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AIBU?

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AIBU about the is feedback on my catering?

240 replies

Eminencegreige · 18/05/2025 21:26

At Easter we had two friends, people we've known for some years and met at other's houses, come to stay with us. They brought with them their young adult son.

They arrived on the Thursday at around 3pm and I offered them some home-made cake. I don't often make cake, but they'd had a long journey and it was Easter and so I baked. The father and son ate most of the cake between them and said how good it was. We had G+Ts and nibbles at 6pm and not long after 7pm I served a lasagne with a salad and some garlic bread on the side. The recipe said it fed 10 and there were five of us. DH and I took decent-sized portions and the three of them finished up the rest, including all the garlic bread. I wasn't sure whether they were fans of dessert, but I'd bought a lemon tart in case they were. DH and I shared a quarter of the lemon tart with with some strawberries and cream and our guests had a quarter each. After that I jokingly asked if anyone would like cheese and the father and son had cheese and biscuits. They were very complimentary about all the food, said how lovely it was, which was very kind of them, but it was a bit alarming seeing how much they ate.

Next morning for breakfast I offered fresh fruit, muesli and granola/ cereals and yoghurt. Jokingly, after the men had finished off large bowls and had seconds, I offered toast and eggs and they had the best part of a loaf between them, and two scrambled eggs each... And so it went on.

They seemed to love cake, so over the weekend I baked another two and they ate them. They had a big cooked breakfast each morning and seemed to love puddings, so I made a pudding each evening, and they poured huge amounts of cream and custard over them.

We had a lovely weekend and I enjoyed having them here, but the food situation felt very stressful. One evening they took us out to eat at a local gastro-pub and it was noticeable that they ate less there because there were fixed portions.

This weekend we had someone else, who knows us all, stay for a couple of nights. She arrived and asked me where her cake was, which was bizarre because she's someone who doesn't eat cake. Turned out she'd heard from our Easter guests about their gargantuan feasts and all the cake and puddings on offer. Apparently the Easter friends had told her and others that I love feeding people and they'd been plied with cake and puddings. I didn't force them on them, I offered! The woman friend who came at Easter had posted on one What's App conversation about needing to go on the Fast 800 after her long weekend with us.

The friend who was here this weekend said that I went wrong when I offered them a pudding each evening and cake when they got back from walks or trips to places of interest. She said that if I offer people cake then I shouldn't be surprised if they eat it — all of it. I feel weirded out by the whole thing. I don't want anyone to go hungry when they stay in my home, but if I was offering too much food they could have eaten moderately and I would have scaled things back. I didn't force them to eat so much. AIBU to offer cake and pudding to guests?

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 19/05/2025 15:39

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 18/05/2025 21:39

They have the same lack of willpower I have. If food is not in front of me, I'm fine, but put me in the vicinity of food and it's a different story. I've heard it described as the seafood diet - see food and eat it.

This.

I am exactly the same.

I probably wouldn't be as gluttonous as the OP's guests but I might be if I were a man.

My grandma used to think it was bad hosting to have fewer than three desserts to choose from. I'd have been quite happy with any one of the desserts but because there were three I could never resist having a bit of each.

More recently I've been away on training courses for work at a hotel which does the most incredible buffet lunch. I would always go overboard at lunchtime and then mid afternoon they'd bring out petits fours to have with coffee and I couldn't resist.

At the same time I can see the OP's point, you don't want your guests to go hungry and it's better to overcater than undercater.

But there's probably a balance to be struck where you know your guests have had two helpings of lasagne and some dessert for lunch, you know you'll be feeding them again at dinner time, you don't really need to make another cake for the afternoon.

Just have a full biscuit tin on hand in case people want something with their afternoon coffee.

MatildaMovesMountains · 19/05/2025 15:36

HmmNot · 19/05/2025 15:33

You should probably just admit that you don’t understand the idiom rather than calling people weird for using it.

No, I really do understand it. Trust me. I just think it's really really odd.

HmmNot · 19/05/2025 15:33

MatildaMovesMountains · 19/05/2025 15:30

A totally exaggerated and unnecessary expression, yes. Goodness, people are weird 😅

You should probably just admit that you don’t understand the idiom rather than calling people weird for using it.

