Page 6 | Male staff member in store

Pbjsand · 2025-05-18T08:32:15+00:00

Not sure if IAMBU about this, but it irritates me to no end: I often go to a store for groceries. The store has taken to putting a male member of staff at the door (not security) to greet customers. I’m usually rushing in and out after/before school run and every.single.time. I have this man in my face saying hello as I enter and goodbye 5-10 mins later as I leave. I feel harassed and like I’m forced to interact with an unknown man for no apparent reason when I just want to get on with my shopping, even when I make a point of looking away, trying to enter the store as far as possible from where he’s standing. It makes me so uncomfortable but I can’t put my finger on why.

tanstaafl · 18/05/2025 11:28

TheNightingalesStarling · 18/05/2025 09:38

He's being polite not giving you the Spanish Inquisition.

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

rainbowunicorn · 18/05/2025 11:27

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 18/05/2025 10:23

You’ve made the ‘mistake’ of being pleasant to a man a few times, now he probably thinks you’re interested in him.

You might have to deploy ‘old faithful’ and mention your husband/partner a few times.

What a ridiculous charade we have to participate in, just to avoid having to say, ‘fella - you’re creeping me out. Back off’.

What on earth are you on about? Did you actually read the OP? This is man employed by the store to greet customers. He says hello and goodbye, he will do the same to hundreds of people a day. Where do you get from the OP that the man is doing anything other than his job?

CustardySergeant · 18/05/2025 11:25

The fact that the OP said "It would make a HUGE difference to me if it were a woman!" shows that she doesn't understand/accept that he is just doing a job and his sex is irrelevant. Her thinking seems to be that his being male automatically means that he is also a threat to her (and other women) in some way. Almost as though she thinks he got this job as a way to interact with women. That seems to be hypervigilance and not a healthy way of thinking.

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 11:25

faerietales · 18/05/2025 11:17

She doesn't need to say hello - she can just carry on walking.

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Yes, as I would. Some folk are telling her that it's easy to say hello though, just because it's easy for them.

Judiezones · 18/05/2025 11:25

ResidentPorker · 18/05/2025 09:48

You're being weird.

Not to mention completely up herself

phoenixrosehere · 18/05/2025 11:24

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 18/05/2025 11:11

It's not rude not to interact. I get people coming through my till who don't speak during the entire encounter. The next person up will often say 'well, he/she was rude' if the person leaves without uttering a word. I will usually reply with 'perhaps they just don't feel like talking'. I have an ASD DD who dreads having to interact with shop staff, so I really don't mind if my customers don't want to speak and I don't regard it as rude any more than I would be feel it rude to not acknowledge anyone shouting 'Oy!' at me in the street.

We who work in shops really really don't care. We want you to shop. You don't have to entertain us while you're there.

Same here.

I did have the odd colleague who would complain to me or get annoyed by people not saying “hi” the way they wanted even if customers acknowledged them. Those colleagues were the ones I dreaded to work with tbh.

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 11:24

Butchyrestingface · 18/05/2025 11:17

Of course people can talk to each other if they want to, my point really is that some folk may struggle for reasons we don't understand. Us not understanding doesn't mean it's not real to them. Diminishing a person's worries doesn't make them magically evaporate, sadly.

It's not really a question of doubting that some people struggle with this. It's the fact that someone has actually started a thread to ask if they are BU in having an issue with it. OP used phrases like feeling 'harassed' and 'forced' to interact.

Surely you would KNOW that yes, this is, for whatever reason, an issue for me but it's MY problem and this person is simply doing their job, they are not doing anything wrong? That in reality he is not in fact 'harassing' her or 'forcing' her to interact.

If anything, that's the bit I think someone needs help with - to be able to recognise ordinary, non-nefarious interactions. Otherwise the world will surely continue to feel like a terrifying, hostile place.

Edited

Sadly, the world is a terrifying a hostile place for some people, others telling them that it's fine for them doesn't help. OP isn't being unreasonable to acknowledge her feelings, but she probably needs to try to work through them. I hate forced interaction, so I ignore it mostly, but apparently that makes me rude.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 18/05/2025 11:23

I do understand your point. Sometimes when I am really not in the mood for interacting with any humans other than my children i just use self service checkouts.
I also like to buy shoes from places where all the sizes are out and you don't have to ask.
I haven't shopped at Lush for years for many reasons but also used to hate their in your face fake cheerful over the top customer service.
I want to be left alone when I shop unless I specifically ask for advice.
Introverts of the world unite 😂

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 18/05/2025 11:23

Pbjsand · 18/05/2025 10:57

It would make a HUGE difference to me if it were a woman! It is because you know when someone has their eye on you/is checking you out (cringing so hard at this) and it makes me feel uncomfortable that I have to greet him on top of it!! (couldn’t really put my finger on why it was bothering me until this thread/comment made me think deeper!)

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So was he checking you out, eying you up and down?

Waterbaby41 · 18/05/2025 11:22

What a strange reaction.

MrsMitford3 · 18/05/2025 11:21

Our local M&S has just started this-I find it very annoying and it's not just men but it just feels such forced congeniality- you absolutely have to walk by them and very full on but I suppose it is a deterrent to shoplifting. Not that there is much left to steal at this point but that is another issue.

