So much negativity on social media about having children

I love being a mum, I respect that others don't want to but it's something I always wanted.
It can be hard work, but lots of things in life that are worth doing are hard work. For me my son is completely worth it.

At least if you don't have children, you're not bringing an innocent life into the world that will potentially make you miserable.

There are threads on here at least once a week from people who say they regret having children.

The fact that some people will die before you doesn't make a community "mythical".

I still have the life I led before friends / cinema / holidays / dinners & drinks. It is what you make it. I am not remotely mumsy and you wouldn’t know to look at me I’m a mum.

I’m fascinated by this, what do you think mums are supposed to look like? Why don’t you think you look like a mum? Are you proud of not looking like a mum?

If you definitely don’t want children then you will certainly be happy if you don’t have them?

Well you won’t wanna be on this app then!

my body is exactly the same bar a c section scar / no stretch marks, weigh the same.

my life however is full of joy and love, there is no such love as the love for your child and now she’s older - 9 - she’s my best friend we have such a laugh everyday. In fact I miss her when shes at school.

I still have the life I led before friends / cinema / holidays / dinners & drinks. It is what you make it. I am not remotely mumsy and you wouldn’t know to look at me I’m a mum.

don’t be put off by social media which we all know is a load of shit

Yes, I do. These are friends of 30+ years of major ups and downs. I wouldn't judge them if they did.

I think it's probably true that the groups who are happiest are people who are happily married with children, and people who are single and don't have children.

More from the perspective of life being easier (it's entirely possible to be happy whatever your circumstances- it's a mindset).

I do agree having really polarising views and arguments isn't helpful nor is putting people into groups!

Life never fits into boxes even despite the best laid plans.

Thanks Captain Obvious LOL

There is no guarantee of ANYTHING in life. There is no "guarantee" you'll be happy if you dont have kids so I dont see the point of this statement.

Do you think that if anyone you knew regretted having children, that they would tell you?

There's no guarantee of anything in life.

Maybe I should have phrased it differently, but I don't know anyone who has kids and is not happy about it. Is it hard sometimes, yes. Do people complain, yes. But they would never not have the kids, the joy of having them outweighs the hardships. Otherwise no one would ever do it!

I'm referring to this idea that if you dont have kids to look after you in older age, all your friends and the "community" will - as previous posters have stated. My point being - they wont necessarily and you cannot rely on that any more than you can rely on your kids! The idea that if you dont have kids to help you just rely on your friends isnt realistic, as I said, my nan's friends all died in their 70s and she outlived them for 20 odd years

You will be exhausted AND happy.

There's absolutely no guarantee of that.

You will be exhausted AND happy.

And in my experience, the more children you have the easier it gets.

I think motherhood is hard and beautiful and the whole human experience rolled in to one but you do need to lean in to it.

My body is different but I don't care, I eat well because I'm making good food for my family anyway, and it tends to be around 18mo when I start getting back to exercising.

Some days I'm bone tired, but most days I'm fine! You get used to it and those sleepless years are short.

I have time to do lots of things! But the things are different now. You can integrate your children in to your life or you can treat them as some separate entity that's 'taking you away' from things you want to be doing without them.

Choose the right man to have children with and your struggles with the division of labour will be minimal! I knew I wanted to be a SAHP for at least the first 5 years of my kids lives and I made sure to find someone who was on board. We discussed how and what we were going to be responsible for before we had kids and as life changes we discuss and update!

There isn't any mythical about it. Support cones in all forms. I see this every day in my work and having worked day in day out with older people in the community who have all sorts of backgrounds, this idea that family and children will prevent you from being lonely is just ridiculous.

Have children because you want them or not but no one can predict how their elder lives will be and it should never be something that you base having children on.

Apart from Point 4, I have found the rest of the list to be quite accurate with regards to what having children is like.

I have two children and adore them…..but if I got the chance to live my life again I would go down the child-free life.

I know a few couples who chose not to have children and they certainly have a more energetic and exciting lifestyle than those of us with children do 🤣

My social media is the opposite - constant posts about how amazing kids are and how we should treasure every second. There’s a lot of hashtag making memories everywhere I look.

You’re not getting a representative set of opinions, you’re getting the opinions that the algorithm thinks will keep you watching.

What I would say is I was desperate for children, always knew I wanted them, had an absolutely overwhelming need for a baby. I love my kids and obviously wouldn’t change them.

But now that I know how hard it all is, if I was somehow magically reincarnated and got to have another life but keep these memories, I wouldn’t have more kids.

So it’s something I’d say you shouldn’t do unless you’re absolutely 100 percent sure you want to and have the right support in place.

What's mythical about a community?

I agree with this. Had one child late in life, has bee n hard but brilliant, still enjoy life, do lots. My DH does 50 percent, sometimes more sometimes less, we adjust as life changes. But I wanted a child. Would have had another but not possible.

Quite. What is sad about people not having children they don’t want? Not half as sad as people having children through lack of choice, which was the case in the past.

When you read some of the threads on here by younger parents you can see why though.

They’re making their own existence miserable. Totally anxious about ‘following the rules’, scared to even leave their baby in another room on its own or - heaven forbid - hear it cry for a few minutes. They’re sacrificing their own sleep, health and well-being when they don’t have to.

Then other women see this (and the terrible behaviour of children out and about) and it puts them off.

I really think so much of the negativity is caused by the way people parent these days.

Edited to add - there was even a thread by a pregnant woman who was beside herself with worry because she’d eaten a blackberry!

My Instagram is all the joys of motherhood and large families because that is what I engage with and enjoy. You will always find affirming content online.

If you fancy reading or hearing about motherhood from a totally different perspective, give the book Hannah's Children a read/listen!

Having children is not a guarantee that you will not be lonely in old age

Neither is relying on neighbours or this mythical "community" to look after you. My nan was 94 when she died and all her friends had died 20 years prior to her. Thankfully she had us but if she didnt, she would have been completely alone.

Why is it sad?