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AIBU?

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Original poster

Male staff member in store

310 replies

Pbjsand · 18/05/2025 09:32

Not sure if IAMBU about this, but it irritates me to no end:

I often go to a store for groceries. The store has taken to putting a male member of staff at the door (not security) to greet customers. I’m usually rushing in and out after/before school run and every.single.time. I have this man in my face saying hello as I enter and goodbye 5-10 mins later as I leave.

I feel harassed and like I’m forced to interact with an unknown man for no apparent reason when I just want to get on with my shopping, even when I make a point of looking away, trying to enter the store as far as possible from where he’s standing. It makes me so uncomfortable but I can’t put my finger on why.

OP posts:
Bunintheovens · 18/05/2025 12:58

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 12:55

You referred to people being miserable old buggers. 🫣

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😂

Spiderwomann · 18/05/2025 12:58

MagdaLenor · 18/05/2025 12:54

I don't think it's a problem personally to greet another human being, but obviously we're all different.

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Neither do I, but I can empathise and understand that for some people it's more challenging, or for some its just not something they're always in the mood for; especially when they're rushing around in the morning. Judging people who don't really like it when there's nothing to suggest the recipient is bothered at all seems like a waste of time to me personally.

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 12:55

Bunintheovens · 18/05/2025 12:39

Not sure where the ageism comes into this @Koalafan

I've no idea of your age.

Unless I've mis-read it, you've posted as if you are ND.

Edited

You referred to people being miserable old buggers. 🫣

MagdaLenor · 18/05/2025 12:54

Spiderwomann · 18/05/2025 12:52

No, but that's not the point. People shouldn't feel bad if they feel unable to respond or don't want to, and worrying about it or making out its shameful is crazy given the high probability he isn't arsed. If he is bothered then perhaps it's not the right job for him.

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I don't think it's a problem personally to greet another human being, but obviously we're all different.

Spiderwomann · 18/05/2025 12:52

MagdaLenor · 18/05/2025 12:51

Well. You don't know, do you?.

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No, but that's not the point. People shouldn't feel bad if they feel unable to respond or don't want to, and worrying about it or making out its shameful is crazy given the high probability he isn't arsed. If he is bothered then perhaps it's not the right job for him.

CustardySergeant · 18/05/2025 12:52

ACynicalDad · 18/05/2025 12:49

Why is male relevant, would female be less of an issue?

The OP answered that question with her post at 10.57.

MagdaLenor · 18/05/2025 12:51

Spiderwomann · 18/05/2025 12:50

I always respond to people, but honestly he's being paid to stand there i doubt he takes it as a personal affront if someone doesn't, having worked in retail I'd be surprised if he was bothered at all!

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Well. You don't know, do you?.

Bunintheovens · 18/05/2025 12:51

ACynicalDad · 18/05/2025 12:49

Why is male relevant, would female be less of an issue?

OP has replied to that already.

She appears to think he's 'clocking her' and leering.

Unless I've misunderstood the whole thread.

Spiderwomann · 18/05/2025 12:50

MagdaLenor · 18/05/2025 12:40

You can't make that choice for him. Normal human interaction is to respond to a greeting.

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I always respond to people, but honestly he's being paid to stand there i doubt he takes it as a personal affront if someone doesn't, having worked in retail I'd be surprised if he was bothered at all!

ACynicalDad · 18/05/2025 12:49

Why is male relevant, would female be less of an issue?

Wolfpa · 18/05/2025 12:48

Wow men can’t even say hello these days without someone complaining

Jeschara · 18/05/2025 12:46

Sorry I forgot to quote.

Happyher · 18/05/2025 12:45

Rocknrollstar · 18/05/2025 09:38

I always say hello to the security guy on the door - what a boring job!

Me too. I think it’s such a demeaning job so I try to say a pleasant hello and goodbye so they know someone acknowledges their existence

Jeschara · 18/05/2025 12:45

No, I am not, I just haven't got tolerance for something that takes 10 seconds out of your day, not only irritating the OP, but giving it headspace.
I just feel sorry for the poor man who has been told he has to do the job, especially with overthinking irritated people.

