AIBU to stop my partner from forcing our daughter into more sports?

Is your DH one of those ‘sport is morally better than other activities’ people? Or does he feel that having sporty kids somehow reflects well on him? Is he quite invested in their sport (eg coaching a team)?

It's so insulting to pretend that you can't be sporty AND academic 🙄, or that you are morally superior because you look down at "sports" (which can include anything and everything, the list of "sports" is rather large).

But describing someone in a negative way because they give up their time and coach a team, that's a new one.

I've not read all the comments but how about junior park run? Every Sunday. It would only be an extra hour. Great exercise and she might enjoy that.

Can your daughter swim @Opalskies?

Has she ever done an activity (music/dance/drama/language/sewing) that isn’t a sport though?

for example DD hates team sport but dances 3-4 times a week

But you did say that, explicitly. If it's not what you meant then fair enough but that is what you said.

Is your DH one of those ‘sport is morally better than other activities’ people? Or does he feel that having sporty kids somehow reflects well on him? Is he quite invested in their sport (eg coaching a team)?

I know a few people like that - usually men, usually ex boarding school. They tend to think team sport is very important in forming character in children, because it was for them.

From what I’ve seen, forcing sport onto an unwilling DC only works until early teens. That’s the point at which they just refuse to try and either give up or (if not allowed to give up) turn up and make it very clear they don’t want to be there. At school, they get shouted at and given detentions, but they’d rather do detentions. In any non-school team, they stop getting picked by the coach or the other team members get fed up with them and just work around them.

It’s not an argument you can win. Better to give in gracefully and encourage non sporty activity as well as the tennis.

but SHE DOESN"T WANT TO.

Your H is being ridiculous.

I love reading. I also swim 3 times a week and cycle everywhere. Reading or a calm thing is just as important for my mental health as swimming.

We have the “at least one sport” rule for our 11yo to get him into good habits. He chose hockey. Making him do another would only cause resentment.

you'd make a child study music? why?

In my family we have a rule that our kids need to do an athletic activity outside of school. Just one, to keep them active and healthy.

You both sound awful. I hated sports at school and still do. Walking and a healthy diet will keep her active and healthy.

Quite clearly your husbands just being a massive arsehole. Protect your children. You clearly know what you need to do.

The OP says her child does like tennis, but let's not make actual facts come into this 😂

Have you tried any activity that isn’t sport music/dance/learning a language etc

We had this rule for a very long time as well. It was VERY flexible. DD did one session of football which she clearly hated. Instead she engaged in activities like dance and rock climbing. Perfectly physically active, but not traditional sport.

we had to pause during Covid and did not manage to return after because by then she was older and her schedule was just too busy. Between her school work and some other extracurriculars she took very seriously, there was just no time left. We had to accept that for her mental health something had to be dropped and it wasn’t going to be one of the things she loves the most.

we know we spent enough time instilling the importance of having a physical activity. We hope as an adult without the pressures she is currently facing, she will take those lessons and return to the practice.

tldr: good idea, but your husband is missing the point about balance. You want your child to view this as something they can manage along with the rest of their life, forever.

She's already playing tennis four times per week

That is more than enough sport.

Your husband is being very unreasonable.

but if you have kids, you know how it works. At some point, you have to make them do something. It's the same for music, for sport.. You can tell if a child is truly miserable or just refusing for the sake of it. No one is saying you should traumatise your child or make them suffer.

It's also our job to show them what's around, and more often than not, they realise they actually enjoy it. As a parent, we see things long term. They might have a day when they think they should do absolutely nothing but staying in bed and read, or play computer games all day, but one day they'll realise that it was not the best for them.

As long as it's a sport?

I'm not sure whether I agree with your 'rule', on the one hand, my daughter does dance and loves riding her bike, on top of doing PE at school, and of course I think it's all good for her. On the other hand, I'm incredibly unsporty and if my parents had forced me to do an activity on top of dreaded PE, I would have resented them.

You say she's not forced, but she was forced to find something sporty she 'liked'. So she might not be as keen as you think.

YANBU. I disagree with some PPs, as I think there is nothing wrong (and much that is good) about expecting a certain amount of physical activity. I rather wish my parents had been more encouraging in that regard, but they were quite sedentary. My dad actually played a variety of sports as a child, though as an adult he just watched them on TV! It sounds as though your DD is doing quite a bit already. 6 hours of playing tennis per week is a lot for a 10-year-old IMO. I can't see any reason for her to do any more than that if she doesn't want to.

Why should she even have to do tennis if she doesn't like it? She's not overweight, I assume she does PE in school. Why would you make her spend her precious time doing anything other than what she wants to do?

6 hours of sport a week?

I'd be bored rigid.

Only 8 years for her to go before her opinion matters.

The OP did, when she said:

The problem is that DH wants our daughter to stop doing the activities she loves and replace them with more sports

And

instead of spending Saturday afternoon reading, replace it with a sport.