So much negativity on social media about having children

Probably not! You choose the right type of holiday for who’s going and I would not take my toddler to that. But I’ve been to places like that before children, I will do again when they are old enough to enjoy it or to go by ourselves, but when we take them away now we go to places they will love and we all enjoy it, I haven’t enjoyed these holidays any less at all.

I’ll bet the woman I saw in a Hindu temple in Kuala Lumpur, which was at the top of a flight of 250 stairs, limping around in thirty degrees plus temperatures, with a bawling toddler clamped to her lower leg and sitting on her foot, was having the time of her life.

• your body looks worse and will never look the same/as good

• you are exhausted all the time

• you will never have any time to do anything

• you will do all the mental load and your partner will do nothing which you will massively resent him for

You’re right It’s not, and depending on the type of holiday it can actually be better with them. But also, having children doesn’t mean you can’t ever go without them again. We’ve been away without our DCs, but actually we enjoy our DCs company so enjoy going away with them. When they grow up we will do a mix of holidays with and without them but whilst they’re young we love watching them experience the world and being able to give them that.

I’m very happy for you. Never said people can’t travel with children. Just saying that having the money and freedom to travel has for us been a welcome positive of not being able to have children.

Travel with children is absolutely nothing like travelling without them.

You can still travel if you have children, Children are only young for a short period of time. I have two DCs and have travelled a lot, they are young now but we still take them in holidays and will travel a lot more with them when they are older and when they are adults. Having children doesn’t stop you traveling. It’s actually a great experience to be able to show them the world and watch them get all excited and have their own experiences.

To answer your questions:

• my body genuinely looks the same, I'm the same size as pre-pregnancy. Didn't get any stretch marks.
• I wasn't particularly tired when I had my first baby as he slept well since 4 months old. I was exhausted for the first year after having my youngest because she slept badly!
• We still do a lot of things we used to, it just takes a bit more planning!
• When I was a SAHM I carried most of the mental load and childcare obviously, but when I worked my husband and I shared everything quite evenly. Honestly I wouldn't have had children with him if I didn't think he was going to be a good dad.

Not sure why you're thinking about these things if you're pretty sure you don't want children!

There’s more to life than children too. You are coming across as incredibly judgemental.

Travel can be very fulfilling if you are doing it right. I have some wonderful memories which will be very sustaining in my old age, of travel all over the world, which we have the freedom and money to do due to not being able to have children.

But why the judgement? Can you not just say "it's wouldn't be for me" without insulting those who do prefer that way of life?

What I am trying to say that there is more to life, for me, than hedonistic pleasure. If I just spent my life trying to see the world and purchase my way to happiness it would lack meaning. I derive much greater meaning and pleasure from raising my child, even if it's tiring.

But we are each individual and if someone does find deep fulfilment in these things then each to their own. It wouldn't be for me though.

Out of curiosity, if your kids had grown up, moved away and only communicated with you on special occasions, would you still view it so positively?

I think it's a little bit sad when people say they are not having kids because they want more holidays/to have extra money to travel business class/to have expensive luxury items etc. It just seems a bit shallow to me and would leave me unfulfilled personally.

What's unfulfilling about it?

My children are teenagers now, I had them in my twenties.
my body is absolutely fine, I exercise and keep fit
I was tired when they were little as I was working full time as well, but it was worth it, it was only for the first few years
I do lots when they were little they would come with me to lots of things or my partner would look after whilst i did things and vice versa
I definitely don’t do all the mental load, I was doing more of the cleaning etc, which caused some arguments, so we sorted a cleaner for 2 hours a week (I know we are lucky we can afford)
best thing I ever did was having children, they are amazing, they are at the age now where they are very independent, but I feel proud everyday.
if you don’t want children that’s absolutely fine, but don’t let a load of negative stuff on social media make your decision .

No, they aren't true for everyone, especially not beyond the first year or so.

The thing is, it's like having a great partner hugely enriches your life, but the difference it makes to experience that level of love can't really be captured in a social media video, whereas it's easy to present small annoyances (socks left on the floor etc).

So lots of parents want to laugh about the absurd/infuriating moments, but they pale in comparison to the sheer joy of children.

I don't care what anyone else does, but I certainly wouldn't even have 1% of the information about what my life is like with children if I just watched social media videos.

Yes it doesn’t always work out like you hope, like every situation, but often it does happen like this. It shouldn’t be one of the main reasons to have kids but it is one of the positives that needs pointing out as well as other positives to counter the negatives OP posted. There are negatives to having kids but also lots and lots of positives, this being one of them.

I think it's a little bit sad when people say they are not having kids because they want more holidays/to have extra money to travel business class/to have expensive luxury items etc. It just seems a bit shallow to me and would leave me unfulfilled personally. I know that might not be the full story but it seems like such trivial stuff. If people find their own way to have a meaningful life without kids then that's great but a life which only is filled with travel and consumerism it seems so empty.

But I also wouldn't encourage people to have children if they know they don't want one. I know someone who had a couple of kids as her husband wanted them but she's miserable and quite frankly not a great mum - she hates being with the kids, she is very cold and unaffectionate with them and will take any opportunity to get away from them. That makes me most sad for her children's sake.

Yes, and there’s plenty of posts from parents of adult children who don’t contact them as often as they’d like, or only if they want something.

But you only have a growing family by chance - your children could easily have moved overseas, or stayed single, or lost contact with you. You see it on here all the time - people posting about how upset they are because their kids all emigrated to Australia or because they'll never be a grandparent, or whatever.

I couldn’t have children due to fertility issues. I have DH, DB, SIL and DN. Lots of good friends too. I don’t dwell on what my later life will be like.

My social media feed is the exact opposite - women’s bodies looking amazing a few months after giving birth, lovely moments with babies and toddlers, joys of watching them grow up etc. Your feed is customised for the things you interact with the most. Don’t get me wrong, the first year of parenting is absolutely exhausting, but it flies by and honestly my DD is such an amazing part of my life. Shes 1 now and everything is already sooo much easier and less tiring - we have so much fun together! I never used to want kids and have always been a career person but I would give up my job in a heartbeat if I could just to spend everyday with her. I know it’s not the same for everyone but other than my little c-section line (which is hidden even in bikinis) my body is back to pre-baby, so I definitely wouldn’t assume that the things you’re seeing represent everyone’s experiences!

I have grown children. It was hard work at times, especially as I ended up a single parent when the youngest was two. I have less money than I would have had I only had myself and a career to think about. However, I wouldn’t have changed anything. I have four lovely young adult children and their partners so I have a growing family. If I hadn’t had children I would only have my dad and brother now and possibly not my dad many more years as he has cancer. In time I may have grandchildren. Totally worth the harder times in my opinion.

It is all true. Some nice parts too, but all those videos you see on Instagram of Mums juggling water bottles, school runs, packed lunches are all pretty accurate IMO.

Not necessarily. I know people who really didn’t want children but regretted it later on in life. You also don’t know what it’s like until you experience it. But it goes both ways, I’ve also known people who really wanted children and then regretted it when they had them.