AIBU to stop my partner from forcing our daughter into more sports?

I'd like to introduce you to a couple of my nephews and one of my DGC.

Why is it worrying? They have plenty of interests and they hate sport.

Your DD plays tennis 6 hours a week and your DH wants her to be more active? News flash different people like different things. Adults who can't grasp there is not only one way to live tend to be controlling bores. You wait until your DD is old enough for you to have to listen to her opinion - I don't think you are going to like what she has to say about your rigid approach to her childhood.

She said she would hate it. Who is being abusive and neglectful? Such a weird post.

I understand, that's not a bad 'rule' although it is a shame she feels self conscious about dancing.

If English isn't your first language you're doing so much better with it than a lot of people who DO have it as a first language. A lot of people write 'of' for 'have' for some reason so I can totally understand why you'd assume it were correct. 🙂

Why is anyone forcing a child to do sports?!

I've never done any - always been active, healthy and very successful work wise & academically.

Your DH likes sports, that doesn't mean he should get to force his interests on your family. Imo she shouldn't even be made to do tennis if she doesn't want to

Sorry I wasn’t clear.

I wasn’t talking about tennis :)
But about any other activity that your dh tries to force upon her despite the fact she doesn’t like it!

The fact she is playing tennis 4x a week and enjoys it is fantastic.
I found my dcs kept their sport from childhood into teenage years and then adulthood. And that’s because they enjoyed it, just like your dd is. Fantastic.

Forcing her to do SOMETHING ELSE she doesn’t want to do won’t help.

She's not exactly a sloth! Different/extra sport should be her choice. As previously agreed.

I should hope not! Some people just do not take to sport, it should not be forced. I'm not competitive/dextrous etc. and hated PE at school.
DH is an all around talented sportsman, but he never pushed it on DSs - they play chess and that's fine by him

Tell your DH you can't force anyone to enjoy something they don't want to do.

Change the rule to one outside school activity that she has to do and let her choose. We have this, one DC does multiple spots while the other is having music lessons.

He should accept your DD for who she is. She has a sport, so he needs to let her read/draw and pursue the hobbies she likes.

Then why isn’t that enough?

it isn’t about disliking or hating her it is about not seeing her as someone who likes different things from him and doesn’t want to do more

as she moves into being a teenage that will become even more clear that she is someone who has likes and dislikes and may not be as sporty as the rest

she does enough he needs to back off

Ah ok, starting to see why theres this "family rule" 😬

Separately it would be worth considering if she genuinely enjoys tennis op, and not almost a learned forced enjoyment to keep up with the Sportingtons just because she's had to go along with your (rather odd IMO) family rule.

But you're right to stop your DH from pestering her. She already does a lot.

She likes tennis, she plays 6 hours a week that's plenty, she will also do PE at school and I'm sure she isn't sedentary the rest of the week, a walk, cycle, occasional trip swimming is all great, it doesn't have to be regimented organised sport. Reading is fantastic for her wellbeing and she's exercising her brain. Tell him to sod off.

@Opalskies what if she wants to spend all her free time with a drama or art/mysuc club? What if she gets absolutely besotted with the arts or preforming? He’s going to force her to stop?

as long as your child isn’t unhealthy then I don’t think she should need enforced sports activities.

I was a bookish child. Loved arts and crafts and reading. Loved creating and decorating. did family walks and walked the dog happily. But if you’d forced me to do less of my actual interests and engage in a sport or activity I disliked - I’d put in zero effort. I’d be out of trying such things in the future. And it would create a lot of tension in familiar relationships.

not all kids are build the same. Not all humans have the same interests.

It's have been clearer, not 'of' been clearer.

Does she of 😉to do a sport, or can it just be a physical activity? I ask because I hated all sports as a child and would've been utterly miserable if forced to do one. Not all children are 'sporty' although obviously physical fitness is very important!

Your DH isn't being kind. I agree with other posters, yes, encourage good decisions for health but dismissing a child's (mind-healthy!) activities because of your own preferences isn't good parenting.

yes, because chauffeuring your kids around and staying on the side of various sport pitches/ fields/ halls, indoors or outside in the rain for hours is the best break a parent could ever dream of, after spending a fortune on whatever kit they kids have decided they need😂

How selfish of these parents when they could be slobbing in front of the tv all day when they kids potter around doing puzzles nicely somewhere and not bothering them by sticking them in pjs all day to save on laundry. Brilliant.

This is why I love MN 😂😂

I'm not being dishonest at all. I don't think kids should have to go to organised activities if they don't want to.

Because she is heading into teenagehood. Wait 1, maybe 2 years and you’ll see the resentment of having been forced to do something she doesn’t enjoy become a rejection of ALL sports.

you should have met me but its around 60 years too late. We had a local park which I loved to walk in.

10 years old is year 5... Not quite teenagers

To add, the time to create the interest and likes for sports and activities is when they are in Primary school, so it's already part of their routines when they become teenagers, and indeed they don't refuse to suddenly join any kind of club.

Plenty of kids would hate going to activities or clubs but could still enjoy an active lifestyle walking the dog, cycling, or just going for a walk.

I swear I am yet to meet a child who enjoys to "go for a walk".
if they do, good for them, I am not sure I would feel completely safe if my 10 year old was disappearing for hours to go for walks on their own, but maybe that's because my area!

I go alone for miles, but I am an adult, and many adult women don't even feel safe to do that!

And that’s something you can impose when Theyre 5yo.
At 10yo and heading into adolescence, you already need to soften your approach to include their likes and dislikes. And to teach them to be independent.
Otherwise you either end up in a battle ground or a teen that refuses to do anything.