AIBU to stop my partner from forcing our daughter into more sports?

That is exactly how I’m reading it too

of course she’s not passionate about playing tennis

she plays it 4x a week for 90 mins a session. She is a member of a tennis club.

she is 10

strikes me as being rather passionate. Or rather pressured.

Still makes me chuckle how pissed off you got with us for misunderstanding and apparently he doesn’t want her to stop reading and drawing and we’re being stupid to think otherwise

rather than just reading your OP where you say your dh wants her to “STOP doing the activities she loves”

basically twat of a husband but the OP hasn’t quite got to the point of admitting it to herself yet

So you were managing to play a sport and mumsnet all afternoon?

good on you Op!

Absolutely dreadful over bearing behaviour considering she plays so much tennis already and enjoys that. Leave her be. I would kind of get it if she was entirely sedentary but she’s not.

Homestly we are nearly out the other side with teens and the lighter touch parents who listened and supported their kids interests nor enforced them have far better family relationships and happier young adults. The strictest “you must do this sport” family have the worst outcome of anyone we know.

I've found in my experience sporty people are particularly bad at understanding that other people don't like the same things as they do.

People that are into other pursuits don't take that attitude, getting judgemental about someone who doesn't play an instrument or sniggering at someone who doesn't knit. They tend to just accept that some people are into sports and have no interest in their hobby and this is fine.

I'm generalising here obviously

I agree and I think the idea of a 'rule' regarding physical exercise is bound to cause rebellion later on. Let kids find out what they enjoy as they grow. You say your daughter likes tennis, that's good surely. Some don't like games but enjoy cycling, swimming, walking.

Drawing and reading is very important.

yes I thought that was a pretty condescending comment too

Tennis 4x a week is plenty. It's a good choice of sport too; whole body, speed, stamina, teamwork. Can be played casually.
(Too much hand-eye co-ordination for me, but even I'll pick up a racket occasionally to keep DS happy for 30 mins)

10 is entering an awkard zone for sporting activity where expectations become more committed and more competitive and that doesn't work for everyone. It makes experimenting harder.

One sport/ physical activity is a sensible rule. It's an important aspect of physical and mental health. But there's no need to add more for the sake of it, and time to immerse in a good book is also mentally healthy too.

PE taught me to hate sport, especially team/ competitive sports. Fortunately I danced (badly) outside school... that became the gateway to yoga, and fitness classes, then circuits then running. It was the foundation of an active healthy adulthood.

@Opalskies I don’t think people are deliberately misunderstanding your posts but it’s confusing because your original post says that your daughter likes doing tennis 4x a week but likes spending her other free time reading and drawing.. but your husband wants her to change that and do more sports.

People are simply saying that they agree that you’re not being unreasonable in standing up to your husband and defending your daughter’s right to pursue her love of reading and drawing as she’s already doing.

But then you get defensive and seem to be on your husband’s side.. or in denial that if she has to spend more time doing sports then it will naturally mean less time doing her other activities.

Time to enjoy the things I enjoy. I'm at my 6th music event this week this evening (writing this in the interval) - 2 streamed in cinemas operas, 1 classical concert, 1 contemporary classical concert , 1 community choir event led by son and a folk concert.

The OP seems to think there's some sort of moral superiority in
being sporty and to have difficulty understanding that people like different things.

But your husband wants to curtail that.

As I wrote above, I think it's fine to encourage physical activity and it sounds as though your DD is happy with the sport she's chosen and the amount of time she spends playing. But I'm not surprised at all that your DH isn't much of a reader. It's a shame that he doesn't want her to spend her free time reading. A Saturday afternoon with a book is one of life's great pleasures.

Your DH should respect her choice, not try to insist that she take up another sport just because he likes sports. It would be even better if he tried to meet her halfway, maybe read one of the books she likes and talk to her about why she likes it.

Are you the OP’s husband?

keeping up with outside passions is important alongside school / homework / revision. But there’s no rule that that has to be solely exercise and happening as much as 4 times a week. It should be the daughter’s choice.

My point was that if she ever decided she wanted to pursue anything else like be in a play, join a choir, join cadets or play an instrument it would be challenging to fit that in on top of FOUR nights a week compulsory tennis plus seeing friends and homework.

AND the husband already feels she should be doing more than 4 nights a week!

I have never enjoyed any sport, and I’m not good at them. I went to a school where we were forced to do sports daily, and it’s left me with a lifelong aversion. I’ve no doubt I was fit as a teenager, but I think if I hadn’t been forced into so much sport I might have found something I actually enjoyed.

I used to sort of agree about all children doing a sport until we had a child who had undiagnosed disptraxia until she left school. Looking back, it must have been horrible for them having to do sports in school when she couldn't coordinate hand eye actions.
I now believe just let them do what they want and support them if they are interested.

Your daughter enjoys reading, perhaps encourage your husband to read with her and go book shopping etc. Encourage your husband to lean into her hobby, instead of him trying to force her to do more of his hobby.

Assuming your husband isn't nasty and abusive to your DD, this is a non-issue. I'd leave it between the two of them.

He can suggest additional activities that she might enjoy and facilitate running her around to try them out. She can agree to try a couple in the knowledge that either she'll get to return to being left alone soon or she'll find something new to do that she enjoys.

I am the same and its totally not sad for me.....leaves me all the more time to garden.

you can't accuse me of being over-controlling, and then say I am implying everyone else is wrong when I am defending myself.

No one in my house would even consider spending an entire day without eating (especially not my kids😁), I am raising them to make sure they wouldn't even consider spending an entire day in bed doing nothing because I don't believe that's healthy, physically or mentally.

My younger ones would not sleep let alone accept to go to bed in the evening if they had spend a day without being active.

Just to be clear DH you are not unreasonable - your husband is a dick.

I think your rule is a great rule (I WISH my parents had done similar) and your daughter has found her sporting passion. But she has other non sporting passions and he needs to accept that.

Fuck me. Thats plenty sport for a 10 year old. My DD10 does 1.5hrs of musical theatre a week term time. And a monthly 2 hrs with her archaeology group which is often just sitting doing activities.

Its post SATs so shes spent most of the weekend in Pjs reading, drawing comics and working out the staging of a musical she has written (Jurassic World, the musical ).

Your DH is an idiot if he thinks forcing his interests onto your DD will help her in anyway. Let her be.

For God's sake! Why are people being so wilfully ignorant on this thread? That is not what the poster is saying! Please read the thread and her comments!!

Exactly tennis is a small group sport.

the OP already stated she loves dance and but was too self conscious to try it

Having a real chat with her daughter and figuring out if they can help her over coming her self consciousness and figure out what she likes and dislikes and if she really likes tennis

rather than potentially creating a people pleaser.

she could really like tennis but they need to ask her