To think that this rude comments/ remarks are very racist ?

I agree, whilst the racist comments were wrong, why turn up to a party three hours late? If he couldn't attend within a reasonable time, then he may as well have just said he couldn't make it.

I haven't read the FF, OP, only your posts.

I think if it were me in this case, I would probably leave it for now. But keep the video.

In general I have found with children in the teen years, there can be quite a lot of drama. My eldest two are girls, so far more interpersonal drama than you can possibly imagine. I think it's very limited what parents or schools can do to help with this, especially with girls who can be so sophisticated.

Boys are a little differernt, more crude in their stupid behaviour. But they will do it, and what you describe sounds very much like the kinds of stupid things boys seem to do.

I think the racism element is probably a red herring. I would guess it's a combination of these boys saying what they knew would push your sons buttons, and wanting to say the kinds of "bad" things they know not to say. Racist comments now are the thing all kids are told are most horrible, so just like in the old days when kids would say irreligious things on purpose, a lot of boys seem to default to racist comments. I don't think in a lot of these cases it actually has much if anything to do with their real views.

The one boy who apologised obviously knows it was wrong and feels badly. I think that's typical with boys of that age, they get caught up in being stupid in the moment and make bad decisions. I imagine the other boy also knows. Perhaps he doesn't care, or is too scared to apologise.

Would a lot be gained by going to the school rather than leaving it be? It's not clear to me that it would, and it would certainly put the boy who did apologise in a difficult spot. As long as it doesn't continue, I would leave it. If this other boy does continue then I would take action and bring the problem to the school, and just let them know your son worked things out on his own with the one boy who apologised after the fact. (Which is a really good thing btw, it's really the ideal outcome for kids making bad decisions that they manage the problem and move on.)

It didn't happen in school though. Teachers cannot police everything.

I'm amazed that so many people think this is a police matter. It really isn't.

A lot of the time incidents outside school aren't something that parents should expect the school to address (I'm a teacher). But this one very much is. I do agree that the repentent friend shouldn't have to face the music all over again though. So I get why you might find it awkward, OP.

Why would the school give him sanctions?
i'd kick up merry hell if the school tried to sanction my child for something that didn't happen at school.

It's a racist incident so report it to the police

Well, you can still raise it with the school and mention that one of the boys who was involved has apologised - so the school will know that there has been some action taken, and what that action was. However it is important to note that the apology can from the other boy's parent - not from the child himself. We don't know enough about the child involved to know whether they will say one thing to get out of being in trouble at home, but behave a different way at school - my experience from teaching is that children can often have rather different ways of behaving when they are in different places, and some can be rather more easily peer pressured to say nasty things than others. The point is that the school needs to know for safeguarding reasons: if they don't know your child has been abused by racist kids then it's difficult for them to know they need to keep an eye to make sure he's okay/isn't being picked on by that group of kids.

As the incident did not happen at school OP perhaps this should this be a parent and police matter?

It's absolutely racist and I am very sorry your little lad had to listen to that nonsense being said about him. Even though the incident did not happen at school, it's highly unlikely that kids who say racist crap outside of school don't also say it when they are at school. As such I would likely suggest making an urgent appointment with whoever the appropriate contact is at the school - the head of year?? - to tell them exactly what happened, say you have recordings that were given to you by someone else (take them along if necessary) and say that you are very concerned that your child - and others at the school - are being targeted by horrible racist abuse.

If I was a head of year/headteacher I would immediately make sure that all year groups have some extra teaching/instruction about harassment/discrimination and make sure the children - and parents/caregivers - understand that the school has a zero tolerance policy with respect to racism of any kind. The jey here is that the school should also be making sure that the parents of all the children at the school are made aware that racist language is never acceptable - ever.

It may be the case that your son might benefit from having a therapist or some third party to talk to about this - because alas this won't be the first time he has to endure this kind of crud. And if he's given some coping mechanisms/ways to deal with that kind of nonsense from people who are trained to counsel youngsters about that sort of thing he may feel not only that his worries are being taken seriously, but also that he is more empowered in future. You may want to wait a bit though before doing that (or not call the person a "therapist" - perhaps a tutor or someesuch - because kids can also be unpleasant to children who go to therapists - and he might think he's done something wrong - which of course he has not.

Sending him lots of kind thoughts - what happened to him is cruddy and you are absolutely right to be very angry and upset.

Our school would tell you to go to the police with it if it happened out of hours on personal devices. It's definitely worth making them aware of the situation though.

Surely by making the school aware they know that your child has been bullied, so know the situation and can keep an eye out, and maybe an assembly and learning about racism would be a good idea like a pp said.
They'd absolutely want to know.

Thanks, you're correct.

I wasn't saying the content wasn't racist, because it was, it was more the implications in the questions directed at me on a previous comment (basically suggesting that I'd report other crime to the school but not this).

Tell the school op.

I’m amazed how many commenters have schools that would care about something that’s happened elsewhere. I know ours wouldn’t.

You know perfectly well that this poster was speaking about your post, not the incident.

This
I disagree it has "nothing to do with school" like pp said, as it's racist bullying and I'd be absolutely mortified if mine had done that to another child, I'd want to know about it to deal with it!
What they said was disgusting and need to be pulled up on it.

Why would the school apologise?

Definitely report to the school. Did you keep the clips as evidence?

For everything you mentioned, I'd go to the police.

Then it’s up to the school to deal with any such incidents that happen in school

~What makes you think they won't carry on at school?

I'll bet anything they do

Why? It's nothing to do with the school

That’s disgraceful behaviour, your poor son! I think I would involve the school because although the incident didn’t happen at school your son is going to have to see these boys there all week and school should be aware that there’s been a racist bullying incident so they can make sure your son is ok

No you have to take it to school- it is really important that they know about it and can address racism there. Just because it did not happen at school does not mean OP has to deal with it herself. She is better not dealing with it - in my experience racist kids have rascist parents - let the school deal with it