Male staff member in store

I honestly can't figure out if some posters on MN are on a wind-up for reasons only known to them, or have a genuine hatred and disgust for the entire male population.

Can you imagine living like that and convincing yourself that you are the innocent hero of some weird dystopian world? Beyond bizarre.

At the heart of this is "Their store: their rules". You are the one choosing to shop their, so - whether you like it or not - there is a certain element of middle--meeting involved.

There are many reasons why I personally might choose not to enter a store. But having someone - male, female or whatever - greet me on the way is wouldn't really be one.

OP is of course free - as we all are - to bestow their custom or otherwise based on whatever they want. However it's hardly the drama this thread suggests. I can only imagine there's not much on elsewhere today ?

This ⬆️. Even a nod would suffice if you're that troubled.

No, you're being rude.

It's not 'manners' to accept' that not everyone wants to interact.

It's understandable, but to get along in society it's better to participate in some social norms even if you don't particularly feel like doing so, That means saying 'hello' if someone says it to you, even if you don't feel like it.
It costs you nothing.
It's about considering others, not just yourself.

Stop using some label as a means to justify your attitude.

I know, it's absolutely pathetic.

You're being absolutely ridiculous. Why do you hate men so much that you can't bear to say hello and goodbye to one?

Ah ok so if he's checking you out that's possibly different.

What other signs besides his "job" part of hello/bye is he giving? Does he only say hello/bye to you do you think? Try to engage you in conversation? Block the door type thing?

To you it is rude.
To me it isn't rude.
Neither of us has the right to force what is an opinion on other people.
It's also basic manners to accept that not everyone wants or needs to interact.

It is rude.

Very few people, even those on the spectrum, are unable to learn such basic manners as returning a greeting. They may not understand the social niceties of it but learning the response is not difficult..

You don't need to engage with the greeter in any other way, just returned the greeting.

I don't think it's rude either.
OP clearly feels upset, and whether she needs to change things in her life or not, she does need to acknowledge how she feels so so can change/deal with it in a way that's better for her.

You'd have to ask other people that, as I personally don't think it's rude to ignore an unwanted, unprompted interaction. However, I also don't think it should be so upsetting to respond that it prompts a thread on here.

And I thought I was misantropic 😎 ! (or are we talking more misandry ?🤔)

Even I don't see it does any harm to exchange the briefest of pleasantries when acknowledging someone if - no matter how seemingly trivially - making my day easier.

Even more cringingly (for some) I cherish such tiny interactions as an opportunity to be the change I want to see and not be a dick. (Kinda one of my commandments).

So the briefest of nods and an understated "Morning" or what is appropriate costs nothing. "Thanks drive" on a bus. "Thank you, have a nice day" when being served. A nod a cursory "thank you" if someone moves aside for you.

I can't believe that I If we had more of this, we'd have less of that (points at violence everywhere).

I would write more, but it must be time to put some flowers in my hair, throw open the doors of the commune ....

Apparently we do owe the greeter something, otherwise why is it considered rude by some to ignore him?
I don't see why it's always the ND folk having to adapt or change or get therapy, why can't we all be a bit more accommodating?

@Koalafan the thing is, nobody owes anyone kindness of understanding - that’s just the harsh reality of life.

Yes, it is hard to be neurodiverse or anxious - but other people don’t have to change their behaviour or understanding to accommodate your discomfort.

If OP is struggling then she needs to change her behaviour or perception, not expect a man doing his job to change his.

Was recognising your 'issues' a necessary part of your journey toward therapy though?
Maybe OP is at the recognising her issues stage - she isn't be unreasonable to recognise and own her feelings. That's the first step to developing coping strategies. People telling her to just do what they do, when they've never had her issues tells me that they're not willing to accept that we all experience the world in our own way, and need to develop our own coping tools. For folk on the spectrum it's sometimes draining trying to fit in, would you agree? OP isn't necessarily on the spectrum but there may be other issues she needs kindness in dealing with.

Sorry, but 'really'??

you thinK of all the people he greets day in, day out, he's 'checking you out' ... he's PAID to say hello & good bye. After day 1, he's not checking anyone out. He's counting down the minutes to the end of his shift.

if you stop being so ... full of yourself, you might just be able to say hi & bye without it being such a big deal. He's not interested in anything more than doing his job

Well, sure - I wish we lived in a society where lots of things were different - but we don't, so rather than spend my life in a panic because I can't cope, I'm doing what I can to make things manageable (with adjustments where necessary).

There's no benefit to wishing your life away, or wishing that people would behave differently to make you more comfortable - life will never work that way.

Look, they're just trying to stop people...

Nicking things

Wearing roller skates in store

Large groups of school kids entering

It's really nothing to do with 'having an eye on you' or 'checking YOU out' 🙄

Doesn’t sound like this is the right store for you.

perhaps he's there to put off shoplifters?

He's not there specifically to annoy you, he's got a job to do.

Don't you just wish we lived in a society where we didn't need therapy to adjust to other people's norms?
(Good luck though).

What a sad reply.
Again, we are not all the same.
It is not embracing victimhood to accept that some people struggle with different things.

Actually, you're completely wrong. I'm diagnosed autistic and have been on medication for depression and anxiety since I was a teenager.

I'm also in weekly therapy to help me cope in a world that's not set up for people like me, because I know that I need to be able to handle normal everyday interactions without going into a spiral of fear all the time.

I'm in Australia and most people here will thank the bus driver too it's just good manners

No stores are employing people just to be nice. He is there as a deterrent to shoplifters. The shoplifter knows that they will have to walk past someone who will be talking to them. They can't be called security because then they would need to be licenced.