Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Male staff member in store

310 replies

Pbjsand · 18/05/2025 09:32

Not sure if IAMBU about this, but it irritates me to no end:

I often go to a store for groceries. The store has taken to putting a male member of staff at the door (not security) to greet customers. I’m usually rushing in and out after/before school run and every.single.time. I have this man in my face saying hello as I enter and goodbye 5-10 mins later as I leave.

I feel harassed and like I’m forced to interact with an unknown man for no apparent reason when I just want to get on with my shopping, even when I make a point of looking away, trying to enter the store as far as possible from where he’s standing. It makes me so uncomfortable but I can’t put my finger on why.

OP posts:
phoenixrosehere · 18/05/2025 10:58

Pbjsand · 18/05/2025 10:21

Yes I suspect I’m being a bit AIBU, not sure why it bothers me SO much. Yes I think it’s from previous experience of being harassed by men. I wouldn’t mind exchanging pleasantries if I was paying at a cashier for example. I suppose I just don’t see the point of it.
It’s because I feel compelled to he polite that I do respond hello & goodbye, but I find it irritating that I have to. I talk all day for my job, then with DC & am usually going over my things to do list/shopping list in my head at the time.

Gently YABU.

You choosing to feel compelled to say hi, is not his issue or his fault. You don’t even have to speak to him. You could nod in acknowledgment or walk past him.

He is very likely used to customers not saying hi or acknowledging him.

I’ve had to greet people as part of my job in retail and it didn’t bother me if I was greeted or not. I still get paid either way.

He is likely there to deter shoplifters.

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 10:57

LiveshipParagon · 18/05/2025 10:51

This is it exactly. It's so fake, it's irritating. Saying good morning to the security staff is completely different - that's actually an interaction of choice.

Show quote history

Nope, that's not an interaction of choice for me either.

PonyPatter44 · 18/05/2025 10:57

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 18/05/2025 10:23

You’ve made the ‘mistake’ of being pleasant to a man a few times, now he probably thinks you’re interested in him.

You might have to deploy ‘old faithful’ and mention your husband/partner a few times.

What a ridiculous charade we have to participate in, just to avoid having to say, ‘fella - you’re creeping me out. Back off’.

What a load of absolute bollocks. Are you still drunk from last night or did you just start early this morning?

Original poster
Pbjsand · 18/05/2025 10:57

KIlliePieMyOhMy · 18/05/2025 10:45

If it was a woman would that make a difference?

It would make a HUGE difference to me if it were a woman! It is because you know when someone has their eye on you/is checking you out (cringing so hard at this) and it makes me feel uncomfortable that I have to greet him on top of it!! (couldn’t really put my finger on why it was bothering me until this thread/comment made me think deeper!)

OP posts:
Koalafan · 18/05/2025 10:56

TulipCat · 18/05/2025 10:50

Good grief, I do wonder how some people function in society these days.

Some people really do struggle. Be glad it's not you. 💖

ScaryM0nster · 18/05/2025 10:55

He absolutely is there for security, and prompting interaction is part of that.

When he greets you, you’ll lift your head and be far more identifiable on CCTV. Same on the way out.

With shop lifting rates where they are it’s totally understandable for the shop.

Butchyrestingface · 18/05/2025 10:54

There's a security guard at the door of my local Tesco Express.

He says 'hello' and 'goodbye' to people as they enter and exit the shop, the utter, utter bastard.

Sometimes I even manage to creak out a smile in response as WELL as verbally acknowledging this human being.

JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen · 18/05/2025 10:53

I expect that he is a human with as rich and complete an inner life as yours. So perhaps he dislikes being treated as an object people walk past even more than you resent being acknowledged as a person when you are greeted by him.

faerietales · 18/05/2025 10:53

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 18/05/2025 10:23

You’ve made the ‘mistake’ of being pleasant to a man a few times, now he probably thinks you’re interested in him.

You might have to deploy ‘old faithful’ and mention your husband/partner a few times.

What a ridiculous charade we have to participate in, just to avoid having to say, ‘fella - you’re creeping me out. Back off’.

He's literally doing his job.

FFS.

