AIBU to stop my partner from forcing our daughter into more sports?

Depends where you live. The lanes around our village are treacherous and have no paving. No way would I let mine roam around on those.

Your husband is an ignorant prat then.

He needs to understand that it can be really harmful when parents demand their kids fit into the box they expect them to.

It's perfectly fine for DD to not be sporty. She is already doing one sport, that's fine. If she has no health or fitness issues then there is absolutely no reason to push her into more.

If he wants her to do more activities outside of school then offer her more academic or arty clubs/classes.

Does he have a tendency to see his way as the best way?

I think OP is struggling,
the DH is highly unreasonable about rules regarding sports, and OP can see that his behaviour crosses the line and is here to have that validated -
what has happened is it’s been highlighted just how much the OP colludes with these unreasonable family expectation around sport.
In suspect these parents are caught in the trap of their children needing to showcase to others that they are doing well in school, sports etc..
it must be about showcasing / performative parenting because no reasonable adult would truly believe that this child needs more sport in their lives than they are already doing !!!!
I wonder if the parents are doing two sports or more on top of everything ?????????

performative / showcase parents - UGH

is it really though?

You have happy memories of your own childhood, who is to say today's kids won't have same happy memories? Let's not forget, it's yesterday's kids "being turfed out" who are today's parents bringing them to various places.

For people like you, who enjoyed their time, how many posters remembering they were bored to death on Sundays and hated weekends as a child.

It is that difficult to believe that children in organised sports shine, and they love being supported by their parents and being part of clubs with their mates?
It never stops them from doing independent activities as soon as they are old enough.

"organised" sport doesn't mean rigid boring torture. It's a mix of learning skills and rule, practicing and having fun. You just have to see kids laughing and having fun with their friends, and it's a good start in life.

I grew up in the countryside- there's plenty of opportunity for walking or cycling.

Yes, I completely agree that there are some situations where it can be genuinely dangerous for children to go out on their own. But I do think that many parents with the best of intentions have chosen to limit their children's independence in ways that are unhealthy. Childhood has changed drastically in recent decades and not for the better.

ETA: I missed your edit but I also agree about the lack of places for young people to go in some areas. That is definitely an issue of concern.

Ok so if she is self conscious about it focus on that see where you can go is there a dance type she wants to try?
or some other form of musical theatre to build her confidence

team sports and activities can be great for building up confidence and fitness but can also be awful if it isn’t your thing

and it sounds as if it isn’t her thing so focus on building up her confidence in things that are her thing and she needs help finding that

Your DH needs to parent the child you have not the one you wanted or yourself

Gosh people have a go at you for no reason…

you are right. She is already participating in one activity she likes (btw 4 days at her age seems a lot😳). There is no need to add another one if she doesnt want to. For what? 4 days 1.5 hrs every time is awful lot but i guess if she really likes it it’s probably fine.

But realistically where would she find time to do another activity if she’s doing tennis FOUR nights a week?

Even if she did it every free night it would still be less time than she does tennis.

As soon as she starts secondary school this already isn’t sustainable.

Does she? Or is it the least worst option, given that you gave her no choice about not doing sport.

6 hours of tennis a week is LOADS. Your DH is an arse and unreasonable if he thinks she should be doing more. Reading for pleasure is very important in the long run too.

Can I just say op that your command of English is excellent, it's actually really surprising you got of/have mixed up.

That sounds like I'm being snarky but I've genuinely never come across anyone with near perfect command of English get of/have wrong! I know that sounds patronising too btw 😔

If you live rurally it is very possible to have nowhere safe to walk that isn't a car drive away. Roads don't have pavements and farmers fields are private land.

I live in a city and if I lived in most other parts of the area I'm in, it would be difficult for me to allow my daughter outside unsupervised as it's mostly flats, parked cars and a few corner shops. In one area there is a large park but too large for a 10 year old to be at on her own. I'm lucky where I am because there are a lot of kids and an area fairly near that she has been going to with minimal supervision from 5 and now goes unsupervised (although checked) - but that just wouldn't be possible in most other streets in this area. I totally agree that it benefits children but sometimes it's just really not advisable.

Edit: just as an example, on Friday evening I was driving through a specific part of the area near me and there was a bunch of young teens hanging around a bus stop. Great that they were out, but I know they were at the bus stop because there's nowhere else for them to go. It's actually something I raised with the council as they refuse to out benches at any areas where kids might congregate - there's really no real outdoor provision for kids once they're spending less time on playparks even in the very small, basic ones you sometimes get on estates.

I have resentment towards my mum for so many things(we are no contact) but one thing I always hated was, I was very into music and arts and she forced me to attend Karate instead.

Agree with @YearlySubscriptionRenewal that martial arts are worth another go. If she doesn't like the improvisation, groundfighting or intimacy (😅) of judo, she might enjoy the choreography of traditional Japanese jujitsu (not BJJ, which is like judo groundfighting), aikido, karate, taekwondo, or tai chi (in rough order of reduced contact/breakfalls). Try a few clubs and instructors, they vary hugely in quality. I nearly have a brown belt in one of them and like the choreo compared to judo.

She could also try yoga. But above all, don't force her because your DH insists.

@YearlySubscriptionRenewal That is not what I said. Or even implied. I didn’t mention academia at all. And I think its great that coaches give up their time for to coach kids.

What I have observed is that some people can be very invested in team sport, to the extent that they see reading, dance, craft etc as much less valuable. I was asking if the OPs DH was one of those people, as it will help to understand why he’s being so insistent on their DD doing more sport.

Erm, are both children quite academic too? I’d have thought at that age one would be prioritising tuition for core subjects, rather than sporting? Or is this with good reason, i.e aiming for a sports scholarship for private school fee discount?

Where on earth do you live that they can't walk somewhere?

You're very rigid about sport. I'm not sure why you're sorry for me because I hate sport. I find all of them boring and pointless.

I disagree with this post. Children absolutely can and should spend time outside independently at the age of 10. Parents are doing their children no favours at all with excessive supervision and too many organised activities.

I would say yes, they are obtuse.

When posters start to pretend it's a negative to have active kids, let alone be active themselves, it's more about them than anyone else.