MatildaMovesMountains · 19/05/2025 15:30

HmmNot · 19/05/2025 15:27

Edited

A totally exaggerated and unnecessary expression, yes. Goodness, people are weird 😅

lovehearts88 · 19/05/2025 15:29

Eminencegreige · 19/05/2025 13:35

It's stressful, I can assure you, when you've planned food for five adults for several days and bought a 1.2-ish litres of cream for pouring over a couple of puddings/ adding to a couple of dishes, and the first person to pick up the cream jug containing about 400ml pours it all on their rhubarb crumble. Not everyone lives within easy reach of a decently-stocked supermarket or shop. Who picks up the jug of cream served with dessert and empties the entire contents over their own pudding?

I thought you were upset about their comments about them eating so much they need to diet after visiting you? but now it's turned into 8 pages of you calling them greedy. You seem like a crappy friend with a weird attitude to hosting and food.

HmmNot · 19/05/2025 15:27

MatildaMovesMountains · 19/05/2025 15:25

Villain?!? Exaggeration much?!? This thread is the gift that keeps on giving.

It’s an expression 😂 https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/the-villain-of-the-piece

MatildaMovesMountains · 19/05/2025 15:25

HmmNot · 19/05/2025 14:41

Some people have no internal locus of control when it comes to food. Sounds like your first friends are in that category. Generally comes from growing up without any control over what you eat, either because of your parents’ attitudes or because food was scarce.

The real villain of the piece is your second friend for lecturing you on what you should and shouldn’t have done.

Villain?!? Exaggeration much?!? This thread is the gift that keeps on giving.

TorroFerney · 19/05/2025 15:25

Eminencegreige · 19/05/2025 13:35

It's stressful, I can assure you, when you've planned food for five adults for several days and bought a 1.2-ish litres of cream for pouring over a couple of puddings/ adding to a couple of dishes, and the first person to pick up the cream jug containing about 400ml pours it all on their rhubarb crumble. Not everyone lives within easy reach of a decently-stocked supermarket or shop. Who picks up the jug of cream served with dessert and empties the entire contents over their own pudding?

But that’s not a reflection on you or you to stress about. Bad manners aren’t your fault, you can’t control other people.

Oriunda · 19/05/2025 15:22

Eminencegreige · 19/05/2025 13:35

It's stressful, I can assure you, when you've planned food for five adults for several days and bought a 1.2-ish litres of cream for pouring over a couple of puddings/ adding to a couple of dishes, and the first person to pick up the cream jug containing about 400ml pours it all on their rhubarb crumble. Not everyone lives within easy reach of a decently-stocked supermarket or shop. Who picks up the jug of cream served with dessert and empties the entire contents over their own pudding?

I find it really bizarre that you have mentally measured the quantity of cream they’ve poured …. it appears you closely monitor quantities and measures.

I really do hope your guests see this post. I’d hate to eat at yours and be judged the way you’re doing.

HmmNot · 19/05/2025 14:41

Some people have no internal locus of control when it comes to food. Sounds like your first friends are in that category. Generally comes from growing up without any control over what you eat, either because of your parents’ attitudes or because food was scarce.

The real villain of the piece is your second friend for lecturing you on what you should and shouldn’t have done.

MatildaMovesMountains · 19/05/2025 14:07

If you come to mine I'll serve you up a load of delicious food and drink and let you eat your fill with no judgment whatsoever! 😎

MatildaMovesMountains · 19/05/2025 14:06

There are some very very odd attitudes on this thread - ungenerous, sanctimonious and frankly bizarre.

MatildaMovesMountains · 19/05/2025 14:05

MimiGC · 19/05/2025 14:03

Your guests sound greedy. Who the hell eats their way through a whole cake (or three) just because it’s there? Even if it’s delicious and you want to demonstrate appreciation for the baker, anything more than a second helping is bad manners.

To be fair we don't know how big the cake was. Plus it's pretty shit hosting to judge and condemn your guests for eating what you serve them. What a horrible way to live your life.

ChickenEggChicken · 19/05/2025 14:04

Eminencegreige · 19/05/2025 13:35

It's stressful, I can assure you, when you've planned food for five adults for several days and bought a 1.2-ish litres of cream for pouring over a couple of puddings/ adding to a couple of dishes, and the first person to pick up the cream jug containing about 400ml pours it all on their rhubarb crumble. Not everyone lives within easy reach of a decently-stocked supermarket or shop. Who picks up the jug of cream served with dessert and empties the entire contents over their own pudding?

