To be a bit petty/spiteful

You can dislike your mother'n'law for whatever reason you want - and certainly her lack of interest in your kids is enough!

But not going because of 'transition day' ie I guess primary to high school? And these exams she's not asked about is SATs where the kids won't have the results yet? I'm not seeing this a big deal to be honest and the visit is on the weekend.... but that said you don't want to go don't go.

I think people will find it hard to relate if they don’t a grandparent setup where one set of grandchildren are treated more favorably. We have this with in laws and have set really clear boundaries. Don’t make it about the SATS or transition days etc as people will get stuck on that. It’s actually you feel your children aren’t prioritized or treated fairly and so you now can’t be bothered to take them for what feels like a put on show of family, when your children aren’t even treated equally to the other grandchildren. It’s poor form to not call on their birthday especially when they attend the others parties. We have similar and I get completely what you are trying to say. I also wouldn’t be bothered if I felt like MIl couldn’t be bothered to even call my child on their birthday.

Then you should have pointed that out and suggested the teams were adjusted, kids against grown ups maybe to mix it up a bit. You do seem to hold on to the grudges, do you know the saying “ a grudge will rot the pocket you keep it in. “

A number of posters have queried whether your dd phoned her granny to say “Thankyou” for her birthday gift, have I missed your response.

How about you go, with DD to MIL event and have a break from the stress! Don't drive a wedge for the sake of it.

I wouldn’t go and I wouldn’t feel bad about it either. Send a card & gift and leave it at that.

I’ve hit this with PIL, I truly don’t care about them ignoring my birthday or my husband’s but this year they didn’t bother turning up to my daughter’s birthday, didn’t ask to see her, no card, no call, nothing. It’s fair to say last year will have been the last year we celebrate their birthdays :)

Because mil lives next to other grandchildren

I agree

No
It's not

I'm older and I manage

Who the heck texts every morning and afternoon? That's an unhealthy level on enmeshment from your mother.

I'm close with my parents who live a long way away. We speak perhaps once a month the odd message. We don't need to be in touch all the time. We are there for each other if needed. We visit 4 x a year

I think you have very unrealistic expectations

It’s obvious why resentment has built up, I don’t see how other posters are blaming you for feeling this way. If it doesn’t suit you just say unfortunately it’s bad timing to make the trip and either don’t go or just your DH go.

Have an honest chat with him and reach agreement on what contact with them will look like. After the laser tag debacle, the lack of real holidays, and the massive expense you've gone to over the years - I'd say it's time to have your own Christmas, your own birthdays, your own parties, your own holidays. You all deserve so much better.

Dont do it- prioritise your child, not your mil. Simples.

Agree with this

Did you miss the part where MIL attends all her other grand children’s birthdays, except OP’s? How is that not wrong?

You are your family aren't supporting parts in the lives of the In-Laws. If your OH is hurt by their behaviour then let him take the lead about what you do.

You will get a hard time on this thread because you didn't let us have the wider context in the OP; but I can say that as someone who has In-Laws who don't bother with our children while seeing the other GC pretty much every day, it's pretty hurtful for both your child and your husband.

Your mother texts every morning and afternoon to check your dd got to school? No wonder you think MIL isn’t interested if all she did was send a present😂. Constant messaging twice a day to check she arrived is massive overkill-so maybe that’s skewed your view as to what is normal. In my opinion MIL has done nothing wrong! And SATS should t mean anything at all to a child.

Nobody cares about SATS except the school. None of my family phoned to wish my kids good luck. Completely unnecessary. And what’s the big palaver about transition day? That is also not a big deal. It’s just a day out in the new school as a kind of orientation - nothing more than a school trip really. I don’t know why you thing you need a quiet weekend to prepare for it. Your DD got a card and a gift but instead of being grateful you’re miffed that she didn’t get a phone call too? You do sound incredibly petty, but you already know that.

Depends what the exams are. If DD is in the middle of GCSEs/ transition days at college I'd stay home. If this is yr 6 SATs it wouldn't even be a question that we would be going. My MIL would not even have had any idea that SATs were ongoing, they are such a non event and of far more importance to the school than the child. And secondary transition days are not so stressful that a weekend away would be overwhelming.

absolutely - this was my first thought.

Texting thanks is rude. You are setting a bad example.

She might not have mentioned the tests for fear of saying the wrong thing and causing upset.

If she has other grandchildren sometimes it’s a little remembering everything about each child especially as you don’t seem all that close.

You seem like you’re spoiling for a fight and I wonder if there is also some jealousy in there as they may be closer to other grandchildren?

I always say to my friends that I never understand other people and how their families work and the responses on this thread prove that !!!

I would be absolutely heartbroken if my Mum thought just sending a present to my child was ok and didn’t need to speak to them on the day . But then my parents are really hands on and everything is all about their Grandkids and I’m the same now with my Grandson to the point where I’m about to give up my life for him to live with me .

If my parents didn’t bother with my kids then I wouldn’t bother with their birthday either .
No way . I would not be booking a hotel and I wouldn’t be making it about anything to do with school . If someone can’t put effort in for my kids then don’t expect the effort bk .