Renabrook · 18/05/2025 11:21

Wouldn't internet shopping be better then you don't have to interact with anyone

SerendipityJane · 18/05/2025 11:20

WatchAnXFilesWithNoLightsOn · 18/05/2025 10:07

Forced to interact with an unknown male is one of the most dramatic ways of describing a store worker doing his job.

Sounds like one for Wankernomics

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JHound · 18/05/2025 11:20

Have a word with yourself…

WinterMorn · 18/05/2025 11:19

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 11:16

No, it doesn't. I'm not judging anyone for saying hello or not, I'm simply asking folk to remember that we're not all the same. Asking people to stop judging isn't judging.

Edited

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You are coming across as condescending

faerietales · 18/05/2025 11:17

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 11:14

I agree to a certain extent, though the reasons behind it can be complex and not always curable.
Others telling them to 'just say hello' because it's easy for them doesn't help though.

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She doesn't need to say hello - she can just carry on walking.

Butchyrestingface · 18/05/2025 11:17

Of course people can talk to each other if they want to, my point really is that some folk may struggle for reasons we don't understand. Us not understanding doesn't mean it's not real to them. Diminishing a person's worries doesn't make them magically evaporate, sadly.

It's not really a question of doubting that some people struggle with this. It's the fact that someone has actually started a thread to ask if they are BU in having an issue with it. OP used phrases like feeling 'harassed' and 'forced' to interact.

Surely you would KNOW that yes, this is, for whatever reason, an issue for me but it's MY problem and this person is simply doing their job, they are not doing anything wrong? That in reality he is not in fact 'harassing' her or 'forcing' her to interact.

If anything, that's the bit I think someone needs help with - to be able to recognise ordinary, non-nefarious interactions. Otherwise the world will surely continue to feel like a terrifying, hostile place.

outforawalkb · 18/05/2025 11:17

viques · 18/05/2025 10:35

OP , here’s some gratuitous advice, you need to stay clear of London buses .

There is a bit of a poster campaign atm to encourage people to acknowledge the bus driver by saying hello or thanking them as you get off the bus ( yes I know what’s coming, they are doing a job they get paid no one says Thankyou to me yada yada) I think it’s a really nice thing to do, have noticed it before on rural and country buses and think it helps to reinforce social bonds. Plus bus drivers, like security people and shop workers generally, are often the victims of abuse from the gbp so anything that can counter that negativity is a good thing.

Do people not do that?! I’m in the NW and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone get off a bus without a “thanks drive” it’s automatic

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 11:16

WinterMorn · 18/05/2025 11:15

Well, that sentiment applies to you too.

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No, it doesn't. I'm not judging anyone for saying hello or not, I'm simply asking folk to remember that we're not all the same. Asking people to stop judging isn't judging.

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 11:15

gannett · 18/05/2025 11:11

Not only is this a non-issue on almost every level, it's such an insult to feminism to try, as the OP is not-so-subtly doing, to make this triviality into a feminist issue.

A shop greeter of either sex is at worst a minor annoyance, if you're in a bad mood already, but quite easily ignored. What they are emphatically not is an example of male harassment. This nonsense doesn't help anyone who's actually serious about tackling real feminist problems.

It's a non-issue to you, clearly it is bothering OP.

WinterMorn · 18/05/2025 11:15

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 11:00

Well, perhaps if more posters stopped being so judgemental of those not exactly like them I'd not have to address the issue.

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Well, that sentiment applies to you too.

lalalalalady · 18/05/2025 11:15

Of course you’re being unseasonable here. He isn’t hounding you or forcing conversation. You don’t even need to stop walking just say hi on your way past and bye as you leave. They do this to me in m&s and I have never had to change pace to return the greeting ever. I can’t see how this is holding you up in the slightest. Maybe you have too much on and are overwhelmed so having an unwanted interaction is probably annoying you more than it should op.

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 11:15

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 18/05/2025 11:11

It's not rude not to interact. I get people coming through my till who don't speak during the entire encounter. The next person up will often say 'well, he/she was rude' if the person leaves without uttering a word. I will usually reply with 'perhaps they just don't feel like talking'. I have an ASD DD who dreads having to interact with shop staff, so I really don't mind if my customers don't want to speak and I don't regard it as rude any more than I would be feel it rude to not acknowledge anyone shouting 'Oy!' at me in the street.

We who work in shops really really don't care. We want you to shop. You don't have to entertain us while you're there.

Thank you for this.
I do try my best to interact with staff, and be kind, but some days are harder than others.

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 11:14

faerietales · 18/05/2025 11:08

If someone is struggling to the point that they can't speak to a male staff member in a shop, they need to go and get some help.

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I agree to a certain extent, though the reasons behind it can be complex and not always curable.
Others telling them to 'just say hello' because it's easy for them doesn't help though.

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 11:12

TulipCat · 18/05/2025 11:06

Well I hope they get some help. In the meantime, the rest of society will continue to talk to each other on occaision.

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Of course people can talk to each other if they want to, my point really is that some folk may struggle for reasons we don't understand. Us not understanding doesn't mean it's not real to them. Diminishing a person's worries doesn't make them magically evaporate, sadly.