To be a bit petty/spiteful

So again, why are you blaming some random non truth as to why you aren’t going?

Why if you think you’re right, is DH not dealing with it?

Is it a DH issue?

This behaviour is affecting ting your kids so just stop now. They don’t deserve to be wasting every holiday on. I wouldn’t go there for her birthday and I’d cut back. Hope your dd is ok.

DCs have never been on holiday as every school holiday has been spent travelling and paying to stay where MIL and FIL are. We have exhausted ourselves, our finances and our children trying to have a relationship with them.

Why? Sounds absolutely bizarre.

Stop trying then.

Why didn’t your daughter phone and speak to her grandparents? Texting is unacceptable to you but not from you it seems.
ChickenEggChicken nails it.

So people point out various things about how you're being a BU and now we get some big old dripfeeds which change things a bit?
Hmm

Am guessing theMIL is mid 60s.
I can honestly say she probably cannot keep up with other peoples lives,times,dates,appointments blah blah . I really care about my family and friends but my brain is full and I don’t remember everything.

You’re sounding more and more petty, spiteful and slightly unhinged with every post. Now you’re stoking up your personal feud with who picked who in laser tag teams?

OP, is this really the person you want to be?

So did your daughter make any contact to thank them for her birthday gift?

Does your DH want to go? It’s his mother. If he does, then you should all go. If he doesn’t, then you don’t.

What does your DH think? Does he want to go? I wouldn't want to pay for a hotel for an event that I wouldn't enjoy. Just stay at home with your DD. In what way were your in-laws ignorant to your children the last time you saw them?

All that (drip feed) and you’re going to use your DD and her “transition” as the excuse?

If you’re not happy, get your DH to deal with it, but don’t use your DD as the excuse!

MIL did not bother to contact DD on DDs birthday, however we received a parcel and card. No call or text.

Except for the one that day when your DD called to thank them for the gift and card, right? Because that’s how that goes… they send a parcel and card in advance and then when the recipient opens them on their birthday they call and say thank you and the giver says oh you’re quite welcome, happy birthday.

You’re being weird.
Maybe your daughter should have been the one to phone her, to say thank you for the present.

Agreed, what was said when DD called to thank them for the card and present?

Your daughter received a card and a present but there was no phone call? How bloody disgraceful.
YOUR DAUGHTER should have phoned to say thank you.

This.

You are being utterly ridiculous, OP.

This. Sorry OP but you are very much in the wrong if your DD did not say thank you for her gift.

You’re using your DD to get back at MIL.

I think sending a gift and a card is fine. Endless relatives phoning a child on their birthday I would find annoying as we would be busy with a meal/ opening presents/ having friends round. My mum wouldn’t ring my kids on the day as she would know it would be annoying. She would get them a gift and a card though and arrange a tIme to drop it off.

Unless it’s GCSE’s or A levels then I don’t think it’s an issue. My son left home at 16 to join the raf. To me that’s huge. It’s not huge to anyone else but they ask how he is in general when they see me/ him. My younger son is doing his GCSE’s at the moment. I know when his last exam is but no one else will know that information. He can still do things in the middle of his GCSE’s and he had some mates round last night. It’s a big deal to me and him but no one else.

If you are talking about sats then they are meant to test the school, not the child so you should just continue as normal at home.

I don’t think the in laws have done anything f wrong but if you don’t want to go to the celebration then just say we can’t make it sorry.

Speaking as someone who is about to have a birthday with a zero at the end - and who will be completely ignoring it - it baffles me why people make such a fuss about their own so-called "milestone" birthdays. It's basically narcissism to assume that anyone else gives a shiny sh*t about one's birthday. I wouldn't dream of telling anyone what to do on a day that thus makes it "all about me".

So for that reason, OP, I think you do whatever is best for your child - not to mention the fact that exams are so much more important, of course!

You complain about her not being involved with your DC so to pay her back you ensure that your DC don't join in with a big family celebration.

PS. SATS really aren't a big deal. They measure the school rather than your child. Dare I say your DC may perform better after being relaxed and having some fun rather than having the parental pressure of "big tests"?

Your daughter received a card and a present but there was no phone call? How bloody disgraceful.
YOUR DAUGHTER should have phoned to say thank you.
Don’t dramatise Year 6 SATs and a transition day then use them as an an excuse. Don’t weaponise your daughter.
Attend your MIL’s special day and reevaluate your (plural) approach to her.