To be uneasy about Dh and his very friendly coworker

Of course they are - where did I say they weren't?

But if you know a person has a partner, it's not really appropriate to message them in the middle of the night, telling them how much you enjoy their company, is it?

It's pretty obvious what she's after.

I've had 4 serious relationships and I'm counting the one at 15 in that. I dumped him because he was cheating. I had another long term relationship where the guy was possessive. Another where I just felt something was off. Then I've had two long term relationships since. One fizzled out/grew apart after a kid and a bereavement on his side. The other is still going.

I haven't missed out on anyone.

Great advice, let's all do that 😄

A person isnt just someone's spouse. They're also a human in many other aspects. I'm a midwife. I'm also a co-parent, mother, partner, daughter, sister, friend, colleague, aunt, godmother and mentor.

That's fair, and understandable in healthcare settings (where I also work) but doesn't seem to be the case in the OP's situation.

More likely the messager has a crush on OP's husband, got drunk and sent a somewhat regrettable email.

It isnt derailing to answer posts that I'm quoted in. The OP asked for opinions, I'm giving mine. You don't get to try and silence me because you don't want me to say what I'm saying. Just stop replying to my posts.

i think we all get your viewpoint at this point and it’s a valid one, even if some of us respectfully disagree. But you need to stop derailing the thread. I’m sure OP knows where you stand on this now.

Why is everyone bashing this colleague as if she’s some vixen luring the poor unsuspecting simpleton of a man & he can’t help himself, he has no control over his actions poor man…at the end of the day she can email who she likes it’s his response that is important & my first question (if I was suspicious) would be how did she get your email address?

Yeah we have tough times at work and sometimes someone really came through for you in one way or the other.

The idea that someone texting your partner is disrespectful to you plays into toxic ideas about possession and things like that. Good try though.

Fair enough.

I do think you are more in need of therapy than any of us. Your approach is very strange and almost male, and probably has cost you a lot of meaningful relationships.

Yeah not true..especially in my department. It could be that the torn perineums and uterine haemorrhages deter us from thinking sexy times. We often smell of meconium, liquor and latex too.

Aww, cute.

Seriously though?

I have a couple of good work friends who I message out of work time. But not to gush about how fab they are and how much I like them.

Edited, that was aimed at My Olive Helper saying they do message colleagues to that effect.

OP I wouldn’t listen to the advice from the “cool and secure” crowd here. Some women take this approach thinking that it proves how confident and secure they are when in fact it is the ability and confidence to express your real feelings and not be a pushover that proves real maturity and confidence. It usually comes with age as women learn they can prioritise their needs and don’t need to adjust their behaviour to be attractive to a partner. I would say that the need to appear cool is actually a big sign of insecurity, you can see it with teenagers and young adults.

expressing your disappointment and feelings of hurt caused by a situation that he could easily rectify by establishing clear boundaries is not you being insecure. Demanding to be treated with respect is valuing yourself and not acting like a cool twenty something to appease her man.

There is a space in your husband’s life for his coworkers and that is during his working hours. Evenings and weekends at home are your personal space which she has pushed into by sending a strange (let’s call it what it is, no normal woman with professional boundaries would do that) email to him late at night.

You work in a hospital? All I know about doctors and nurses is that, more so than the general population, they are all at it.

I'd be perfectly fine with it. I eat with my colleagues often. Even the big rich handsome doctors!

Reply to her email from his email account as you. Let her know that you both routinely read each other’s emails and text messages. If she stops messaging, that tells you about her, if not his, intentions.

What about from the lady at plumbase, suggesting that they get a coffee and saying how much she likes it when he comes in.

And he’s like, I’m meeting Heather from plumbase tomorrow for a coffee. She said I brighten her day, isn’t that nice.

She sent it to his personal email account not work one and he looks at them on his phone so it’s not even through a work channel.

If he got a text from a sexy colleague after they've been knee deep in sewage, I'd get it.

Can you point to where I’ve said that? I’m clearly having blackouts.

Everyone wants control over their life. If your plumber boyfriend got a text from a sexy client at midnight and he smiled and replied a few times you’d just sit back and watch, or ask him to leave? You wouldn’t ask any questions?

Your self assurance could be mistaken for coldness.

Do you tell coworkers how amazing they are and what a fun day you had with them?

So you would leave, without discussion, if your partner received an intimate message from a woman (and you didn’t know whether there were other messages) and downplayed it?

Or you would just accept that another woman likely had feelings for your partner and trust that despite him not acknowledging it, he would never do anything, and go on with your day without another thought?

I feel like your advice is from a 15 year old teenager with her first bf. In that scenario I would agree with you. Unfortunately adult relationships are much more complex. Voicing your feelings isn’t being insecure. It’s actually very secure to call out bad behaviour and not tolerate it without running away.