To be a bit petty/spiteful

I'm not sure why the only options are yes/no. What about, "Oh, I'm so sorry we can't come for a week, but we'll come for two nights"?

What a pity that there are no such things as cars and trains.

I wonder if the child phoned/messaged her grandmother for the card and gift she had kindly sent her?
When my grandchildren have tests or exams I will send a good luck message but I don't phone to see they went, most pupils want to forget about them once they're over and also if they were in some way upset I don't want to make it worse.

Your child's exams are very important and they need your support. If your partner wants to go to his mom's party then go for it. But you are quite right to want to stay home and be there to support your child. She can celebrate her birthday on a different day - your child has no say over when to take their examinations. You'd kick yourself later on if your child needed you for help/got anxious etc while you were away at that party. You won't kick yourself for missing a birthday party.
Edited to add: sorry! I mistakenly quoted the whole post not just the bit I was actually quoting - and the "edit" feature won't allow me to remove said big quote - sorry!!!

Your actual thread is asking are you being unreasonable to be petty/spiteful so at least you acknowledge that is what you are being I guess.

They sound horrible to be honest.

I would tell them to shove it up their arses.

I think it’s fine for DH to go on his own without you and DD, if it’ll interrupt her important dates. She might not be the only Gc not attending.

You don't think it rude of your daughter to only text her grandmother and not call.

What more response did DH need other than thanks ?

Well good for you!

My parents forgot my birthday once. They ordinarily would call - but nothing all day or even that week or the next week after that.
I didn’t say anything, but my feelings were hurt, especially since this was the first time I’d ever lived across the country from them.
Then about a month later, a large box arrived in the mail - it was filled with cat food & treats & toys and a $250 gift card towards the exact cat food he ate.
It was from my parents.
They also included a very sweet apology note.
And it was my cat’s birthday - I don’t know how they knew that, but I laughed.
Because everybody forgets something sometime.

I wouldn't bother going. I know what it's like when you're the one that has to make all the effort and nobody reasonable would think poorly of you for drawing a line. I also thought when my daughter was younger that it was better to keep making the effort for her benefit but honestly the benefit was minimal. So now is my effort.

I wouldn't go, she isn't interested in your life or your children so why should you be interested in her life.

If DH wants to go, he can. Enjoy your weekend.

It is not being petty when you have reason not to like her.

I would match their energy and send a present and a card. I wouldn’t be putting myself out for a relationship of indifference.

You are not show ponies.

I seriously hope you are referring to A levels and not fucking SATS!!!!

i am a secondary teacher of 30 years and we don’t give two shits what any child got in their SATS they are utterly pointless

Even though you would not be unreasonable to not go... there is a bigger picture here to consider - family, extended family relationships are often complicated and at times strained.

The birthday event has the potential to improve the connection with you and all of your children... so go - create better memories.

Get a grip - Sats are not a big deal, are you making transitioning a big deal because that will not help your dd feel less anxious. Refuse to go to your Mil's birthday if you want but you sound like a 5-year-old throwing a what about me tantrum. You are making yourself look bad.

Let it go. Match their energy. You’re wasting negative energy on something that’s likely not going to change. It must be draining to spend so much headspace on this.

If you don’t want to go then don’t go but don’t use sats and a day at big school as a reason not to go. It’s utterly pathetic. Your child will have a great time at the party with all her cousins, those are the best of parties.

Send a message to say you can't make it and go very low contact moving forwards.

Take your children on holiday for Godsakes. Your missing out on creating your family memories so your DH can chase the dream of being important to his parents.

He's not. He's either the black sheep or they are punishing him for being the child who moved away. Neither is OK and i think he needs to have counselling to work through it because its going to be affecting his nuclear family.

Your kids are not going to miss out on having grandparents because they have your parents. Stop being walk overs. Don't go and tell them why, who cares if there's a family blow out because they clearly don't like you all much anyway and once you see that you'll stop chasing them

I'll repeat take your kids on holiday!

I think you're over inflating the importance of year 6 SATS....
And how interested other family members should be in them.
I font i told my mum ( the kids' nan) when they were doing theirs.

Of course it's ok for anyone not to go to a grown adult's birthday party for any reason they like, however trivial.

‘DCs have never been on holiday as every school holiday has been spent travelling and paying to stay where MIL and FIL are. We have exhausted ourselves, our finances and our children trying to have a relationship with them.’

No more OP! Prioritise your children first!