Well, then they deal with the consequences, surely? ‘Nigel, you realise you’ve just used all the cream, right? Sorry, everyone, if you want any, you’re going to have to try to scrape it out of Nigel’s bowl!’

I was once around for food at a student friend’s houseshare. She’d made homemade mushroom soup and bread. We all had generous bowls. She offered second helpings. One of the other guests said ‘Oh, no, I don’t want to spoil my main course!’ Awkward silence. There was no main course. He’d anticipated some kind of three-course dinner, whereas to the hostess’s mind, it was just a casual meal of nice bread and soup.

MimiGC · 19/05/2025 14:03

Your guests sound greedy. Who the hell eats their way through a whole cake (or three) just because it’s there? Even if it’s delicious and you want to demonstrate appreciation for the baker, anything more than a second helping is bad manners.

TinyTempest · 19/05/2025 14:03

The OP would make a great waitress.

Diner: "Sorry, where's the soup of the day and rolls you offered us?"

OP: "Lol I was only joking sir".

🤣🤣

MatildaMovesMountains · 19/05/2025 13:59

WeHaveTheRabbit · 19/05/2025 13:54

This thread is quite odd. Perhaps that was the intention. If you offer your guests cake or breakfast or whatever, you surely can’t be surprised if they accept it. You offered things “jokingly”? That’s a very odd approach. Monitoring what your guests consume and comparing it to the amount that you eat is also quite strange. And why bake additional cakes if you will be shocked when your guests eat them?

The comments about your cooking were complimentary. Sometimes people say that they will gain weight if someone cooks such delicious meals, but surely you can see it’s meant as a compliment?

OP's whole attitude is odd - to food, to hosting etc.

WeHaveTheRabbit · 19/05/2025 13:54

This thread is quite odd. Perhaps that was the intention. If you offer your guests cake or breakfast or whatever, you surely can’t be surprised if they accept it. You offered things “jokingly”? That’s a very odd approach. Monitoring what your guests consume and comparing it to the amount that you eat is also quite strange. And why bake additional cakes if you will be shocked when your guests eat them?

The comments about your cooking were complimentary. Sometimes people say that they will gain weight if someone cooks such delicious meals, but surely you can see it’s meant as a compliment?

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 19/05/2025 13:53

I would be thrilled that my cooking and hospitality were so enthusiastically welcomed! People taking second helpings is always particularly gratifying

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 19/05/2025 13:52

Eminencegreige · 19/05/2025 13:35

It's stressful, I can assure you, when you've planned food for five adults for several days and bought a 1.2-ish litres of cream for pouring over a couple of puddings/ adding to a couple of dishes, and the first person to pick up the cream jug containing about 400ml pours it all on their rhubarb crumble. Not everyone lives within easy reach of a decently-stocked supermarket or shop. Who picks up the jug of cream served with dessert and empties the entire contents over their own pudding?

So you say - hey, that's the cream gone! Or if someone asks for me, you say Guest 1 used it up

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 19/05/2025 13:50

BrightOrangeDahlias · 18/05/2025 22:00

Can't quite believe some of the responses you're getting, OP. Your guests sound like absolute glutons - I mean who polishes off 3/4 of a cake or dessert, or a 8 portions of lasagne between theee of them? I can see why, as a host, if your guests were eating mountains of food you would feel under pressure to keep providing more. Just because it's there it doesn't mean they have to eat the whole fucking lot!

Edited

Lasagne - that basically a portion with seconds! (per guest)

MatildaMovesMountains · 19/05/2025 13:43

dairydebris · 19/05/2025 13:42

If things get really really bad I have some greek yoghurt

#lifehack
#protip

MatildaMovesMountains · 19/05/2025 13:43

OP, I suggest you send your "friends" this thread.

dairydebris · 19/05/2025 13:42

MatildaMovesMountains · 19/05/2025 13:41

I also keep some nice vanilla ice cream in the freezer for such emergencies 😎

Edited

If things get really really bad I have some greek yoghurt

MatildaMovesMountains · 19/05/2025 13:41

dairydebris · 19/05/2025 13:39

I dont find this stressful tho. If we run out I say, oh sorry, the cream has all gone, and then I don't give it a second thought.
I certainly don't assume it makes me a bad hostess, and I certainly don't think it makes me guests greedy.

I also keep some nice vanilla ice cream in the freezer for such emergencies 😎