DH called me a vile, nasty piece of work

OP you are correct on both counts, a 13 year old should have some fresh air not stuck inside crutches or not. Also put him straight he talks to you like that remove his phone. You husband is supposed to be a role model so he needs to curb what he says in front of the kids, not a pleasant man from what you have said, he needs to grow up..

StripeyBalloon, I really don’t know what why people are giving you such a hard time on this thread! You do not deserve this treatment from either of them, no one should be spoken to like that, especially not by their loved ones. If you want this marriage to work in a loving and kind way, you and your husband will need counseling I think. Someone to help you both communicate with each other in a way that is respectful and works, and also a good example for your children. But personally, I’d leave.

Everyone is saying the park , it’s the beach 🏖️
Now continue ..__

My DH has always been a not very closeted misogynist, at home anyway. Outside the house he presents himself in a very different way. I always presumed that this wouldn't have much effect on our children, as they never seemed to chime with that sort of negative rhetoric. Unfortunately I was naive. One of our sons has bought into it big time in the last few years, and thinks the sun shines out of his father's behind, and views pretty much everything I say or do as beneath him. I'm sure this is what led him to dive into the Andrew Tate rabbit hole.

No this is unacceptable, you need to have this out with you DH straight away. Does he have no opinions of his own? If he is so weak minded he can't resist just thinking what he was td last you need to ditch him ASAP before he infects all your children with this infantile attitude. Do not accept it's just a bit of a laugh it is DH who is being vile. Someone as impressionable as your DH will show you no respect unless you demand it, if he is convinced you always get your own way maybe he should move out for a while so you can have some breathing space and he can think about what he wants-his Tik Tok chums are not going to come around and cook his dinner for him. On the other hand it does look as if you have a very rigid idea of what is best for everyone ane insisting on your solution to the "problem". Your DH reaction to it is outrageous though.

Normally I don’t say ltb…but in this case it would be ultimatum time. Either he treats you with respect or he fucks off. You don’t need your child learning how to be an arse who treats other people poorly

This reminds me of my toxic ex-BIL. He is such a belittling misogynist. My sister gets this narrative day in day out from her teenage son.

Honestly by now I'd have chucked him out, or at least I feel I would.

I have some experience in this department, ie kids mirroring ExH words.
Nasty snarly comments clearly from a grown up, sulky one sided knee jerk comments!
This man has no respect for you, easy for me me to say but I’d think about your position and if you want to have this on repeat. This man can casually call you a vile, nasty horrible piece of work…. Then screw him…
Ditch this man and be happier going forwards, no one should have to accept this.
Not a sackable offence getting your your kids out doors at all, keep it up, kids needs chivvying up and a bit of resilience instilled.
Good luck!

My OH has ADHD and he interrupts me but we just have a gentle giggle about it and carry on. It’s no biggie for us. I love him how he is.

jesus christ woman get called vile by husband and son and somehow shes in the wrong

ffs

This. I’m suffering the after effects of not moving properly after a significant injury and wishing I could turn back time 😢

Your husband is the vile one. I'm sure you are not perfect and do make mistakes but you sound very reasonable about everything you have mentioned. You have accepted this treatment from your husband and now your son is copying him it's hit you how wrong is is. I have no idea if the relationship is worth saving from what you have said but at an absolute minimum your husband needs to stop treating you this way. He's not going to do this spontaneously so you will have to challenge him. Schedule a time for a talk when you are both calm. Personally, I couldn't stand this at all and do want to say LTB but I know that may not be appropriate, depending on your circumstances.

@LoremIpsumCici You absolutely did call the OP controlling when you wholeheartedly agreed with the post by IsItSnowing at 16:38 wherein that poster said to OP "you really do sound quite controlling as well" and your response to that poster "You put it so much better than I did. Thank you".