Excitedbride2b · 18/05/2025 10:53

Just say hello back? It's a bit weird to feel so strongly about it

WinterMorn · 18/05/2025 10:53

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 10:48

Understand why she feels this way and develop strategies to help her feel less uncomfortable. Believe it or not, we don't all struggle with the same things.

Show quote history

You keep repeating yourself.

CustardySergeant · 18/05/2025 10:52

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 18/05/2025 10:23

You’ve made the ‘mistake’ of being pleasant to a man a few times, now he probably thinks you’re interested in him.

You might have to deploy ‘old faithful’ and mention your husband/partner a few times.

What a ridiculous charade we have to participate in, just to avoid having to say, ‘fella - you’re creeping me out. Back off’.

Absolutely ludicrous. He doesn't think the OP, or all the other people he greets, are "interested in him" FFS. No need to mention a husband or partner. That would be unhinged.

zingally · 18/05/2025 10:52

TulipCat · 18/05/2025 10:50

Good grief, I do wonder how some people function in society these days.

I know right?! A male shop worker spoke to me!! Heaven forbid!

GinToBegin · 18/05/2025 10:52

I think it’s interesting to read the various threads about the erosion of community, increasing selfishness and entitlement, how manners are declining, and the like, then read a thread like this where a simple ‘hello’ is (to many) an affront and to be avoided at all costs. Aren’t these tiny interactions part of a much bigger societal picture?

I’m deeply antisocial by nature, but a simple hello, goodbye, whatever (without breaking stride) can actually give the day a little lift. That said, if they’re trying to sell breakdown cover or chugging, I tend to ignore.

OP, I understand that you don’t like it, and that it’s making you tense, but if you can just offer a simple hello back and exhale, it might just make the experience more bearable.

Livpool · 18/05/2025 10:51

I don’t know even notice most of the time

ExtraOnions · 18/05/2025 10:51

Has he been licenced by The Greeters Guild ? He should really be in a smoking jacket, white trousers, and a pencil moustache - if not, you might want to complain, they are using a cheap substitute.

CordeliaChaste · 18/05/2025 10:51

butteredradish4 · 18/05/2025 10:44

This is the sort of role that needs to be done by a man. Imagine if one of the women from the checkouts did it - you'd have to allow an hour to get in and out. It would be just like the difference between the barbers and the hairdressers - both cut your hair but one you only get a brief update on the weather, the other you'll know of every weekend plan you both have for the next 15 years.

Stop your sexist drivel

LiveshipParagon · 18/05/2025 10:51

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 09:53

It's particularly annoying because it's never genuine and one comes across as rude if not joining in.

Show quote history

This is it exactly. It's so fake, it's irritating. Saying good morning to the security staff is completely different - that's actually an interaction of choice.

zingally · 18/05/2025 10:51

I can't help but think your reaction is quite extreme. Physically shying away is bizarre.

He's not stopping you for a chat, he's literally saying hello as you enter. A quick "hi" as you pass is an incredible non-event.

TulipCat · 18/05/2025 10:50

Good grief, I do wonder how some people function in society these days.

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 10:49

DexyM · 18/05/2025 10:47

To you there isn't. You're making an assumption.

So what if strangers/people think you're rude. You have a choice. Choose not to reply. The end.

No need for drama/overthinking/navel gazing.

Show quote history

You're making assumptions and judging, right there in your post.

WinterMorn · 18/05/2025 10:49

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 18/05/2025 10:23

You’ve made the ‘mistake’ of being pleasant to a man a few times, now he probably thinks you’re interested in him.

You might have to deploy ‘old faithful’ and mention your husband/partner a few times.

What a ridiculous charade we have to participate in, just to avoid having to say, ‘fella - you’re creeping me out. Back off’.

This is so far fetched I have to question if you are even on the right post.

PonyPatter44 · 18/05/2025 10:49

This is massively a "you" problem. The man on the door is a greeter, he isn't harassing you by saying hello. Sorry, but you are being rather silly.

feelingbleh · 18/05/2025 10:48

Do you live down south up north everyone says hello to everyone

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 10:48

WinterMorn · 18/05/2025 10:44

Help her do ….what?

Show quote history

Understand why she feels this way and develop strategies to help her feel less uncomfortable. Believe it or not, we don't all struggle with the same things.