming last and she kept telling him it wasn't good enough.

OP posts:
GuevarasBeret · 19/05/2025 05:20

Is there something in the club rules/policies about this?

She may be misguided, and I am unclear why ADHD would have anything to do with it, but she is probably just a horrible, immature person. I do think the coach should speak with her again and say it is absolutely unacceptable, in that it sets a horrible tone for all the kids and that the club’s expectations are that parents will be supportive and encouraging.
It is absolutely not on.

Zanatdy · 19/05/2025 05:11

Why do some parents behave like this? I can’t imagine ever saying such a thing to my DC, of course the line to take is always ‘it’s the taking part that counts’. Or if you must, you’ll get better the more you practice. What a horrible mother.

Springadorable · 19/05/2025 05:01

You are being unreasonable to say that, having spoken to her already, they should have done more. Most of these events are run by a large proportion of volunteers. They don't have security. How do you suggest they get her to leave or stop if she can't see that it is blindingly obviously wrong to say things like that to her child?

Calamitousness · 19/05/2025 04:17

That poor child. Of course it’s not ok. Yes, I think the club should deal with it firmly. There’s nothing you can do about today now but I would speak to a senior member of club staff to ask that they address this for the future. Sporting behaviours are more than just physical.