EastGrinstead · 18/05/2025 12:45

I feel harassed and like I’m forced to interact with an unknown man for no apparent reason when I just want to get on with my shopping, even when I make a point of looking away, trying to enter the store as far as possible from where he’s standing.

A woman is 'forced to interact with an unknown man' when a male member of staff says 'hello' when she enters the store and 'goodbye' when she leaves the store.

This is a sign of how bad things are in this country. This would simply not be allowed to happen in Afghanistan.

Vplop · 18/05/2025 12:44

Trailfinderexpress · 18/05/2025 09:44

Especially when they say “Do you want to help poorly children”, which I find extremely manipulative. I always so “no thanks”.

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I can’t stand those people! The ones with their stall in the middle of the shopping centre so they can harass all the people walking past. I fucking hate it. Especially the ones who persist when I politely decline their advance. Those assholes are the worst!!

Starlight7080 · 18/05/2025 12:43

It's his job . If he doesn't do it he will get in to trouble.
He probably doesn't actually want to speak to you or anyone who comes into the shop. He has no choice

Hopikins · 18/05/2025 12:42

For goodness sake, lighten up. Our M & S has 2 different greeters on different days. I always say Hello, ask if they are OK, chat about the weather etc and then do my shopping. Perhaps it's an age thing, the greeters are both over retirement age and I am 77 and my husband who shops with me is 82. Many customers live alone and value someone speaking to them, it may be the only chat they have that day. Be kind just say Hello and move on, you might be craving someone to speak to you one day

MaloryJones · 18/05/2025 12:41

How precious are You

YABU

MagdaLenor · 18/05/2025 12:40

Spiderwomann · 18/05/2025 12:39

There's nothing at all to suggest that this man is bothered at all whether people say hello or goodbye, he might even prefer if people didn't 😂

You can't make that choice for him. Normal human interaction is to respond to a greeting.

Bunintheovens · 18/05/2025 12:39

Not sure where the ageism comes into this @Koalafan

I've no idea of your age.

Unless I've mis-read it, you've posted as if you are ND.

Spiderwomann · 18/05/2025 12:39

There's nothing at all to suggest that this man is bothered at all whether people say hello or goodbye, he might even prefer if people didn't 😂

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 12:37

Bunintheovens · 18/05/2025 12:35

Before people had labels (ie a diagnosis) they'd be called a miserable old bugger.

I understand completely. I used to work with clients like you and teach them to make eye contact and engage with others. I'm professionally qualified if you must know.

You can learn how to interact rather than ignoring someone who's simply being pleasant, and stop making it ALL ABOUT YOU.

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Clients like me? You don't know me or anything about me.
You managed to judge and getvsome ageism in though, nice.

Bunintheovens · 18/05/2025 12:35

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 12:32

Nope, not rude, just existing and minding my own business.
Stop using lack of understanding to justify your attitude.
Something costing you nothing doesn't mean it costs every other person nothing.

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Before people had labels (ie a diagnosis) they'd be called a miserable old bugger.

I understand completely. I used to work with clients like you and teach them to make eye contact and engage with others. I'm professionally qualified if you must know.

You can learn how to interact rather than ignoring someone who's simply being pleasant, and stop making it ALL ABOUT YOU.

Koalafan · 18/05/2025 12:32

Bunintheovens · 18/05/2025 12:28

No, you're being rude.

It's not 'manners' to accept' that not everyone wants to interact.

It's understandable, but to get along in society it's better to participate in some social norms even if you don't particularly feel like doing so, That means saying 'hello' if someone says it to you, even if you don't feel like it.
It costs you nothing.
It's about considering others, not just yourself.

Stop using some label as a means to justify your attitude.

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Nope, not rude, just existing and minding my own business.
Stop using lack of understanding to justify your attitude.
Something costing you nothing doesn't mean it costs every other person nothing.

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