Are his messages to 'work friends' crossing a line or AIBU?

It doesn’t matter what other people think, it bothers you and he’s gaslighting you.

however personally? Reading those messages makes me feel sick. What a sad, desperate pervert.

if my husband was sending messages like that it would be over.

that’s without the debt you’ve uncovered.

throw this one back.

These messages are beyond awful and cringe. He would be immediately out the door. I actually think for me the desperation from him in these messages, and gross sleaziness would not only put me off him for life - but I’d actually consider it worse than cheating! He’s going out f his way to get some kind of flirtation back and god it’s just awful

Literally this. It reminds me of the man who props up the bar at our local and tries to shag every single woman who goes to buy herself a drink, married, single, even pregnant, he does not discriminate. None of them are special he’s just a creep.

He’s sent far worse messages to a woman in the past, he’s still sending creepy messages to other women, and he has secret debts. He’s a tragic, pathetic, disgusting loser. This man would not be my partner. There’s nothing else you need to find out, there’s no discussion that needs to happen. He’d be gone.

Nobody with self respect would tolerate this. Run don't walk. Make arrangements for childcare and pack his bags.

I bet he’s known as a lecherous little creep and other women pity you.

Get rid.

If I found messages like this on my husband’s phone I’d pack his bags for him.

I can smell the sheer desperation coming off him even through the phone! I don’t in theory have any issue with my husband acknowledging or even telling other women they look beautiful, we often go out as a group with some of our couple friends and all of the husband’s will politely do the “ah you look lovely/beautiful etc”, just like the women will say the same back, but if my husband was messaging anybody “hi beautiful”, “hi pretty girl” he would be an ex immediately.

It’s giving me the ick! And on top of that he’s made a total joke out of you which isn’t at all okay, please just leave OP

the one is obviously not english and not even in the country. the other one is abit suss especially the aubergine emoji. i wouldn’t be happy with that and asking for photos is cringe. he sounds desperate

Please, please, please do not spend another moment of your one, precious life with this absolute breadbin of a man.

He’s a flirt. The most concerning one is the one about the lips and the aubergine emoji. And also the one about taking a photo and being naughty

Christ the way they're writing is not work banter. It's like he's a client and they're paid (or expecting payment) to feign an interest in him and flirt. You've gotta be able to tell this is way off normal messaging and kicking him out the door territory. Even more so if he's gaslighting you into thinking this is okay in any way.

If I found those messages on my husband’s phone, his bags would be packed and he would be out the door.

The parts where he asks after their family or new baby are pathetic attempts at trying to cover up the fact he’s a creep.

This man does not respect you.

Get rid. You’ll be much happier.

I think you're under-reacting to the "evidence of huge debts". Why is that just a throwaway comment in your OP???

The women... Yeah he's fishing. Busy fish-fish-fishing. Waiting for a bite but no takers (yet).

You have been really beaten dien by this man. The debts alone are enough to leave but the (craptacular stupidity) of these messages would put me off him for life.

He must lie to you all the time for you to look at these messages and think that your hirmines are the problem.

Please save yourself and dump this tiny little loser of a man.

Think it was doomed before she checked the phone ffs

Yes absolutely horrible. And has audacity to try and turn it around on his wife taking phone!!!

God, he sounds like a total sleaze. He's fishing.

Oh my gosh! You are not being unreasonable! Those messages are all gross! Can’t believe he’s trying do hard with DIFFERENT women!

Shame you didn’t send screenshots to the other women. You could have caused fabulous chaos. Maybe there is still time.

What an inane creep.

you menstruating is irrelevant here.

If it's crossed a line in your eyes then it's not acceptable. You can set whatever standards you want in your relationship, he is free to go if he disagrees with them. I wouldn't like my partner messaging women like that, even if he insisted it was just friendly banter.
The women don't seem interested in progressing things so I doubt it's gone further, but what if he found someone who was keen?
And the secret debts are worse imo.

Oh OP 😞

If he’s not cheating it’s only because the women he’s desperately messaging can see what a creep his is and are (rightly) giving him a wide berth.

Do yourself a favour and get rid.

ASAP.

Shocking I'd be furious the whole it wouldn't bother me if you did it is a lie to cover himself. He clearly can't be trusted.

Really good point. I misread and thought They were married.
Yeah don't even give it the heads pace he's a horrible cheating slimy fuck who has no respect.
Saying he calls all women beautiful? But doesn't call op beautiful. Full of shit.
Aside from that even if he did call op beautiful and love bomb her with compliments his msgs are still way way way over the line.

I wouldn’t waste any time secret digging, just get rid, you’re not married, just leave.