AIBU to stop my partner from forcing our daughter into more sports?

Do your children play outside with their friends?

Your family rule is they must do a sport, well your DD plays tennis for 6 hours a week, that's perfectly adequate in terms of doing a sport. Your DH and DS like to do more, that's their choice, lots of men prefer sports as hobbies but it doesn't mean your DD should do any more, she has a good balance of sport and other hobbies. Please tell your DH that sports are NOT the only valid pastimes, reading is a great way to spend your time, just because he'd rather do another sport doesn't mean your DD should feel the same way. Tell him to leave the poor girl alone

Aree you honestly saying that her father is telling her to stop reading? I struggle to believe that, he may may well be over emphasising the importance of exercise but I feel you may not be entirely authentic in the way you're presenting this.

All the drama over the 'rule'.

We have the same 'rule' and it's worked out just fine. It's healthy to 'do' things. It can be hardcore or recreational, team or individual, but it's important for children to view movement and activity as an essential part of a healthy life in our family's opinion. Finding time to be healthy. The only 'sport' we 'required' was swimming lessons when they were young to ensure they were safe in/near the water ... and all went on to swim to a high standard through choice.

Our three children were very active throughout their primary school and secondary years, playing lots of different sports and trying lots of different activities, narrowing their sports down to a favourite as they got older. All different. Oldest is still doing a couple of the sports recreationally at uni and coaches one of them. Middle started a new activity in sixth form and loves it. My youngest is still at secondary and is super committed to her chosen sport, and may even end up coaching in it someday.

I see nothing wrong with raising children up to include some kind of physical movement in their lives and viewing that as healthy and normal. That said, OP's husband is wrong to push for 'more' from his daughter. She is doing a sport (tennis) and other activities that she enjoys.

If she decides she doesn't want to do organised sports per the "family rule", would she be able to stop? Or would you force her to do something else?

The way you describe your ex is exactly the type of behaviour I was describing - it’s definitely a thing.

As I said upthread, it works until early teens, at the most.

That's why I put my foot down and stopped my husband from forcing it on her. I've said this repeatedly now. I was asking if I was being unreasonable for stopping it.

surely surely you’re not actually unsure about this?

Can she swim @Opalskies? Because if she can't, that would be a good idea.

If my parents had pulled me away from my books to do a sport I really didn’t want to do then I would have had a god awful childhood.
Not all kids are sporty, I have a ds and a dd that are sporty and a creative dd. The first 2 take after their dad and the youngest is like me. Having different hobbies is a part of life and if your dd is fit and healthy doing just the one sport and doing what she really enjoys why the hell is her dad trying to push more on the poor girl? Jesus let her have her own interests it’s her life.

I bet she ditches the tennis when she starts secondary school and develops a healthy hatred of PE like most kids.

I think people are being really harsh, OP. The point is, you had a family rule (with a lot of flexibility within it, it sounds like), and - hurrah! Your daughter found a sport she enjoys and will stand her in good stead in the future, as tennis can be as social as you want it to be. But now your husband is changing the rule, and wants her to do something additional. Have you asked him why? I don't think you're unreasonable to say, no, DD is going to stick with tennis and only tennis right now. They both sound like lucky children with parents who are interested in raising well - rounded people and are willing to facilitate that. (PE is nowhere near enough activity for young people, most of it is spent sitting on the sidelines if you're not very motivated!)

I've just read your posts OP but it feels like posters are saying one sport, tennis is enough, especially 6 hours of it. Your husbands plan to force a second sport on her that she does want to do it wrong, because she doesn't want to do it. That is is really damaging to her self esteem for him to tell her the things she wants to do aren't good enough.

The you are shouting back that she does want to do tennis.

I know you said English isn't your first language - are you sure you are understanding what people are saying?

It sounds like she does plenty so I would absolutely be supporting my daughter in pushing back on DH for another regular activity. If it’s a one off let’s go for a family Saturday afternoon bike ride sort of thing then fine but not an organised weekly club.

it’s important that kids have down time, especially with your daughter at that age- there is a lot of mental growing up and hormones kicking in around age 10 for girls (a bit later for boys) so having time to digest all that, friendship changes/issues and learning social rules of girls, plus learning at school is all full on. I feel it’s important to teach our kids to rest as well so they have a good balance now and later in life, allowing time to know it’s ok to enjoy her less physical hobbies, so I’d def be cutting her some slack considering she already does plenty.

There will likely be more opportunity to try different sports at secondary school when she goes so she might take up something new then but only if SHE chooses- but might be a good compromise with DH to hold fire until then?

Oh don't waste you're time feeling sorry for me.

I feel really sorry for your daughter. Your husband sounds rigid, unbending and lacking in imagination, and tbh, so do you. Do you often struggle with idea that people like different things?

Oh and your response to my obviously rhetorical question is strange.

I would encourage her to try other sports to see if anything else sticks but wouldn't insist,especially given she is getting enough exercise a week through PE and Tennis.
You m entioned she likes dancing but feels self-concious. Perhaps find her a personal trainer for a bit to build confidence.
P.S.my ExH was absolutely pushy around team sports,esp.rugby as a means of building leadership skill. DC hated and hate team sports (as did I at their age) but love individual sports (which their dad labels "old people's sports"). Doesn't help with relationship in the slightest.

Why? DD loves dance and music, going to concerts, going to theatre (both plays and musicals)

She has been to sport events (DH and DS) but it just isn’t her thing.

People are different and not everyone enjoys sports

So she does lots of exercise (tennis) that she enjoys. Your husband, for some bizarre reason, wants her to do more, that she doesn't want to do (or need, given how much tennis she does). I would put your foot down and tell him to back off. That bit (making her do extra) is what risks putting her off sport

It's even more important in secondary school to keep with sports!

By the time they reach GCSE and real exams, they absolutely need exercise and to clear their head and not spend their entire life in books revising when they don't need to.