In my opinion, OP doesn't need you to "critique" her parenting. Many posters on here agree with her parenting decision regarding getting the teenager out of the house. As regards the much more important issue of the verbal abuse and disrespect, I can't see anywhere that the OP admits to "punishing" the child or "holding him responsible" for his father's behaviour - I'm not sure where you got that idea from. The child is just as much a victim of his father's verbally abusive behaviour as the OP is, and my impression is that the OP is concerned about her son, NOT blaming him. The OP can try to modify her son's attitude to her but he's at an age where it's going to be an uphill struggle unless the husband's behaviour is dealt with first.

I disagree. OP comes out of this fine. It’s ok to take your child to the park if he hasn’t been out for ages.

Yep. Lots of ‘you’re making the injury worse by making him move around’. In actual fact if the medics involved didn’t want him to move around they wouldn’t have given him crutches, they’d have supplied a wheelchair.

Not really sure how you can nip your sons behaviour in the bud when you're allowing his father to behave the exact same way? He's just mirroring what's happening at home. You need to have a private conversation with your husband and then a family conversation about how what they're saying / repeating is upsetting you and assert a boundary. Sounds like your husband doesn't respect or like you very much which is incredibly sad, I'm sorry.

Strongly suspect the "D"H is also badmouthing the OP to others too. Have you also been called an abusive woman, vile b*tch, delusional, gaslighting and similar? But otherwise everything else "seems" hunky dory and "normal" family ..... Wouldn't be surprised if you may have had your DS say similar which he has learned from his father. If your DS is on spectrum then he will be more susceptible to learned behaviour. Think hard - you have a "D"H problem.

That sounds like a very recent injury OP, and you don't yet know what you're dealing with. I'm really unsure whether insisting that he moves around is a great idea.

I think with ADHD it can be very common to get fixated on something being right and not open to the idea that it's not. Getting fresh air/moving around when you're not injured is important - when you're still waiting for test results to determine the extent of the injury, moving around isn't necessarily what's needed.

But that aside, you need to talk to your DH about how you're modelling communication for your DS. You both need to agree that you'll treat each other with respect and consideration when DS is in the room (I mean, ideally all of the time but this as a minimum!)

Your DH needs to pull DS up on things that he says to you, and you need to present a united front.

You perhaps need to reflect on whether you do speak over others or insist on things always being your way.

You should maybe also reflect on how you feel about your DH called you really unpleasant names. I wouldn't be OK with that, even in an argument. You need to think about where your red line is and discuss that with your DH.

You say you sometimes need to talk over him because he's calling you names, and that DS has ADHD and also talks over you both. That sounds like a horrible way to communicate for all of you. Even with ADHD, it's possible to learn healthier communication techniques, even if that means disengaging when someone is being unpleasant and walking away. Talking over each other has the potential to just spiral.

And I say all this as someone who is autistic and ADHD, so I really do understand the struggles.

I feel upset on your behalf. Your DH should have shut down your DS immediately for talking to you like that. Instead he's twisted things to make him in the right and you in the wrong. Disgraceful.

My God some of these comments! If OP were letting her son rot on the sofa with an iPad you'd all be judging that too! Sounds like the husband can't be arsed and is verbally abusive when forced to parent his own kids. If she were putting up with his laziness that would be wrong too!

I get the feeling @StripeyBalloon is not going to win here either way.

I have never said the OP is “controlling”
I have critiqued her parenting though as I see the DS being punished for repeating anything his father says, even if he is saying those things that aren’t unacceptable. Object to the unacceptable, but don’t disregard and steamroll when he’s using phrases that aren’t unacceptable innocuous and common.

I agree an abusive DH is not a side issue. I said it is one of several issues.

The DS being exposed to these behaviours and I fear OP is holding DS responsible for the shit role model that is his father when it isn’t his fault, he hasn’t been taught how to disagree respectfully. This is an equally important issue imho. You can think it isn’t, but the OP is asking about the impact on her DS and for advice about it.

if she has tried everything else and asked him to stop then yes

No 13-year-old wants to go to the park and watch other kids play with or without an injury but I would be having a serious conversation with your husband.

I wouldn't have let my son learn it from his dad. As soon as dad said that he'd be out the front door.

So you want her to be verbally abusive back?