AIBU to stop my partner from forcing our daughter into more sports?

I think the rule about one extra curricula which is a physical activity is a good one, but not fine to push more if that is not her thing and definitely not fine to suggest it replaces activities that she does love.

@Opalskies I think people are either wilfully misunderstanding your posts or they're just plain stupid.

I agree your husband is being unreasonable by demanding your daughter should do more sports. She is already doing enough with tennis and it's something she enjoys.

What is the reason he wants to push her to do more?

She plays tennis, draws and reads. Hardly sitting at home doing nothing.

And has your husband agreed that he is being unrealistic and not listening to his child?

If she loves dancing then there are lots of online dancing activities that she can do which don’t involve other people looking at her. If your husband doesn’t think this is exercise then he can try joining in, if he doesn’t think it is “healthy” exercise he can open the window so she gets fresh air!

As a child with a pushy mother. I did endless sport and dance sometimes 2 a night. Ballet then straight to swimming in one night etc. Weekends, holidays the lot.
I hit mid teens and stopped every sport then never did any again. I grew to hate dance with a passion, would secretly cry in my room about going. Pulled my hair out before auditions. Swimming club was torture and made me physically sick before comps, gymnastics became stressful and upsetting.
I never even told my mum it was this bad, she still doesnt know. She was so pushy if I said I didnt want to go she would drive me anyway. I couldnt stop any of these sports and I grew to hate them all.
Being pushy won't achieve anything at all in terms of your daughters life.
I am now not pushy with my sons. They can try a sport if they want, continue ones they like, have breaks and go back to them or do none at all.

Our daughter plays Tennis 4 times per week, Monday/Wednesday/Friday/Sunday, Usually for 1 1/2 hours.

That's more than enough surely! Even for a sporty child.

She's active enough - he needs to leave her be - just because HES into fitness doesn't mean we all should be - perhaps suggest he stays at home and reads more and see if he likes that idea!!!!

You’ve spent the afternoon on mumsnet op

has your dh been throwing daggers at you?

But reading all afternoon is absolutely fine. There’s no need to shoehorn more sport in- it’s not inherently more worthy than reading. She’s not hanging about in underpasses spraying graffiti and in need of an intervention to avoid an ASBO- she’s reading!

Your daughter is happy with the level of sport she’s already doing. Your husband should stop being so judgmental.

Of course he shouldn’t be forcing her, why would he want to?! Just because he values sports, doesn’t mean he can expect her to or for her to value it more than art or reading. He may place more value on sport but it doesn’t mean that everyone will.

It'6 hours a week. The contracted working hours for many office jobs are 7 hours per day- so almost a full working day of sport.

You’re getting pissy with us for misunderstanding
can I just remind you Op what YOU wrote I. Your op

The problem is that DH wants our daughter to stop doing the activities she loves and replace them with more sports, something she doesn't want to do.

But the OP isn't about a child that wants to do extra sport. The OP is about a child who doesn't want to do more than the tennis she already does.

Yes, it's great if your child wants to do it. Bloody shit if they don't enjoy it. What I was getting at is that the middle ground is being lost.

The idea that kids need to be doing organised sports or they'll be slobbing in front of the TV all day. Organised sports can feel , to some children, not all like yet another place where they have to be, have to do something to a standard, get chivvied about. For 5 days a week, at school, they are told where to sit, how to behave, judged on their work. Organised sport can be an extension of that in the eyes of a child who isn't that interested. You can be bored doing as much as not doing if you aren't into it.

Kids also get bored easily if they never learn how to entertain themselves. You can bet the bored kids you are talking about weren't allowed out much on their own, weren't permitted to spend much time without their parents, etc.

Kids are naturally good at playing. It's what they do. Put any group of kids in a big field with no tech and watch. Not many whine they are 'bored'.

I used to take kids to forest schools. Kids who had PlayStation's, the works at home. Kids you'd think would be bored to death. You know what they loved? The time we gave them between the learning projects, to play. Nobody was bored. They used their natural environment to create their own sport.

We don't give kids credit or space to be kids. We don't let them be bored, so they don't learn to alleviate it. Part of the problem is the stuff they have, now, but you can take them out of that on a Saturday afternoon without needing to sign them up for two hours of netball.

Kids need this, now more than ever. The chance to just BE kids. To get breathless playing tag with no rules other than what they make up.

Kids are very easily entertained if we let them find out for themselves, instead of telling them how to do it all the time.

Our kids are becoming passive vessels, waiting for adults to fill their time, tell them how to use their energy. I'm not saying there's no place for organised sports. There obviously is. I'm just saying if your kid isn't interested, it might be that they are craving a freedom you just don't get in organised sport. The freedom to play.

I don’t imagine this is a particularly happy marriage generally

We’ve established that your daughter actually plays sport several times per week, and she enjoys it. 6 hours of tennis a week, coupled with school PE and daily walks to and from school, is enough to keep her healthy.

The bigger issue is your husband, because his approach is potentially counter-productive, and he needs to understand that there’s more than one right way to do things. Your daughter is an independent human being, not an extension of her father.

His insistence that there is no value in spending time reading, writing or doing creative activities is really harmful. Reading is probably the most beneficial activity children can do in terms of their general learning.

Your daughter is approaching the age where many girls begin to switch off from sport, for multiple reasons. If your husband is telling her that the sport she enjoys isn’t good enough, or is insufficiently time-filling, or is too different from what he finds worthy, then she might give up completely.

You have misunderstood

Surely you know you’re not being unreasonable by not making your your daughter, who plays tennis for 1.5 hours multiple times a week, do more sport when she doesn’t want to as loves reading and drawing.

He was on board with the “rule” but now just fancies throwing his weight around

It’s four times a week! That’s a lot of tennis - I hope she still enjoys it. I was expecting a sports activity one day a week. I used to do tennis club one day a week at that age, then camps during school hols, just for fun (as I have no ability at all).
He needs to pipe down.