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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Male staff member in store

310 replies

Pbjsand · 18/05/2025 09:32

Not sure if IAMBU about this, but it irritates me to no end:

I often go to a store for groceries. The store has taken to putting a male member of staff at the door (not security) to greet customers. I’m usually rushing in and out after/before school run and every.single.time. I have this man in my face saying hello as I enter and goodbye 5-10 mins later as I leave.

I feel harassed and like I’m forced to interact with an unknown man for no apparent reason when I just want to get on with my shopping, even when I make a point of looking away, trying to enter the store as far as possible from where he’s standing. It makes me so uncomfortable but I can’t put my finger on why.

OP posts:
MayaPinion · 18/05/2025 10:48

He’s ‘soft’ security - able to flag up any known faces, shoplifters, druggies who want to inject in the loos, people who might need a bit of extra support, as well as being a friendly face to people who might not get the chance to say a single other word to a friendly face all day, etc. He will meet potentially thousands of people in a shift and he is not the slightest bit interested in you. Just smile and get on with your day.

DexyM · 18/05/2025 10:47

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 10:42

To you there isn't.
To those of us who hate it that's what it feels like. If we don't respond we're accused of being rude.

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To you there isn't. You're making an assumption.

So what if strangers/people think you're rude. You have a choice. Choose not to reply. The end.

No need for drama/overthinking/navel gazing.

feelingbleh · 18/05/2025 10:47

How dare he 🙄

Thisisittheapocalypse · 18/05/2025 10:47

I think stores hope that 'friendly greeters', aka engaging with staff, helps deter shoplifters.

MyUmberSeal · 18/05/2025 10:47

What a pathetic, neurotic world we live in. OP, you are a being a div. I feel embarrassed for you.

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/05/2025 10:46

Megifer · 18/05/2025 10:15

9 times out of 10, ill take any opportunity to support women who feel harassed by strange men.

This is that 1/10.

Ignore him, say a quick "hey", whatever. But please don't suggest this is harassment, youre diluting the meaning of the term for genuine harassing situations which is why a lot of us will end up not being taken seriously anymore

This ^

ExpressCheckout · 18/05/2025 10:46

There is a bit of a poster campaign atm to encourage people to acknowledge the bus driver by saying hello

Yes, we generally do this in the North, nice to hear that London is trying to become as civilised.

KIlliePieMyOhMy · 18/05/2025 10:45

If it was a woman would that make a difference?

WinterMorn · 18/05/2025 10:44

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 10:17

I do, and have posted that above. The point is that OP IS struggling with this interaction, and others minimising her feelings because they don't share them won't help her.

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Help her do ….what?

butteredradish4 · 18/05/2025 10:44

This is the sort of role that needs to be done by a man. Imagine if one of the women from the checkouts did it - you'd have to allow an hour to get in and out. It would be just like the difference between the barbers and the hairdressers - both cut your hair but one you only get a brief update on the weather, the other you'll know of every weekend plan you both have for the next 15 years.

mustytrusty · 18/05/2025 10:44

So if you don't like it just don't interact.

Or shop in a different shop if it causes you stress.

Judiezones · 18/05/2025 10:43

If you don't want to speak to him, you don't have to. Put yourself in his shoes, having to put on a happy face for miserable people who think it's beneath them to acknowledge an "unknown man" who is just doing his job. I doubt he really wants that part of his job. I also doubt he's actually "in your face".

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 10:43

WinterMorn · 18/05/2025 10:42

There also comes a point where we have to apply basic common sense.

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Basic common sense would include accepting that we don't all experience the world in the same way.

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 10:42

DexyM · 18/05/2025 10:41

There is no forced interaction

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To you there isn't.
To those of us who hate it that's what it feels like. If we don't respond we're accused of being rude.

WinterMorn · 18/05/2025 10:42

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 10:03

Yes, they do, and that doesn't mean we should judge them. We all struggle with different things.

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There also comes a point where we have to apply basic common sense.

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 10:41

mustytrusty · 18/05/2025 10:40

"Person exists to be friendly" shocker.

Some people don't like forced interaction - shocker. 😬

DexyM · 18/05/2025 10:41

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 10:10

There are reasons why some folk feel uncomfortable with forced interaction. If you cannot relate then be thankful for that. 💖

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There is no forced interaction

mustytrusty · 18/05/2025 10:40

"Person exists to be friendly" shocker.

Ironfloor269 · 18/05/2025 10:39

OP, next time you shop, buy the biggest butternut squash and drop it on his foot when he approaches you. That’ll learn him.

CaravaggiosCat · 18/05/2025 10:39

I'd assume plain clothed store security.

pinkdelight · 18/05/2025 10:39

It's not harassing. Some people will like the interaction, it's no bad thing. Others won't get involved. You're giving it too much headspace. Just put headphones on, nod and get on with your shopping.

Neemie · 18/05/2025 10:37

It will be a security thing. Being able to say hi to someone as they greet you is such an easy and basic social function that most people wouldn’t even give it a second thought.

CordeliaChaste · 18/05/2025 10:36

I do get what you mean. At my local Tesco there’s a member of staff who gets quite up in your space - and usually follows up with a question or comment he expects you to answer. I find it really uncomfortable and literally avoid that shop now.

Hoppinggreen · 18/05/2025 10:36

I cannot fathom why saying a quick hello to somone as you walk past them could be a negative in any way.

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 10:35

Jeschara · 18/05/2025 10:33

You have too much time on your hands and are choosing to be offended.
This employee, possibly on minimum wage has been told he has to do this, he is probably bored, and tired having to say hello to customers.
Honestly, just acknowledge it and get on with your day. Why you had to say male I don't know, women do it as well.

You are meanwhile choosing not to understand that we are all different.